Thank you for stopping by, AS! I've kept up with your sitch, and I'd say you're well on your way! Thank you for your contributions and role modeling.
Thank you for the kind words
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I feel no warm feelings for H today...or yesterday...or the day before. A bit on the resentful side.
I am sure this is because he's disappeared. So, I only "care" when I feel he's putting in some effort or work? Sounds like I have a lot more work to do.
It's hard to maintain "in love" feelings for someone that isn't loving us back. I think most of us eventually get to the point in our sitches where we eventually develop the same ILYBINILWY attitude about our spouse that they have for us. I know that's hard for a lot of LBS's to believe!
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I'm disappointed in myself today. I thought I had made some progress, but clearly have not!
No reason to be disappointed! Your road to recovery is not a linear one. Some days you'll feel awesome, other days horrible. As time marches on the great days will increase in number and the crappy days will decrease. Be patient with yourself
H just left. We took D12 out for sushi. She was cute and more talkative than usual. She gave him a huge hug and kiss when he got here-just as she did last time. She truly enjoys seeing him.
The evening was awkward. It's the first time we hung out since our texting blow-up. Maybe we were both testing the waters...?? As always, very cordial. He gave me a few hugs and told me he loved me before he left.
Positive: he's going back down to the lake over Easter weekend (it's a yearly tradition) BUT he didn't talk about it. Perhaps he finally "gets" it on some level. I know he's going, he knows I know he's going, but no mention of it. I'm proud of him for that one! LOL (and, even though I know he's going, it truly does make it better to just not hear him say it...)
He's coming over Saturday to help with yard work...
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
H just left. We spent about 4 hours running errands and doing yard work. It was nice- not nearly as awkward as Thursday. I think we're both getting past it. Two positive: he had several opportunities to talk about the lake today, and did not!!! Lol! I'm prepared more for it now, but I just find it encouraging that he has figured out (hopefully) that it's a trigger for me. Also, he's trying to hang out with some different people. That would be good for him, for sure, and would definitely not be bad for "us". He also mentioned he may not go out of town next weekend...interesting.
He also caught himself referring to the house as "ours", but cut himself off in mid-sentence. Lol
As a bonus: he did a "pop in" visit yesterday evening and I was out GAL!!! He asked me several questions about it today. This is the 2nd time he's tried to just drop by and I haven't been home (this is a huge 180 for me- I had become a homebody the last few years, and that was one of the things he complained about at BD). So, he is definitely noticing that.
Absolutely GORGEOUS day here in Ohio- 73 and sunny. Great for a PMA!!!!
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
Checked off an item on my bucket lit last night. Let me say this: Bruce Springsteen in concert is AMAZING! That man is 64 years old and he rocks out on that stage like a man 30 years his junior...
H texted me at one point during the evening. When I told him where I was, he said he would have loved to have gone- I would have loved to have had them there. It honestly never occurred to me to invite him. Maybe I will at some point...
A couple lines from one of his classics that resonated with me for the night:..."you can't start a fire sitting 'round cryin over a broken heart...you can't start a fire worrying about your little world fallin' apart..." YESSSSSSS, BRUCE!!!
Time to start some fires in my life!
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
No word from H in over a week- I think that's a record for us. It follows a pattern I've been noticing that he disappears after a positive interaction. This is just an unusually long period of NC for us.
Haven't updated in awhile because I don't really have anything to update, so I will recap what was discussed at IC:
C said, overall he is very optimistic in H's actions. Mainly because they are "different" than his usual way of operating. He said it may be a good or bad sign for the R, no way to tell yet, but at least there is some kind of action happening. (Referring to H's attempts to do "drop in" visits, his reconnecting with his D18, hanging out with new people). Time will tell.
He also said that he would bet anything H is feeling pressure right now knowing in 2 weeks my entire schedule changes. For the first time since BD 1 way back in August, I will have loads of free time (I'm a full time student, and my year ends May 2- woot! Woot! ) this will be the first time I actually have time to truly process what's happening and work through things with no distractions. He said that no doubt H has been using my busy schedule as a buffer for him to take his time. So, he suggested I prepare myself for multiple scenarios so I don't get thrown off track by erratic behavior from H. He truly feels "something" will happen this summer, either way. I think preparing myself via detachment is a good idea. I will definitely focus on that. I will also be doing GAL like it's my job! LOL I deserve it, with everything that's happened this past year!
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
Congrats on wrapping up May 2nd. It's always difficult to prepare for you just don't know what:)
Hang in there and keep us posted!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Thanks! It's been one he!! of a year! As hard as my program is, and as thankful as I am for the break, it really has helped keep my mind off H. So, I'm a little nervous for the summer. I'm sure I'll be here to post a lot!!! LOL
Hope you and the kiddos are well!
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
Ran my first 5K today!!! (For Autism Awareness) WOOT! WOOT! 34:59.203 LOL!!!!! Sadly, that's fast for me...I'm gonna work on getting faster for the next one. I'm so proud of myself, though!! when I first started a year ago, I couldn't even make it 1/2 mile without having an asthma attack. I've come a long way!!!
I broke NC. I sent H a text with a pic of my bib and thanking him for the running gear and his support (he bought all of my stuff and has been super supportive of me running). He did not respond. I didn't send it to try and force a text in return, I sent it because this was a BIG deal for me and he would be interested to know I reached my goal. It doesn't really bother me, per se, but this is just so strange for him! This is definitely the longest we've ever gone without contact.
Nonetheless- I'm spending the evening studying for finals and relaxing. I deserve a quiet night at home!
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
