DB GOAL SETTING THREAD - What are your goals?

[Upwards]

I tend to set short term (2 weeks) goals to improve things with me & H then I do longer term ones for me personally & things in general

My general ones:

1/ Sell our house & move to new house - fresh start very much needed!
2/ Voluntary work - still trying to figure what I want to do.
3/ Spend some quality 1 to 1 time with each of the kids separately.
4/ Continue to uncover my fears & work on myself.
5/ Detach more & stay detached - keep slipping on this one.
6/ Remind myself often that I deserve to be loved, respected & treated with dignity.

[woundedfool]

Not a goal, but FWIW, I set goals into two groups....

1. Goals for me

2. Relationship/exW/M goals

Doing that helped my focus on them better, and it felt I achieved them more often.

[cczamo]

I think this is an awesome way to get goal ideas. Thanks, Upwards.
My goals:
1- remove STBX from speed dial on my cell.
2- learn computer and cell tech so I dont have to ask STBX (my tech specialist) for help any more. Or to find good help on this from others.
3- get back to maintaining my cool, yet friendly DB with STBX after losing it last FRiday upon my discovering OW.
4- planning ahead more re GAL, rather than thinking of what to do that same day.
5- Find out what I like to do, and do it. Still not sure what that is, in terms of hobbies, etc.
6- Work on making new single girl friends.
7- becoming more independent and being brave enough to go out and meet new people by myself. Even consider planning a trip alone, because traveling alone scares me to death.
8-keep off the 15 lbs that DB stress allowed me to lose without any more additional pain than I was already feeling with Separation/D/OW/BD...
9-Become the woman that H was crazy to leave,
10-Detach and detach and detach to the point where, at some point down the road, I'll catch myself and say, "Wow, it's been xx (hours, days, weeks, or months) since I've (been sad about XH, or thought about XH), because my life is so awesome without him.
11- get to the point where I dont look forward to being giddy when H realizes what a HUGE mistake he made in destroying our M and leaving me.

[Upwards]

Fab goals everyone, keep them coming!!!!

What about goals that you've ACHIEVED since DB'ing?! Share those too

[hope456]

What about goals that you've ACHIEVED since DB'ing?! Share those too

I've reconnected with a couple of friends with whom I had lost touch. It's been awesome catching up with them

[Upwards]

How is everyone getting on?

My new goals:

1/ Remain NC/LC with H.
2/ Keep the focus on ME and moving myself forward.
3/ Lots of quality time & fun with the kids.
4/ Don't isolate myself, reach out to friends for support.
5/ GAL, GAL, GAL!!! Keeping busy!

[Ggrass]

Well I only have a couple
1 to keep going with lrt and nc
2 to have him contact me
3 to have a weekend away (gal)
4 get invited to a ball that is by invite only (gal)

[Maybell]

This is a really helpful thread, I'm sorry to see it dying a little bit.

So here's my contribution:

1. Get to work on house projects that I've let idle while I melted down over H.
2. Get my running in shape again, register for 5k and half-marathon I've had my eye on, get training plan set up and implement it.
3. Meet with attorney and decide what I want to do about divorce/separation
3a. Make H understand that I'm not waiting in the wings for HIM to decide what he wants -- I am worth fighting for. If he can't see that then it's his loss.
4. Sort out what I want from IC and set some goals there as well
5. Get my resume in order and get to work finding a job that I feel great about.

[Maybell]

Here's a question, though:

my understanding when reading DR was that some of my goals should pertain to interactions with the spouse. I don't have any here; I have told him that I was not going to maintain a friendship with him until he stopped communicating with OW because I couldn't respect myself if I tolerated that. He hasn't really answered me, though his facial expressions when I told him that (and repeated it yesterday after an unfortunate margarita) have been interesting -- like, cheerful. Since then, we are friendly and he has been complimenting and accommodating me quite a lot, but in other ways he's TREMENDOUSLY inconsiderate. So I don't have any goals about moving our relationship in any direction because the OW is a deal-breaker for me. But ought I to? Or is setting that boundary a kind of a goal?

(I should add that I most likely won't be in contact with him for the next month owing to his international travel schedule)

[claire7]

Great exercise for the start of the week!

1) finish a few home improvement projects by end of june
2) begin exercising at least 1/week on weekends
3) fill summer calendar with GAL activities.
4) get cooking! At least one real meal a week.