I think you can stand up to SBTXW and tell her that given her past actions, you would not be comfortable with having her coming around your backyard and that she'll have to make other arrangements with the friend to meet elsewhere. That is boundary-setting for YOUR own well-being.
So, I sent her a message saying, "I think it would be better for everyone, if you meet at your house. That way there won't be any awkwardness"
She flipped and sent me back a angry text telling me how unfair it was last year, when she had to watch me and Daughter enjoying Easter with her friends and family. She also noted that it was unfair that she couldn't spend time with HER friends, and that they wouldn't all be willing to drive the additional 15 minutes to visit her....I am never ever going to understand the mindset of the WAS. Lol
She also noted that it was unfair that she couldn't spend time with HER friends, and that they wouldn't all be willing to drive the additional 15 minutes to visit her
Not your issue.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
STBXW and I had words, first time in many many months. I was informed that OM was using daughters picture as his cover photo for Facebook. Something about that just triggered me BIGTIME. I phoned and demanded that he take it down. Needless to say, STBXW didn't respond well. I later texted her apologizing that it was not my right to do that, and that I over reacted.
We also had our first round of mediation. It didn't go as well as hoped. We were able to agree on some of the smaller issues, but left a whole lot on the table. My attorney and also the mediator, felt that stbxw is being a little unreasonable in her demands. Unfortunately, STBXW's attorney has cut her loose, so she didn't have legal representation (voice of reason) to help her in her decisions making. The deal is, She is simply not willing to work (by choice, even though she proclaims herself as making an effort. She works 9-12 hours a week. Apparently, she expects me to support her and act as a safety net incase the relationship with OM doesn't work out in the long run. In her mind, I think she definitely has her bases covered. We will go through another round of mediation before going to pre-trial.
During our exchange with D, after mediation, stbxw and I were cordial, but tears were shed by both of us. I wasn't 100% sure why, but of course there is a lot of emotion stirring right now. I texted her asking, "why do you still cry. It breaks my heart". She replied several days later saying that she feels that the passed 13 years of her effort in the marriage means nothing to me, that it was "worth nothing". We went back and forth a few times sharing our feelings. She doesn't get the fact that I feel the 13 years were important in the regards of family, togetherness and commitment. She feels that her efforts deserve a paycheck. It just irritates me to no end. She also made several points of saying that she never wished for this divorce, and that she "tried" for a very long time, but we were just not happy together. I have to accept her perspective on that, but it baffles my brain. We had LOTS of happy times, and the truth is, we never tried at all to make our relationship better. It just progressively got worse because we neglected it. We each complained about the other person and expected that to change the dynamic. That is not trying. I accept my fault in it 110%. It's very unfortunate how it fell apart, and it is horrible that we were not able to truly try to fix the relationship. She said she was praying for my happiness, and that my hurt would someday stop. I replied to her in saying that I would like her to pray for daughters happiness and hurt. She would be dealing with it for the rest of her life. Our conversation ended shortly after that.
The first conversation, regarding daughters picture on some mans Facebook, I wish I would have never brought up. That was a mistake on my part. It clearly made it appear I was creeping, and it wound up in conflict. I should have left it lay.
In the conversation regarding the marriage and moving on, I probably could have validated her feelings a little more. I did to some degree, but probably could have done better. It was a conversation that probably should have not been brought up as well. Nothing positive (that I am aware of) came from it. In the closing, I should have thanked her for her prayers. Pushing it back on her was petty of me, and I am sure it didn't help her guilt. I know that is not in either of our best interests, to make her feel guilty. It just makes me so mad, and always has, that she had such a lack of commitment to the marriage, at least in the end. I just can't break myself free of that feeling.
I know Cas, I am totally cognitive of it too. I just can't seem to let it go, no matter how hard I try. I know my feelings are valid, but I can't trick my brain into minimizing them. Being knee deep in a divorce battle doesn't seem to be helping. STBXW just replied to my attorney. Looks like we're going to trial :-/
