Loot and lawyers ...

[Train]

I love how you vets don't "deny me the dignity of my own struggle," but - DANG! - this is HARD to figure out!

When I came to understand the extent of Ms. Wonka's affair with the OW, I very firmly told her that the OW cannot come near the house or inside our house. I was quite angry when I said this to Ms. Wonka

Ugh. Yeah. Feel your pain. I read a text from H to OW that said: "I bet you'd get off to me f***king the sh!t outta you in Train's bed." I didn't set a boundary per se. I just flipped on him ... and changed the locks. And sent OW a text, telling her to keep her filthy mind out of my marital bed! They're seriously sick.

Okay, I'm down to this now:

TrainMan,

The kids are excited that you're making plans to spend time with them here this weekend.

Just one “ground rule” on this end:

While you're here, please do not text OW or call her in front of us. Beyond this weekend and going forward, please also do not text or otherwise communicate with her inside our family home like you have before. While we are still married – even while living apart – communicating with her in front of us is disrespectful to me, to our marriage and to our family.

S7 said you're planning to head this way Friday. Keep us posted on your ETA that evening, and I'll have a parking pass waiting for you.

Safe travels,

Train

[Wonka]

Train,

The second draft was much better than the first...don't you agree?

The comment ^^ to Ms. Wonka took place almost 10 years ago. I am way past it now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TrainMan,

The kids are excited that you're making plans to spend time with them here this weekend.

Just one “ground rule” on this end:

While you're here, please do not text OW or call her in front of us or around us. Beyond this weekend and going forward from today and on, please also do not text or otherwise communicate with her inside our family home like you have before in the past. While we are still married – even while living apart – communicating with her in front of and around us is extremely disrespectful to me, to our marriage and to our family. If this occurs, you need to leave the house.

S7 said you're planning to head this way Friday. Keep us posted on your ETA that evening, and I'll have a parking pass waiting for you.

Safe travels,

Train
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you see how firm this sounds, Train? Also this clarifies the "not in front of us" part...which means he could very well think that he can do it around you, but not in front of you. This way, you make yourself abundantly clear to H what your boundary is...there's no wiggle room for H. Nor can he claim that he misunderstood or misinterpreted this in any shape, fashion, line, hooker..sinker!

[Train]

Okay, okay. I'm feeling some backbone.

Do you see how firm this sounds, Train?

Ummm, yes. It's definitely firm. Not much wiggle room there.

Question: when I say, "if this occurs, you'll need to leave the house" ... should I include, for this weekend's stay specifically, that if he cannot agree to the terms then he shouldn't come down?

[Train]

Also ...

I'm not going to project here, but I can almost BET he's going to fire back with something like this (because it's his standard come-back: "Disrespectful to our marriage? We're not married anymore! I left you!"

Before, I've calmly stated: "We are still married. We are not even legally separated yet."

But what's a better way to respond to that, in your opinion?

[Wonka]

Question: when I say, "if this occurs, you'll need to leave the house" ... should I include, for this weekend's stay specifically, that if he cannot agree to the terms then he shouldn't come down?

No. Why else do we have those boundaries in place if people are not given the chance to comply with them? The rest is up to H. Watch his actions.

[Train]

No. Why else do we have those boundaries in place if people are not given the chance to comply with them? The rest is up to H. Watch his actions.

You smart cookie, you.

[Wonka]

Also ...

I'm not going to project here, but I can almost BET he's going to fire back with something like this (because it's his standard come-back: "Disrespectful to our marriage? We're not married anymore! I left you!"

Before, I've calmly stated: "We are still married. We are not even legally separated yet."

But what's a better way to respond to that, in your opinion?

You're borrowing trouble and imagining things that are not even taking place nor has happened at all. Sit tight and watch.

I'd sleep on this tonight and take a look at the final email draft before hitting the "send" button.

[Train]

Oh, you and Starsky and your keeping-me-on-the-straight-and-narrow!

How I love the accountability!

I will definitely sleep on it and might even give it through tomorrow afternoon before I send. THANK YOU for your help, Wonka!

[Wonka]

Glad to be of support here, Train baby!

[Train]

I wish there was a heart emoji, Wonka.

One simple question - all semantics - this morning:

Instead of dignifying OW by referring to her by name the one time I do in the letter, would it come across as petty for me to call her "your mistress" ... or "your girlfriend" ... instead?