W's friends are advising her to get to L. They are afraid that I am going to have her served.
I am in no rush to do that, yet: 1. It wouldn't be DB 2. It would make me the bad guy 3. It's to my financial advantage to have her earn as much as possible at new job before figuring out alimony/support.
So, it would appear that she has credible threat of D by me. Yet, OM still in picture as of yesterday.
Her FRIENDS think you are a credible threat, but does your WIFE? That is unclear from your post, Zew.
Affairs are not only highly addictive, but they are also FILLED with resentment, and FUELED by entitlement. Especially for a woman who think she's been wronged. And if your wife (like mine was/is) is also naturally stubborn anyway???
It took me BOTH filing AND busting her affair, AND playing a very forceful financial hand that I could play as the sole breadwinner for her to finally hit bottom and decide to come back to the marriage. It's not at all surprising to me that your wife still hasn't turned away from her path if you have only maybe ONE of those things working for you.
Starsky take a look at my thread please!! sorry to post that here
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Her FRIENDS think you are a credible threat, but does your WIFE? That is unclear from your post, Zew.
She says she isn't sure if I'll do it or not. She says she knows I'll be a total a$$hole in the proceedings.
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It took me BOTH filing AND busting her affair, AND playing a very forceful financial hand that I could play as the sole breadwinner for her to finally hit bottom and decide to come back to the marriage. It's not at all surprising to me that your wife still hasn't turned away from her path if you have only maybe ONE of those things working for you.
This would be totally outside of the DB playbook, which is not out of the question, given that her current plan is to cake eat for a year. This would not be "become the man she'd be crazy to leave", but "live up to the description of the financially controlling a$$hole she describes me as now."
I have told her I know of affair, but not with enough detail to blow my cover. She denies. Might be able to scare OM with a written summary of details asking for an explanation. Could blow my cover. Could easily convince OM's W. Admissible evidence is very unlikely given their MO. W has said she thinks OM wants to get caught. I see that as a sign that he is too weak to make his D call on his own, he wants his W to do it. Or that he'll only break A if someone else does it for him.
I could ratchet down finances to child support/alimony levels. W will have her own income within a few weeks. She will never, never, never, never understand what she will be facing financially until it happens to her, though.
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How did you answer your D12 btw?
She asked W, not me. I have no idea what her answer was.
This would be totally outside of the DB playbook . . .
Not really. It's pretty much the "After the Last Resort Technique," although I went straight to it, which is what I believe works best for unrepentant affairs anyway.
And I also re-made myself into the man she married. Two parallel paths. I always saw this as an "AND" and not an "OR" when it came to strategies.
I also want to take the time out to read your history. I know that's a tome or two - is there a good date to start at?
I listen to her, and I hear the indecision. She's driven by anger, addiction to OM, and all the friends she's had pile on. I sense there's still a chance, but daily I see her succumbing to her friends' advice, which doesn't allow for any chance of R, because all of them went through to D. I wonder if any of them had a partner willing to work with them towards R.
Go to my Chocolateeyes threads, and look for May-Aug 2007. "I Won't Walk Out the Loser" is the central thread there of when I made the difficult decision to file for divorce.
I discovered my wife's affair in May of that year, and came back to the marriage in August.
Except for the SSM part. Never had that until EA started in the fall.
Ha. "Take it On the Run" by LRB. W and I have the radio on low in our bedroom for background noise. Every time they play that lately after we turn in for the night, I start tapping my foot. I can't help it.
I suppose I really shouldn't do that.
W's now in month 5 of a PA that followed 2 months of EA. Some might say that's still early in the game. She's overcoming her guilt. I don't know that patience is helping me. I'm mulling a plan. It may be unorthodox and cause many angst. I'll run it by the board when I'm ready.
sorry to post that here