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Thanks everyone for your support.

TLD, H has been court ordered to split all bonuses with me 50/50. He has done everything in his power to keep me from getting that money. Going Through paperwork, my attorney's office found over $10,000 in bonuses that H has hidden from me. He has come up with excuse after excuse for not sharing the money with me, but the latest is a $6600 patent bonus he never disclosed and blatently lied about last time we were in court.

Mr. Bond, I prefer to communicate with H via email or text, but he is getting so off balance that I don't think he knows what he is doing. He has this glazed look in his eyes. He is just, how do you say, losing his marbles! I looked at him yesterday and he looks horrible. I know, consider the source, but his hair has grayed more (what is left of it) and he just looks aged. I would like to say I look pretty dam good!

Met with the lawyer today for a preliminary meeting. My eyes glazed over talking about percentages, Mac Davis calculations, maintenance, support figures, equalization payments, etc!!! Thank God I have a lawyer!! I think H's head is going to explode. I just don't see how this will help. H will never agree to what my lawyer suggests.

This is going to be a long week.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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WH,

If H doesn't/won't agree to whatever financial support terms you and L come up with, I am wondering if you can force H's hand by requesting a summary decision by the judge instead of going through the rigmarole of a circus trail. Which means the decision by the judge is the final word and H cannot continue flouting any more binding orders otherwise wage garnishment will take place effective immediately.

Is this an option in your area?

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I have no idea, Wonka.

I am not looking forward to this at. All. I don't think it will get anywhere and frankly the thought of sitting in a room for two hours with H and my attorney going at it makes me nauseous.

And next Friday is the de novo hearing. I wish H would just go play in heavy traffic.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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Take a deep breath. You have a good attorney, H has a fool for an attorney (himself) and if your offer is reasonable according to the laws of your state, the judge will not be impressed with him if he is not coming back with a reasonable counter offer.

During negotiations, you might remind him gently that two households are always more expensive than one, that everybody's standard of living goes down in a divorce, that you are not asking for anything that the law doesn't allow. Also figure out what you are willing to "give" him in the negotiations; you want to try to make it a "win-win" situation where he can at least come away thinking "well, at least I got XY or Z". Is there anything small or stupid that you can give him if he needs a "win"?

Also, stay STRICTLY away from any emotional discussions; this is about the business of divorce, do not let him lure you into any emotional talk.

There are formulas for child support, alimony, dividing retirement funds etc. Your attorney can give him a pretty good idea of what the court would decide. If he still insists on going to court, I'm betting you'll do just as well with the judge as you will with mediation. I know it will be frustrating not to be done with it, but I still think you'll come out all right in the end.

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Quote:
H will never agree to what my lawyer suggests.
That's how negotiations work. You ask for something, usually more than you expect to get, they disagree and counter, you disagree and counter... rinse. repeat until done. It's just the process and how it works.

One strategy is to delay as long as possible in hopes you can outlast the other in the negotiations. Your H won't last, but he may delay a bit longer.

He deserves to look old and stressed. This is what he asked for and worked for. The more you don't play along, the more stressed he becomes. Why? I think Bond is correct in his view.

You really should do your best to guide the conversations to text and email. If for no other reason than to have a record if needed. I had to do the same. And believe me, it doesn't end quickly. But it is manageable and useful for later down the road. There will come a time you'll need that information, most likely. Your wingnut will persist until it becomes necessary if I am reading the tea leaves correctly. And so far he has been incredibly predictable in his wonkiness (no relation, Wonka.)

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Sooooooo....

Discussions went much better than I thought. H didn't storm out of the room, nor did he bang his fist on the table or put his fist through the wall. Hey...I have a vivid imagination!

We are set on the child support figures. Done deal. H finally agreed to pay me maintenance, but the amount per month is still up in the air. I think we will all agree on somewhere in the middle. The thing that has me really baffled is that H agreed to pay me maintenance for 5 years! That is on the high end of the time period. Something is up with that! But I told my attorney H probably thinks he won't have to pay maintenance to me when he remarries OW. But that's not how it's gonna happen.

The property division is pretty straightforward. H lowered the value of his car and of our pop-up camper. He said the camper is probably only worth about $500 but he gave me the benefit of the doubt and put $1000 as the value in the spreadsheet. Afterward my attorney and I agreed that if the camper was at such a low value that I should keep the camper as part of the settlement. So that's our new strategy.

I have to hand it to my attorney. He plays H like a violin. He's good. He's expensive, but good. He had H thinking H was making all the rules. In reality, we are getting exactly what we want. And I guess that is how you play the game.

H did try an "aha" moment on me that I was not disclosing a financial asset. He claimed I had 3 CD accounts rather than 2. I told him he was mistaken. He showed me a bank statement for my CDs from 2012 showing the two CDs were account numbers 12 and 13. He said "WH, what is this account #14?" and threw the paper at me. It took a moment for it to dawn on me until I realized that account #12 was closed after I withdrew the $300 from it to pay mediation costs and it was reopened as account #14. Sorry H. You didn't uncover some huge secret I have been hiding. Kudos for your attempt at investigative digging, Sherlock,

So we are a few steps closer. I hope we can come to agreement so we don't have to go to the de novo hearing and my attorney is hoping we can us the contempt charges in our favor to get a sweeter deal and get closure faster. I am feeling hopeful. Not overly optimistic, but hopeful.

And H confirmed I would get the kids next Friday. So I just need to keep myself busy all next week. I am fighting off another cold (thanks to my brother and his germs this past weekend) so I am hoping to feel better so I can do some things on my own before the kids come back.

I am feeling like a new woman right now. I am organizing a "baseball outing" for my department as a bonding experience. I have been attending Adobe InDesign Users Group meetings at our local community college as well. Great for networking and meeting new people and bonding with people you already know. Also good for learning tips and tricks in the trade.

Sun is shining and I feel like 20 pounds has been lifted off my shoulders. Now I just hope H agrees to what he said he would agree to. One step at a time.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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AJ,

And so far he has been incredibly predictable in his wonkiness (no relation, Wonka.)

I thank God for this!!! grin How's your Stewart-tartan bowtie going these days?

WH,

I like your L. Good to have one at your side, eh?

A baseball outing sounds FUN! Make the most of it, baby!

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I like your lawyer too smile

And yes, Wonka, the bow-tie is still in place. It's not sunny here at the moment, but I'm sure the sun will shine on my grape before too long... wink

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Great news!! Great lawyer.

One step, one day at time...

Dont live expecting the worst just live in the now.


----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

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Glad to hear things are finally on the upside for you smile

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