not sure how far gone we are...

[SeanB]

Hoping to see replies today, could use some guidance.
Thank you!

[JennD]

Hi Sean. I can't offer much as I'm very new to this nightmare but I can see you're in pain and trying...keep your head up and hopefully some more experienced people can respond with some advice...

Jenn

[unbidden]

I think that how you acted at dinner was perfect. Good job.

[Upwards]

How do I 180/DB when she is obviously trying to provoke me? I don't think I am supposed to just sit here and take it am I? This my next big battle. Right now I am resolved and will smile and act as though I am ok. But right now, it might not come off as sincere as today I am wounded.

I dont know the specific situation so its hard to say but you could try validating her feelings ie "I'm sorry you feel that way, it wasnt my intention to make you feel that way" or similar - Dont argue, just validate her feelings even if you don't agree.

Last night I had the 180 in full effect for our family event.

It sounds like you did REALLY well! Keep it up, even when its difficult and your breaking inside just try to "act as if" and carry on as you were. Well done, keep it up!

How do you feel about it since?

[MrBond]

Have you written down your goals as stated in DR?

Did you actually read the book and thoroughly.

[SeanB]

Have you written down your goals as stated in DR?

Did you actually read the book and thoroughly.

I have. I have to rewrite them again to be sure they are good goals.
I have read the book but need to go back through it again.
I am saving up for a DB coach session.

[SeanB]

One of the harder things for me to do right now is GAL.
I am spending a fair amount of time @ the gym (3-4 nights a week)but my location makes it hard to do much else. Almost all of my friends are tied into our family so I have few outlets of that sort.
It makes detaching that much harder.
I should have time to reread DR in the coming days so I will focus on that.

In the meantime I work on my 180's and seek opportunity to GAL.

[SeanB]

Haven't posted in a bit, but I have kept looking to see if there was any responses.
We had a mostly 'up' week and she seemed to get closer to me before the weekend.
There is an overall feeling of wanting to talk about the R but I am not sure WHEN it is ok to do that. So we keep coexisting in the house and essentially living our separate lives when we're not at home. I have another appointment with my IC and hope to make more personal progress on myself then. Until then, I watch for any words from the good folks here.

[SeanB]

I am going to buy the 5 Love Languages..should my W see that I am reading it?

[artsy]

^^ no! She'll see it as manipulation. Read it and try to identify her LL AND yours. It may make some things more clear for you about how things happened in the past.

Then start using her LL. She needs to feel its a permanent change.

It gets easier with time. Hang in there...