We had agreed to and have been seeing a MC from the first week this all came out. MC has 35 years experience and says he sees and deals with infidelity every day. I don’t know if he has DBing experience, I did not ask when we started seeing him. He was recommended by a friend.
Ok, so I must request for folks to please not freak and/or push me as I’m still trying to process and decide for myself WTH just happened and WTH I am doing. But I wanted to at least give an update on the MC appt. MC really takes at face value what H is saying about not having contact with OW. I’m not saying that he feels I should necessarily just take it at face value too but I must admit I didn’t really take the opportunity to make demands about what I would need to feel safe. I don’t know why exactly because I went in very prepared to. H continues to insist that he has not had contact with OW since March 7th, when he broke it off with her via phone.
H and I got into a pretty heated argument while there. He clearly feels like I’m just going to hold this over this head forever. Not that it’s really been that long but based on how I’ve treated him about things he’s done in the past. He seems to feel that it’s “in the past and we all know it was wrong so let’s just work on moving forward”. He also felt my attitude last night while questioning him was sort of obnoxious (I really tried not to be) which set him off, supposedly. I tried to question him (and so did the MC) on what specifically was obnoxious and he could not give specifics.
He was defensive and cold the whole appointment. He did finally at least fess up that he saw her on Valentine’s day but I had to ask him very specifically, he obviously couldn’t deny it bc there’s a gas charge on the CC. MC seemed much less concerned about getting caught up in lies during the affair but to me this is a NEW lie because I asked him about it last night. I did express that. He left the appointment basically saying he ‘did not know how he feels’ and just ‘needed some time’. I am just trying to process it all and figure out where I stand, what I want/need, WTH I’m doing. Thanks again to everyone for listening.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
So H wants you to heal on his terms...perfect! I understand him wanting to leave the past in the past, but if you don't deal with it, it will keep coming up. Tell him you need to face what happened and process and cope and deal with it now. If you do not it will be brought up time and time again - just like the other things he mentioned. In my IC, I am having to deal with things from past that have nothing to do with H - so that I can better handle situations when they come up.
Not too brilliant of him to use the CC. That seems to be a common mistake. I was told they got the date wrong when he ordered a movie - he said it was when we watched a movie like a month ago. UMMM I am not that blonde! WTF - they lies are getting worse. H is even starting to believe his own lies and tells truth maybe 10% of time.
