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#2446373 04/17/14 03:21 PM
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3boymom Offline OP
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Time for a new thread. Here is my prior one:

Rise & Shine

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I have been feeling all over the place this past week. I had a few DB Coaching sessions left that I had not used, so I called and made an appointment for next week. Hoping to get myself back on track. With H moving to a new place in less than a month, I figure that she could help me set some goals moving forward to help deal with H's continued steps further out the door.

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This whole situation is hurtful, accepting that is hard but knowing that the hurt won't kill us is key. We go through life not taking time to feel our emotions, in fact finding things to help push those emotions down and then something like this happens and we have such a surge of emotion that it's frightening. We feel out of control and fight desperately to again push all that down.

Taking time to be sad, to be angry, to be happy, to grieve, to feel joy are all important. When we dampen one emotion, we dampen them all.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Hey 3-I think Labug gave a good perspective. I know having your H get his own place is tough. I would be sad, too. I think it's great to work with a coach and set some new goals. How are your boundaries going?


Me:33 H:35
M: 12 years
D-15 S-6
Bomb: 6-2013
OW: 11/2013
Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair
Kids and I moved back in 12/2013
H moved out 2/2014
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Hi Blues - H has been out of town with S5 and S3, so this week has been a bit different in terms of boundaries. H has sent pics of the kids and we talked when S5 was sick, but nothing other than that.

I am hoping to get into a new normal routine. H had asked for another day with the kids, since S5's baseball fell on his night. The baseball schedule has since changed so that baseball is now on my days, so no changes necessary. I am so glad because I really need to see my H less often, not more often.

H's birthday was this past week and Easter is on Sunday and we have that figured out. There are no holidays/special occasions until this fall to have to discuss/negotiate which is a huge relief.

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Easter is over...my first holiday without seeing H's family. H did come over for the kids egg hunt in the morning. After, H took the kids to his family's celebration for a few hours. I made sure to keep myself busy...went to the grocery store, cleaned up around the house and relaxed a bit. When they got back, the kids and I headed out to my parents for Easter dinner. Even though I know that there are going to be a million tough times alone the way, I am starting to really believe that I will be okay no matter what happens. I am so glad that we have no more holidays or birthdays (well mine is in June, but for some reason my own does not seem as hard).

I have a coaching session set up with my DB coach tomorrow. I just want to update her on my sitch and discuss some possible goals in light of H getting his own place in a few weeks.

The sun is shining and it is getting warmer. Last summer was absolutely horrible...my H could not have treated me much worse. Every time I miss him or what to go back, I just think of where I was last year and it brings me back to reality.

Trying hard to keep my boundaries in place. I think that H and I both need a dose of reality as to what things are going to look like post D.

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I had my coaching session with my DB coach this morning. We had not talked since December (wow, I cant believe how much time had passed). I went through the past couple of months, how we started to reconnect, ML a bunch of times, etc. So I caught her up and then talked about our most recent R conversation where I restated my boundaries since H was continuing his R with the OW and and where H confirmed that he was moving into his new place in May.

It was really nice to just talk to someone about these events, to see how far I have come and to get some affirmation that I am doing okay. She agreed with my boundaries. She said that she thinks that it came at a good time because my H admitted that there is a connection there. She said that it was good that he was able to see the good in me again, not just all the bad that he remembered to justify leaving. She also agreed that it was in the kids' best interest to not tell them what is going on until we know for sure what is going to happen (unless the ask in the meantime).

I really want to work really hard to enforce my boundaries and not let my H back in until he makes a real commitment. My life is so much more simple without him in it at the moment. Hopefully things will continue to improve.

I know that it will be hard when H moves next month. I had decided to not ask another word about the move. He previously asked if I wanted to come see him place, but I have no interest. Not sure why he even asked me that?? I actually dont even want to know which place is his because I literally have to drive past it every morning and night. I dont want to be tempted to snoop and see if someone else's car is parked there.

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9 months ago, my H packed a suitcase and moved out. It honestly seems like a lifetime ago. I really don't even remember what it feels like to have him in our home. I would NEVER go back to that time in my life. When he left, I was desperate and I would have done anything to make my H stay. Not anymore. My H needs to earn me back because I deserve so much more than he has offered over the past few years.

H has stopped fighting my boundary for the moment. He has stopped trying to engage. Life has been quiet, which is nice. Our interactions are awkward, but I am okay with it. We are communicating about the kids and that is all that matters.

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You're sounding peaceful, a good place to be.

It's so freeing when we realize our worth.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 697
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3boymom Offline OP
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Thanks bug! I am really trying to stop fighting this journey and stop trying to control how this all ends. A lot of the fear is starting to fade away as milestones pass and I am still standing and finding happiness again.

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