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M - I found my golf clubs when I cleaned out my basement too. H and I also played all the time before kids. We always had a blast together. It served as a reminder of all things that we let slip between us when we had kids. I decided to take lessons too. I found that the have lessons at the golf course in our neighborhood and I am going to take them this summer. I just need to wait until S5's baseball is over for the season. I am actually very excited...getting to be outside in the sun and swing and hit a ball as far as I can...seems like it could be therapeutic.

I am glad to hear that you are going to meet with a child psych to see if you can work on the parenting plan.

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Something in the air/water? I decided to take up golf this summer, too. My dad agreed to be my partner smile

I am so excited to work on a new sport. Golf offers so much-exercise, sunlight, socializing. It's a lifelong sport that you can share with others. My H and I used to golf together before our son was born and then that faded away. Maybe we'll golf together again some day.


Me:33 H:35
M: 12 years
D-15 S-6
Bomb: 6-2013
OW: 11/2013
Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair
Kids and I moved back in 12/2013
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This is quick because I have a conference call shortly and then need to leave the office to do estate stuff. Argghh.

I totally get the need to organize and purge! I'm doing it myself too. But my golf clubs have always been in my garage in plain sight, and it bugs me that I don't use them like I should too! I took up golf the year Mr. W. moved out. Got myself lessons at Family Sports and when I was stressed, used to head over to whack a bucket of balls. I haven't done that in the longest time, so THANK YOU for reminding me I should make the effort to get back out there. I love it for all the reasons everyone else mentioned, and I don't worry that I stink. The whole point of the exercise is to have fun and get better.

And BTW, if my golf clubs can fit in the back seat of my RX-8 (and they do), they'll fit in your convertible! smile

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I am not excited for this process (or the PRE process) because it will require me to divulge the reasons for not wanting H to have 50/50 custody, which I imagine will result in more spew from him . . . and honestly, regardless of what he has put me through, I don't want to hurt him. But - it's what I feel I need to do for my kids, so I just need to be brave.


Yep, this is the time when honesty and transparency must prevail. Mind you, the PRE might not agree with your feelings, but time to step up to the plate and take your swings. Good luck!

My own purging and re-purposing stuff has me moving stuff to the basement. I really despise doing that, but my D20 is going to be leaving the nest soon and I can offer her a little bit of home when she graduates. So I'm holding on to stuff she might want/need. Blech.

Good luck!

Betsey


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein
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Yes! I love to be outside and even though it rarely happens, the satisfaction when hearing that "PING" that comes from hitting the ball on the sweet spot is addictive.

Wish I was in the same place as my DB girls and we could whack some balls together! (That could have more than one meaning, LOL.) Betsey, you and I can do this - let's go to the range!

I did find some bag tags from various courses H and I have played (including Pebble Beach - boy was that ugly!), and it made me a little sad, but more than that, I thought how fun it would be to go play myself or with my friends. If I had seen those tags a few months ago, I would have been on the floor wailing lamenting how H and I will never play golf again, etc. Another sign of how far I have come! smile

Still, it is so frustrating dealing with my H. His "negotiating" style is so maddening. His latest email (re: temporary financial arrangements) is the equivalent of this:

"I am right and you are wrong, but OK, since I am such a great guy, I will offer you [something unreasonable]. If you take this deal, you are a good, fair, person who wants to be reasonable and compromise. If you don't, you are a selfish bitch."

And, instead of continuing to negotiate, he says (paraphrasing here),

"I am going to do X. I can't stop you from doing Y, but if you do, you're a real [censored]."

It's so ridiculously manipulative. And I find it somewhat disturbing that he thinks that he can create reality simply by his say so. i.e., if I don't do something he wants, it is presumed that I am selfish/unreasonable/uncooperative, etc. It goes back to the very first email after I filed. "I assume this means you want war. And if you say 'talk to my lawyer' I will assume that's true."

Sigh.


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M,

I'm one unholy limping mess with nary two cells rubbing together...or not. In a 2-day training session that is tough on the mind.

Just wanted to send a quick note to remind you, if you have, to print out all emails from H and other correspondence to show to PRE why you are hesitant to have a 50/50 arrangement with H. I would imagine that the PRE would like to see some 'hard' evidence/data on why you have some concerns. Not sure if I am hitting in the right ball park or this is a massive miss.

Heading out to say "Hello!" to my pillow....

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Thanks, Wonka. I have everything saved, but need to go through and print out.

Went to the first meeting with PRE today and felt like the world's biggest b!tch by the end, since I basically spent 90 minutes ragging on my H. Ugh.

In case anyone is wondering, D costs about a zillion dollars, and takes up an absurd amount of time. Probably made worse by my H making everything as difficult as possible, but still. It blows.

Drinks with friends tonight helped, though! smile


me: 44 XH: 42
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It's so ridiculously manipulative. And I find it somewhat disturbing that he thinks that he can create reality simply by his say so. i.e., if I don't do something he wants, it is presumed that I am selfish/unreasonable/uncooperative, etc. It goes back to the very first email after I filed. "I assume this means you want war. And if you say 'talk to my lawyer' I will assume that's true."

Melissa how are you?
I am going to respond you in a different tone than before, look sometimes in life we have to deal with "sick" people, your H seems to be in one of those categories.

What I dont really like in this situation is that he is looking to abusse you emotionally so he can move on with his life, thats why you think that you are a b@tch and things like that.

Well girl I guess you already know that you are not, he is not an idiot or an ass, he is sick and trust me, he is going to eat all this one day, all you can do its keep protecting yourself because "sick" people might be dangerous.

Take care of all this as business and dont give him rants or moments of upsetting, a sick person sees that as control, they are full of anger and in a different emotional level, they are on top of hell and you are in top of heaven, he cant meet you there and thats what makes him so angry, so just detach from that, show all the proofs you have and dont respond to any of his sick comments, you are worth more than that.

Remember the sentence of anger its like if a person set themselves on fire....
Thats what he is doing, evenctually that anger will make him pay an expensive price, his life will start to get out of control and he is gonna realize he has to look towards other direction, however by then it will not be your problem.

Be hapoy today, wnjoy your convertible with your kids and have fun, if he wants to put the head inside the toilet to show you how much he can hurt you, he is not realizing that he is hurting himself, but dont worry one day he will.

You are a great woman and just focus in your flaws, nothing else.


When the student its ready, the teacher will appear...
Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me."
Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
ye21 #2446502 04/17/14 07:47 PM
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Hey Melissa!

I gotta agree with YE here:

Quote:
Take care of all this as business


Sharpie time! And whoever mentioned using those e-mails as collateral for the PRE in gauging custody issues is on to something. You might be able to use them as a means to justify your position on the matter.

Your H is truly a piece of work. If it means anything, I'd have had a very tough time dealing with this, and I would find it extremely difficult to figure out which end is up. So kudos to you for not rising to the bait.

This, too, shall pass. Hang in there!

Betsey


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

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Melissag-

Sorry that you are here going thru this. I glad that you made progress from a few months ago, and realize it. That is huge!

Your H sounds like a maroon. I can't believe he is dumb enough to type all that in an email. Continue to stay strong! Wish the best for you!

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Bets,

Along with a Sharpie, we also need to have a getaway car ready on a standby basis for M to escape when the PRE stuff gets a bit too much or her H fires off more wacky emails/texts in her direction. You do the driving and I'll have the golf clubs handy just in case for some serious clobbering! grin Deal?

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