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TL72* Offline OP
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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2432576&page=1

Just starting a new thread - now I won't be reminded of the day H moved out since I have a new title. grin


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
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Originally Posted By: TL72*
Just starting a new thread - now I won't be reminded of the day H moved out since I have a new title. grin

Good for you welcome to your new thread.


Me-70, D37,S36
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Hi TL,

I think there is good stuff behind door number 2:)



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Thanks guys smile
I was just reading old threads - sometimes I wish there was an "update" button to see what happened to a lot of posters who just stop posting with no real closure. Just the curious reader in me.
Tonight is divorce rebuilding group, looking forward to that. I will most likely see exH Sunday when he brings me the dissolution papers and final check for his portion of the health insurance, he managed to forget them 2 weeks ago and only brought the d papers. It's all final but I need the copies for my files and to refi the house. I think this is the last time i'll have to contact him for anything. His birthday is tomorrow. I've been down for about a week, I think it had to do with Easter, his birthday this week and our anniversary is in less than a month. Just a lot of firsts without him. It was 2 months yesterday that he moved out. Feels like so much longer. I need to focus on myself more and not finding myself wondering about our sitch so much. In reality, after Sunday there is no sitch. We're divorced. it's done. I will let him make the next contact and see what happens. I like what you said GB - good stuff is coming.


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,103
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Hi TL,
Went back and read your thread from the start. One thing I noticed was your H started Testosterone injections not long before B-day. I am 52 and started injections about 4 months before my W's B-day.(10 months ago) I will tell you this, after about 6 months I started to feel different. I lost weight and had physical effects but I also had mental ones. My thinking became clearer, I had more energy and my interest in sex increased (not the intimate side, more the wanting to have the physical experience). Hard part there was my W was no longer at all interested in sex with me (one of the hurtful things she has said many times is that she thinks about and wants to have sex, just NOT with ME!).

I can see how this could change a mans personality, if he was going into an MLC especially. For me, I wanted my W as I wasn't unhappy with my life. Not happy, but I knew my W wasn't the cause if I wasn't. I can see that if he was going into MLC the testosterone could well have speed things up in his MLC messed up brain! Considering how fast your sitch has progressed from B-day to D, it well may have played a part.

Some of the side effects that I was told were less anger control, may become somewhat more selfish, sound familiar? I don't think it could CAUSE a person to go into MLC but I can see how, if they are already starting down that road, speed up the process. Here he is already going into MLC and suddenly his anger level goes up (who to be angry at, well his W of course), he is feeling more selfish and we all know how MLCers are already "all about me"! If the beginings of MLC were already there, these new "feelings" could have helped push him down the road. Is he still taking the injections that you know of?

I don't know how this info can help you but I guess it can't hurt. I will say I have great admiration for you. You have handled your sitch so well from the start and I envy your strength. You have and are showing much grace through your journey! From what I have read of your posts I can say I for one am sure that no matter what the outcome with H, you will come through better for it for sure!

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Matt - thank you so much for posting! I knew in my head that the testosterone played a role in this but having you say that just helps me realize I'm not crazy for thinking that. He was taking the injections up until he moved out, although the doctors told him to stop for a few weeks due to extreme high red blood cell count. I took him (after BD) to the blood bank to donate blood. Then he moved out shortly after. I did ask once if he heard from the doctor because at the time they hadn't called him back after his last blood test. He only answered "yes" and did not say anything else so I did not ask anything else. He had gotten a refill before he moved out though so I'm going to assume he's still taking it. On the side effects, YES loss of anger control bigtime - mostly at work though, he came home angry every day and would have tantrums about work stuff, then of course he told me he was angry at ME almost all the time. Selfish behavior - YES, it was all about him. I was doing everything just trying to keep the peace. I realize now that I was playing my role too with the whole over-responsible issues I have. The sex thing YES, he went on it because he felt his erections were not what they were before and low energy,couldn't lose weight, low sex drive and this is someone who has had a high drive since I met him when he was 39. He was watching porn all the time but that was nothing new. Our sex life was always good and he didn't complain about that, but he admitted to me that coworkers were hitting on him and he wanted to do something but didn't because he was married and he blamed ME for that. He has a history of depression, his father was loony so I know he has FOO issues as well. Anyway, I agree, the shots didn't start this MLC, he was already in depression before the shots, I think it just sort of sped things up somehow. I suggested the replacement therapy because he needed balance, I didn't know that he might need IC but he was not interested in that at all either and he declined the AD at his last physical. The doctors are informative but not informative enough. I went with him to an appt because they showed me how to give the injections, he couldn't do it himself, I suppose he learned how. They never mentioned any of these side effects and he never told them he was having any. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about it anyway, I am learning to let it go and detach. It does sort of settle my mind though to have an explanation, I was searching for one for months and have only recently figured out it doesn't matter the reason, it just IS. Thank you so much for posting, it does help me. I'm sorry about your W, that was a terrible thing for her to say. I so appreciate your kind words, you have no idea - I have been forced to do a lot of introspection since the BD and I read a lot of information so I think in the long run - maybe he did me a favor. I definitely have my own issues I'm working on so IF he ever comes back, which I highly doubt at this point, but IF he did, I think i'm more capable of having a mature relationship, one that would be better and more healthy. So I'm taking his gift of time and trying to put it to good use. I will go read up on your sitch. Thank you again for posting, it really does somehow make me feel better.


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
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Hi TL,
I've been watching your story as it unfolded. Yours is very similar to mine. No kids together, only 4 dogs, bomb drop 1/5/14, H expediting divorce quickly, together &/or married similar #years. At first, I perused as a guest, up so could not post to your page, and then was on moderation after signing up as member.
My H is undoubtedly in MLC, as is yours. H movers come week from today for his furniture, even though he moved out to hotel unexpectedly on 4/13 (since i discovered OW that H had been denying existed--although i dont think you have an OW in open in your sitch).

I wish I could give you a hug as I can truly relate to your pain.
Keep posting your happenings here. You inspire me, too!
Hang in there, TL!
(((TL))))


M 56 H 52
M 13.5 T 15
S 28 twinStep Ds 24
ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14
Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14
Divorce final 7/8/14


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TL -

Your head must be spinning with the quickness of your H actions. You are so put together for only dealing with this a short time. I am six months and struggling a lot. The hard part is I am continuuing to analyze everything he does - basically having hard time detaching. H has detached more than me. We are in same household and he is threatening divorce.

Everyone have a great weekend. Keep your chins up high. Thanks for being my rocks and friends!

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cczamo - thank you for your hugs. My exH turned 56 yesterday, we do have similar sitches don't we! Mine did deny OW and left quickly but I do think it was at the very least an EA. It seemed he wanted PA and us being married stopped him from doing that because of his morals. Mine didn't even bother taking furniture, he left almost everything. I think he cashed out his 401k and bought all new. I can only guess and it was either that or he moved in with OW but I stopped speculating, it was driving me crazy. Anytime you need to talk just holler at me. It is nice to talk to people that understand. Scooby, I analyze almost constantly, he did me a favor by leaving because I don't see or hear any of it, so I don't have to watch it and I have no way of knowing any details of his life now. I stopped looking and of course separated out all the accounts so now it just doesn't matter anymore. Of course I think about it and have to stop myself because my imagination is worse than the real thing probably. Detaching is hard, especially when you were attached for so long. The MLC'er makes it look so easy. If he was still here i'm sure i'd be pulling out my hair by now. He comes over Sunday so i'll see him for an hour or so, he of course appears perfectly happy and makes me question MLC. Then I think about all his actions and know that it is. It really svcks and I'm still going through depression like every one else but I do see progress in myself and that keeps me going. Trying to have gratitude for the good things and keep a positive attitude. Still have my moments when I just cry, less though. You do have to allow yourself time to grieve for sure. It won't always be this way, I can't ever know what the future holds but you know what, we'll all be ok eventually. Even if they never come back. Take care of yourselves and thank you for posting on my sitch, it means so much to me to have others going through this. (((hugs)))


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 222
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TL you are way more put together than I could dream of being. Keep your chin up and be happy with you.


W-37
Me-37
M-16yrs & 5days
W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014
D-8/13/2014
S16
S13
S11
D8
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