Well since last week I am again puzzled over h actions.
He has initiated r talk a little telling me basically not to question him to death, he hates that and I don't need to say things over and over. When I do this he takes it like I think he's stupid and my tone is making him feel like I'm talking to h like a child. Also he spent thurs night watching tv with me, initiated ml, snuggled, spent fry night with me , I had a beer with him and he got drunk, no fighting and seemed like old times. Sat night ow I think he's in ea with was hanging around when I came home from work. She lives across the street and has started d against her husband.
I actually talked to her about why I think what I do between my h and her, she said she was sorry and didn't mean any harm but that she didn't have anyone to talk to.
Ask me why I don't have coffee with her, told me she is not interested in my h that way. Said she hopes we are able to sort things out (me and h).
H was drunk and standing there listening to our conversation and starts tellingly me that she is his friend and I need to except this.
That I am more than welcome to hang out with them and that he is not doing anything wrong. Than he says "I'm going to give my friend a hug" and hugs her. I think he did it to get a rise out of me .
We also went out sat night just the two of us, a few neighbors were maybe going but they opted out including ow (I think she's a ow?).
Got along fine, showed affection . Sunday we were supposed to go on family outing with d11, but one of his family members called and wanted him to work on her car. This is one of the things we always fought about. He puts everyone else first and it seems me and d11 get the cumbs
So on Sunday he is working on nieces car, everything's fine and im gal ing by cleaning house and doing bills while not saying anything to him about choosing to work on car instead of our planned family outing,
when I came to our cell phone bill i noticed he had gone way over on his minutes, so this prompted me to look at who he is calling so much . Well in my defense I have resisted all snooping since last week, and I really dont want to know who he spends his time talking to because it will cause me to be upset, and tempt me to bring it up to him.
So I see he calls ow lots and his niece, they do not have the same carrier so it really adds up, not to mention not exactly knowing if ow is real or because of the way he has been treating me I am obsessing.
I decide to tell h to watch his peak min , or maybe I can increase our monthly allowance so we dont get huge bill. He of course takes offense to this, days he doesn't like me snooping his calls and suggest he get his own phone line.
I have always paid our cell bill, we have been able to share very little minutes for like 8 years with not going over, so I don't see a problem with me speaking up about this to him. But when he wants to get his own line as a solution it just tells me that he is not invested in our m, and is most concerned that he gets to talk to ow and whomever else as often as he likes. Also for 8 years I've paid this bill with no help from h, if he all of a sudden can afford his own line (just to be secretive), than why did he not offer to help me pay it all along? He make like 18 times as money as I do!
I don't get it. It doesn't seem like he's doing anything TO you. He's just talking to his mom. It's actually none of your business what he talks to her about since it doesn't concern you.
You're still trying to control things. You want to force him to talk to you more. Let it go.
Yes I know , if I was detaching I wouldn't be concerned about comparing his tone to others against with me. Thanks for re-directing me back
So today I woke up feeling angry and not so willing to except the ow and h mean angry tone and tongue lashings. I think I am going to pull back and try to follow my heart on what to do , how to interact for awhile.
I find I'm getting resentful going along with whatever he does or says and I'm loosing myself bit by bit. I'm afraid of saying things that will cause damage if I don't become scarce right now .
I have not talked about r I have not been following h around or spending spare time with him much I have been attempting following 180's I have not ask him very many questions at all about anything
H has told me he loves me H has at times initiated ml (mostly on weekends) H said to mutual friends that he's not willing to destroy another marriage over the stress from his job? (Really, cause he told me 2 weeks ago he was done!!!!! H is agreeable to plans for the summer and seems to be willing to remain committed to m.
Almost like hes trying to act as if he didn't tell me he wanted to divorce me, like he never said being in the same room with me makes him feel rage!
So he's flip flopping, or maybe he feels he went to far or maybe its alcoholism or the alien comes and goes.... I cant know what he's thinking or doing. But it concerns me and I don't trust him, but will keep gal and following rules to see if it can further improve my life regardless .
I have really taken a hard look at my feelings the past week, and really thought about h and our r and find myself starting to get angry and don't know what to do with it. I might not talk to h about our r but I sure have been paying close attention to how he treats me, or talks to me, and I'm starting to feel like I am not important or respected and actually I think he is intentionally disrespecting me at times. I don't know what he is thinking anymore, or what he wants because he has flip flopped from bd-ing to taking me out for a drink to ignoring me to initiating intimacy . When we were in the bar last week, I watched him hug nearly every woman that he knows ( from neighborhood) to drunken barflys.
The barfly tried to kiss him and settled on licking his face instead when he tried to pull away.
He knows I don't like all this touchy drunken business he does , but even if most of them are my friends to, he makes me feel uncomfortable .
He always says he's an affectionate person or that they are his friends when I've brought it up that it bothers me.
Really? Cause he hardly will give me a hug, or any affection!
I started db-ing after he bd me in march, but since than he seems to be coming around slightly, or something that would go against what he said to me.
So I decided to let him initiate while I gal and follow sandy's rules,
If he wants my company than its ok If he wants to ml than its ok Still trying to not pursue him or any r talk
Kind of hard to know if im to take what he has already said as what he wants since he isn't acting like he wants a d.
But I'm starting to feel like enough is enough , and would like to be able to stand up for myself at times.
Another week has gone by without any memorable interactions between h and I . Except when I got home from work last sat he was gone, and when I called him he said he was across the street at ow house for a party, and I should come over. Irritated that he left before I got home even though he called me questioning when I was leaving so we could go to her party together. This is the person that I feel/felt he was at least having some kind of ea with. I have talked to her a few times about it, as well as to h, but both say they are just freinds, with her actually saying she could never think of my h as more than a freind, and that is insulted that I would ask her that.
Anyway I choose to stay home and go to bed early instead of babysitting h at ow party. We took d11 to the movies and dinner Sunday.
I guess things are better than in the last month or so, I don't understand exactley what happened and where we are now. He is behaving as if things are ok with our r, and acts as if he never bomb'd me in march. I have stopped all snooping, r talk, long talks filled with questions. I do not hover, stalk, babysit, watch h. I do not send emails or text all that much I am acting as if everything is fine and dandy
H is still sort of rude to me, and short tempered. H is still being flirtatious with other w (even though he knows it bothers me) H said on that matter that (he is going to be himself, and there he is doing nothing wrong.
Oh well, going to still gal, and further work on my 180's
