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I haven't signed yet. It was submitted to me for review. I just want to move on with my life. The longer this goes on the more equity accumulates in the house (and I will have to pay a percentage of it to xh) and the more I incur in legal fees. We could go to trial, but it's not worth the emotional cost.

It's all wrong, but I'm in a "no fault" state. The frustrating part is if I would have gotten a support order immediately when xh abandoned us and continued to be a stay at home mom he would have owed me a lot more. I did what I thought was the best choice for my boys and that was to quickly find a job so I could keep them in their home and provide stability. I was the responsible parent and have done everything I can to give my boys the best life I can. That plan has cost me a lot of money and caused a lot of grief. Xh has hugely benefited. He's never thanked me for solely caring for the boys or for working hard to contribute to their care and my own needs. That as been a burden off of him.

Having this done means no regular contact with xh. I will have full custody of the boys with no visitation for xh. My support will be paid by garnishment. There just won't be much, if anything, to communicate about. Xh is getting what he wanted - money.

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Wow! Your XH in my opinion is an idiot. He gave up rights to his kids? He really is off his rocker. I cannot believe money would be that enticing to him. What a maroon!

Are you sad about the less contact with XH? Maybe you need the time away from him to heal. The reality is no matter how much he wants the money not custody there is a relationship. You had kids together and there are always events, and then when the kids are grown there are grandkids. I am sure you will see him through the years at the kids events.

Continue to GAL! And love those beautiful kids all that you can. My kids and I cuddle lots and call it "cuddle bugs." It is amazing how kids and animals can heal your heart faster than anything else.

REad as much as you can, and post often. It is a healing process. Sorry your X is so off the wall right now. I hope he comes back to reality.

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Sad, no. I've been through the wringer and have posted about it the last few years. I will finally have some peace. My xh has a personality disorder and a gambling addiction which led to a lot of abuse during our marriage. The end of my dream is very, very sad. Having xh out of my life is not.

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(((GM)))

I am so sorry. You have been through the wringer. It's despicable how you have to give up so much you have worked so hard to save in order to have peace.

I hope your X gets his just reward.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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GM,
It's his loss and he'll never regain the time he's lost w/his family, especially w/his boys. He thinks money will buy him happiness, but when the funds run out he'll discover that he's lost everything.

I'm sorry that you are having to make a decision such as this, but sometimes your peace of mind is more valuable than the money you've lost along the way. Yes, you've lost quite a bit, but when you do sign the paperwork, the heavy burden you have carried for such a long time will be lifted off your shoulders for you will know then that the tension and his contact about money will be over and then you can finally put all of your focus on you and your sons.

Try not to look at the glass half empty...I see a lot of positives going on here and hopefully one day soon, so will you.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Quote:
He's never thanked me for solely caring for the boys or for working hard to contribute to their care and my own needs.
That is quite rude of him, isn't it?

I do find it hard to believe you did it hoping for a thanks or a pat on the back though. I mean, if he has a PD and addiction, it's kind of hard to think you would have, unless there was some other reason you hoped for it that I'm missing.


Can you see why I called that out?

Hope it's almost over for you GM, so you can release that burden and start the next chapter without being so shackled...


AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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GM -

I am so sorry. He is going to be devastated once he wakes up and smells the coffee. I can see you are a caring, nice person, and he just stomped all over you - not fair. I keep wondering what it takes to make them fall back to reality.

If you need to vent come here - we will all help you.

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AJM, it's interesting that you cheer posters on when they are writing about positive steps they take, but feel the need to counsel when negative feelings are shared. I don't need to be called out or redirected. I need encouragement. The feelings I have are normal. I'm not "shackled" by them, but I do have them from time to time and it's ok. Why is that such a problem for you? Regarding acknowledgement from xh, I didn't have expectations, but it's reasonable to be disappointed in someone who falls short.

Your posts seem to be a lot of projection. Have you ever wondered why you have such a need to point out how crazy and angry your xw is and how you boast about how happy you are? Maybe you haven't changed as much as you think you have. It's something to think about if you're really trying to be your best self.

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GM I am on vacation with a widowed friend of mine so not reading or posting much, but I read this and agree with all you said.

We need to share negative feelings - my widowed friend has been sharing her grief, and it is an important part of the true healing process to discuss our feelings in a safe place, as most of the time we cannot share them, even with close family. I feel the same - of course we do not 'expect' thanks or appreciation from these guys, but they are the parent, and it would be nice. It is actually healthy to expect good behaviour from people!!

And my widowed friend is a lawyer (not divorce!) but she agrees that no fault isn't actually fair if one person walks away. If this were a business deal there would be penalties

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Bea, thank you so much for validating my feelings. You've been down a similar path so I know you understand. Enjoy your vacation!

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