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labug #2443593 04/05/14 09:25 PM
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Thank you labug.


M45 H46
M16 yrs
D17, D10, D7
DB 1-23-2014
H filed D 2-14-2014
MamaB #2443603 04/05/14 09:52 PM
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You will get there, Mama. Your sitch is so new, and you are on such a fast track. Grieving is hard work. Allow yourself to get through it at your own pace.

I have decided I am going to pack up all of H's stuff that he left here, and put the boxes in the garage for him. There was a time, not that long ago, that the thought of that would have made me so sad, because it was like admitting that he isn't coming back. Now I feel like it will help me to move forward.

Look back on your sitch and you will see how far you have come. It's not linear, but you will keep growing. Hang in there.

(((MamaB)))

P.S. I live in Denver, so I can give your H a swift kick in the groin if you'd like! smile


me: 44 XH: 42
M 11 years
D10 and S8
Bomb drop 9/27/13
D final 7/1/14
melissag #2443620 04/06/14 01:50 AM
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^^^I agree with M You will get there. Do what YOU need to feel healthy.


me: 47, W:49
M 16.5 years
T 17 years
Three kids - D17,D14, S13
Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13
Bomb drop 11/29/13
W moved out 12/5/13
I Retained L 2/20/14
D filed 3/17/14
paul19510 #2443722 04/06/14 08:00 PM
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Thank you Melissa and Paul, I really do appreciate the support.

I think that moving my H stuff will be good for me too Melissa, looking at his things just reminds me of him. It will be hard when he moves evertything out, but I really feel that it will help.

Yes please to the kick in the groin! That made me laugh. I love Denver and used to live there after College. It was a great time in my life, I worked Downtown and had an. awesome little apartment in Capital Hill. I met my H there, and my parents live in Colorado Springs. I have been in Austin now for 5years, and love it here.


M45 H46
M16 yrs
D17, D10, D7
DB 1-23-2014
H filed D 2-14-2014
MamaB #2443727 04/06/14 08:26 PM
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Be kind to yourself MamaB, imagine what you'd say to a friend if they were in your position. There is no rush & although I know it feels like you will never get there I absolutely promise you that yo will.

Something someone said to me on here has really stuck with me "the only way through this is THROUGH it" and its true, there are no shortcuts so we just have to allow the emotions and feelings to flow and accept that each and every one of them is a sign that we are healing and moving forwards. It can be so painful at times and we feel very much like we're not getting anywhere but when you look back you will see that you are getting a little stronger with each and every day that passes.

I found packing H's stuff away really helped me, I also found putting my own stamp on things & doing some decorating helped too. I also moved some furniture around & got new bedding etc - only small things but it really helped me feel like I was moving forwards.

Your doing fab (((MamaB)))


Divorce Final: Oct 2014

Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
Upwards #2445358 04/13/14 02:57 PM
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Yes Upwards, that is so true about getting through it. I know I need to feel it and move through it, to get to the other side.

This past week and a half or so has been relatively good. I had some company from out of town. My cousin and her daughter came to look at a college in the area. It was a great dristaction for me and I really do see the benifits of GALing. A few hurdles I crossed were that I told her about the D. I have not told any of my cousins from that side and I had some fear about this. They are pretty close to H in that we have family reunions together. My cousin was supportive and sad for the my kids. She was also sympathetic to my H because she believed he was making a big mistake. I still have to tell the rest of that side, but it is a start.

I feel a shift in how I feel, even my IC noticed this week. I'm still struggling with the fact that my H asked for D, filed two weeks later without telling me, moved to another state and is basically leaving me to raise our children with no income. But, I'm starting to accept my new reality and I'm starting to work through my anger. I really don't think he understands what this is going to do to our girls, he still has not been able to tell them.

My STBXH alzo worked so hard this past year to disingage and withdraw from me and know he aks more like my old H. I realize this must be from relief and lack of pressure (mindreading) but it is hard for me. I need to withdraw now to protect myself. I just can't talk to H about anything other then kids or money because of the way I feel afterwards. I am better able to detach when there is no contact. He only contacts me know about kids and money and I try to respond only when I need to. I used to feel bad about this because I tbought I was coming across as punitive, but now I don't feel bad because I know I'm just protecting myself.

I'm ready for him to move all his stuff out of the house, I'm ready to move if I have to. I want to start living my reality. I still wish my H would come back and try for a new R, but the truth is, he is in no way ready for that, and I feel (right now) that he will never be ready for that.

As far as the D goes, our lawyers exchange information next week, and now the negotiations start. It may get ugly as I will fight for everything I can to provide for my kids. I hope not, but by all indications it may be a battle.

Sorry so long, I should probably post shorter posts more often. Thank you to anyone who reads, I feel better knowing there are others going through it and perhaps relating to my situation.


M45 H46
M16 yrs
D17, D10, D7
DB 1-23-2014
H filed D 2-14-2014
MamaB #2445390 04/13/14 07:11 PM
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I really should proofread before I post.


M45 H46
M16 yrs
D17, D10, D7
DB 1-23-2014
H filed D 2-14-2014
MamaB #2446786 04/18/14 08:03 PM
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Happy Friday everyone, Happy Good Friday for those who celerbrate. The kids are out of school today and are happily chalking up my driveway as I type.

My parents are in town for the week and I have to say it feels so great to have help. I forget how that feels, just to have the coffee made in the morning is joy! My IC wants me to concentrate on feeling happiness in the moment, so I'm really trying to focus on how nice it is to have the support of my family.

This will be our first Easter without my STBX and I feel sad that this is a first of many first to come without him. I also feel relieved that he will not be here. Today was information exchange and while I'm glad that part (paperwork) is over, I still feel fear for the next steps. I'm still working on forgiveness but it is soooooo hard. When my H mentions how he desperately misses our girls, I get so mad because, yes YOU miss them, but YOU moved so stop complaining to me. I don't write that, but I want to. I truly want to believe that life will take care of my H, so that I can continue to STFU. Some days I feel resentful because I think he has gotten off the hook so easily from me.

I feel that I'm getting stronger, still working on what I need to do/change to make myself happier, more full person and Mother. I want to celebrate the Joy.


M45 H46
M16 yrs
D17, D10, D7
DB 1-23-2014
H filed D 2-14-2014
MamaB #2447277 04/21/14 10:24 PM
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I think I my have just found that my H has an OW after all. I have suspected since BD, but he has always denied it very strongly, it mad him mad when I asked about it. I got the mail and was going through bills (all H's mail still comes to the house) and I saw a jewelry store charge on a credit card. H bought D17 jewelry from this store for her Birthday last month, this charge was from this month.

I don't for sure if it means anything, but I feel like I have been kicked in the gut. Aside from the fact that it is really tacky to by your D and your mistress jewelry from the same store, I'm most let down because I must have believed him at a core level. I want to trust him with basic decency and honesty but the hits keep coming. I won't say a eord, but as I'm in the middle of D proceedings, I have to keep an eye on his spending.

I wish I knew if I was handling everything in the best way possible, I'm NC for the most part, and that is to help me to detach. And also, so maybe he can feel what life will be like after D.

Ugh!! I hate all of this.......


M45 H46
M16 yrs
D17, D10, D7
DB 1-23-2014
H filed D 2-14-2014
MamaB #2447281 04/21/14 11:00 PM
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Mama, I noticed your H filed on Valentine's Day. What a butthole.

In my state, we have to wait 12 months from separation to D. How long do you have before the D could be final?


M: 40 H: 44
Married 14 years
S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M
2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart
Piecing: April 2014
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