Indeed you do. And once you know what that means, you will truly appreciate it.
Please move this into your signature - it will help everyone grasp your situation quickly:
Me-56 Him-55 2nd marriage for both of us We each have 2 childen, 6 grandkids. Married 13 years, met 14 years Still sleeping in the same bedroom but diff beds. No sex for over 1 year
I am not quite sure what caused our situation, other than we have been living. Even my husband admitted yesterday that we have been living comfortably for the last few years. I felt that we got along great, we gave each other independence have our own interests, yet also did things together, travelling, movies, etc, as well as working together on our farm. We seemed to have alot of the same interests. Then about 6 months ago, i noticed that my husband brought up the fact that he has no retirement a few times. He is going to be 55. Me on the other hand have a stable career for 25 years, great salary,lot of vacation. i have supported his decisions regarding his desires for employement. He started a business at home restoring old cars. He seems to enjoy it, but the $ is slow to come in. I have told him that we need to work together as a team to make this happen and that I here to support him. He worked long long hours, so did I. Eventually i think resentment built. We havent had sex in over a year. We have lost our connection with each other. So a few weeks ago, he announces that he will be moving into a trailer on our property. I managed to keep him living in the house. He has suggested that I find someone that i can travel with, that has the vacation i do, that is more matched with me and my plans for the future. He was in my plans for the future. I wanted to grow old with him. He now is so distant from me, we hardly talk about this situation. He works til 8:30 every night and then sits at the counter listening to youtube music. Every single night for the last 3 weeks. We are not yelling, i havent cried too much. I am seeing a therapist. This is just a nightmare, and I am having trouble understanding what has happened and why he doesnt want to fix this.
Also, I would like to mention that we went thru something similar about 5 years ago, but we decided to work on our marriage. Well guess what... we didnt work on anything. I dont think we knew what to do. Little by little, with all of the work and responsibilities, we fell back into this loveless connectionless but comfortable marriage. He is not having an affair - i am positive of this. I have checked his computer and phone records. He is home all day with me, and if he ever goes out to run an errand, he doenst dress up and returns immediately with the item he went for. I have never had an affair as well.
This then took us into a vicious circle convesation about why. He continually says he is 'done' which about flips me out. I ask him to be more specific to help me understand.
As another poster mentioned, you do need to read DR and Sandi's 37 rules in the newcomers section. The rules will give you some good guidelines to get you started. A big one is to stop bringing up R talks. If he does, listen and validate what he says. As hard is it is to hear, he doesn't want to talk about your feelings about it right now.
I've found that journaling my thoughts (either here or on paper) helps me to get out what I'm thinking about without actually talking about the R with my H.
I have been reading DR and Sandi's 37. One thing i wonder about. If one of the reasons why he feels that we need to call it quits is because he feels as though i do not love him - is it going to help his feeling of this if I GAL? Wont it just reinforce this in his eyes?
^^ have you read The 5 Love Languages? Even my IC says it's pretty spot-on in regards to how people feel/demonstrate love. Unless Quality Time is his main LL, you GAL shouldn't be bad in any way for your R.
You will see many people refer to the 5 LL. It also helps with other Rs, not just with your H. It's a good read!!
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
