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Golf,

The unfairness of all this gets to me too. Sometimes I imagine God, in HIS COURT OF LAW, taking a big ol' gavel, the size of Texas, and just smashing Smokey and OW flat like a pancake.

He, GOD, would smash Smokey just after Smokey laid it all out there---all the "reasons" he HAD to put us through this (the unclean house/my earnings), all the unfairness, all the humiliation he brought upon all of us, all nasty, horrible stuff he did...God would see through the Crappola and That's when BAM!!!! God would put an end to it all.

God would use HIS gavel of justice and put us all out of our misery and get Smokey gone for good.

It's horrible, not-very-Christian, mean-spirited and probably says a lot about me in some deeply disturbed psychological way...but, ya know what? It's how I feel somedays. My girls and I were dealt some rough cards and we were profoundly let down by someone we loved and trusted. I gave this man every possible chance to redeem himself and he still tossed us aside.

It will take a lifetime to work through these feelings. It just will.

In the meantime, I will still enjoy my life. And, you will enjoy yours. Who knows what's ahead for you and the kids??!! That part is kinda exciting, isn't it?? :-)

Lots of love,

Heather


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Heather, thank you. There is nothing disturburing about how you feel. You're a healthy woman who is expressing your true feelings. You are not inhibited by shame or opinion and that's a beautiful thing. You are still amazing, loving and kind even when you are in touch with negative feelings. Keep feeling and expressing. It's who you are and God made you perfect!

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Hey GM, thanks for your response:
Quote:
AJM, it's interesting that you cheer posters on when they are writing about positive steps they take, but feel the need to counsel when negative feelings are shared. I don't need to be called out or redirected. I need encouragement. The feelings I have are normal. I'm not "shackled" by them, but I do have them from time to time and it's ok. Why is that such a problem for you? Regarding acknowledgement from xh, I didn't have expectations, but it's reasonable to be disappointed in someone who falls short.
No GM, it's more than OK to have less than happy feelings. We all do. In fact, we have a range of emotions and I firmly believe we should. But in this case, how is it that you can have no expectations and judge that he fell short at the same time? If you don't want the feedback, I'm happy to leave it out. Just say the word.

Quote:
Your posts seem to be a lot of projection. Have you ever wondered why you have such a need to point out how crazy and angry your xw is and how you boast about how happy you are? Maybe you haven't changed as much as you think you have. It's something to think about if you're really trying to be your best self.
I appreciate that feedback, GM. I don't wonder. I point it out as a way to let others know that they are not alone in what they see and feel and that they can also be happy while experiencing the interactions I do.

If my posting that information is not having the intended effect, then I am more than happy to stop posting it. Your thoughts are very much appreciate in the matter, GM.

And as always, if you don't find my posts to you helpful in any way, let me know. I am only too happy (or angry if you prefer a different emotion) to stop posting on your thread. But you should know that I firmly believe that hollow encouragement is worse than somebody helping me see something I may not have.

Cheers,
AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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AJ, I haven't read any "hollow" encouragement on my thread or anyone else's. Are you speaking about your own capabilities?

There seems to be a lack of self reflection on your part. Maybe you are unaware, but you spend a lot of time pointing out how evolved you believe you are. Many of us here are able to experience joy while dealing with very difficult circumstances. I have a great life, but I have very challenging moments just as I did when I was still married. That's normal. I don't come here to boast about how wonderful my life is. Rather, I enjoy living it. I do have days when I'm dealing with legal junk and hurtful behavior. I like to post about those times since most people here can relate.

It's up to you whether you continue to post on my thread or not. However, be aware that there are a lot of women here, and I am not one of them, who are very vulnerable, having recently been left or badly hurt by their H's. Reading feedback from a man's perspective is important to them. Don't abuse that by using that as a way to show how wonderful you've become. It seems to me that you still need that recognition from your xw. Don't let your ego get in the way of real growth.

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I appreciate the thoughts GM. I don't think I need recognition from anyone, but if you feel that way, maybe there's something to that. It certainly has not been what I've been trying to convey. I'll give it some more thought.:)

Thanks!

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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I' m sorry but I need to say something here.. We are all going through something similar and we are here to and for support, validation, help and encouragement. We share our story, sympathize with others and try to help one another. We connect more with some then others and AJ, in your defense, YOU have helped me.

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GM I do not know if this is 'off topic' or not, but I would be the first to admit that in terms of many posters here, I have not dealt 'well' with MLC. I have not entered a new relationship, dated, and many years on, still feel very very sad at times.

For a long time I was reluctant to admit to these feelings, even to myself. Then I realised that not to do so was inauthentic. I am rebuilding me from the ground up, and it is taking me a long time - others do it faster, and that is all there is to it. I am not a failure because I am a slow learner!

We feel what we feel, and we all deal differently with this stuff. Betrayal, disillusionment, loss of friendship, financial hardship flowing from this . . . these a take a long time to recover from. Now, when I see an implicit 'should' in a post I realise that it is others who do not want us to feel that pain - it is kindness and concern. Sometimes, also, we all make mistakes in how we approach things, and posters want to hep us. But we feel what we feel, and recovering from this takes time.

I would not dream of posting to someone who seems fine a year or so on as to whether this is authentic, I believe that they are OK, but as for me, putting my life back together and truly healing is taking a frighteningly long time. So perhaps it is the 'I am all right, why aren't you?' that we are responding to. Because we aren't, we are trying to be be OK, but it just takes some people longer, for a whole variety of reasons.

This might not help, but it is my truth.

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GolfMom...how are you?


BombOctober 2012-
OW 11/28/12 -H still denies
Separated 11/29/12
Own place 12/12/12
Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13
Oct 2013 - I knew I was done
Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
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