The stuff I want to talk/share about are the behaviours of my past and how they have affected who I am today and my reasonings.... He has expressed interest in my weekend. If/when he seems deeply interested, I will share bits then. I really think he would be interested, when he is open...someday.
We worked together again today. He went out of his way again to make a coffee pic~nic. (him making coffee from home, thermos & my old coffee mugs, fresh cookies. I appreciated it. Kept my stuff/talk to myself. Chatted about work, then worked some more & time for home. He texted later in the evening to tell me that the TV repairman fixed his tv and cheers. I was out having dinner with my parents/daughter, then shopping with my daughter. I texted a smile back.
He requested that we put in a full day at work tomorrow. Make hay while the sun shines attitude.
I'm good!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
super excited !!! xbf made plans earlier this week to go to a movie with my DD for tonight. I was really happy that he made plans in advance with her. Today, he brought cookies and coffee, casual convo & then we were back to work. He had mentioned that my daughter had texted saying movie choices were slim for tonight and he suggested dinner. He was mentioning that he wanted to go see Hustle, I said ya I did too, but not really a movie to go with DD. He agreed. Then a little while later, he casually said "if you don't have any plans tonight, maybe you'd like to join DD and I for dinner". I didn't say anything right away. I was casual. Said "ya, maybe...let me think about it and ask DD to make sure she was ok with it too". Then he left for a little while. When he came back we discussed a few options for restaurants.
Oh, another thing... He had packed a little go away gift for me (margarita beer, gum and power bar) in the suitcase I was supposed to take on my last weekend away. I found it today.
So... I am excited!!! But, without expectations because I know he is a nice guy and is possibly just wanting company/family time without attachments. Its really hard to understand that he could want just this without the relationship. I am trying to keep my head on track here and just enjoy the company. I will not take over the convo or get all decked out for tonight with heels (like I want)... I will be casual.
My glute exercises must be working.. he was sure to comment that todays client was checking out my butt!! (I don't have one), so I said "what butt?" he said that my butt looks good in my new jeans... and that he noticed our client checking me out. I was thrilled and excitedly enthusiastically said "THANKS!!"
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
It was a nice evening. I may have appeared to be a little too happy. We shared some of my wine from my large glass and then ordered another to share. Good convo's. Nothing deep/intense. He took food off my plate & ate it. I would say he is comfortable around me again. DD drove us back. He was in front seat. I was in back, behind him. He reached out to hug her and then put his hand around the seat to touch my leg, saying good bye. I then switched to the front seat, somehow we ended up holding hands for a moment. ..... Now, its over and I'm a little sad today. So thrilled that it happened. I might be working with him a little bit today, as we had client appointments. So, at 12:30 I texted to say let me know about clients. He hadn't heard from them yet.
... waiting to hear from him about clients. Going about my day, church, cleaning, exercising, sitting on couch yapping with DD.
I know this sounds good.... however, he is a nice guy and may just be having a nice time with us... no commitments. I have to keep that in mind.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Glad to hear you had some positives. I know what you mean about nice guy. My h was nice guy to me before monster of mlc. It hurts to see him be a nice guy to ow and her whole family. Grrrrr
The stuff I want to talk/share about are the behaviours of my past and how they have affected who I am today and my reasonings.
You say that you want to talk/share about YOUR past and YOUR behaviors...then you go on to talk ALL about YOUR XBF.
Personally, I see the same pattern as before.
You saying this is about YOU
BUT
YOUR ACTING ON WHAT YOUR XBF SAYS/DOES.
Can you see what I see?
From where I sit, I feel like you continue to use DB as a tactic to get YOUR BF back.
At some point....the tactics....will not change the root cause of the problem.
IMO, he tossed out some "crumbs" and you snatched up and chowed down. How are these actions in line with YOUR goals?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Thanks for chiming in and holding me accountable. At this point it is very easy to slip back.
I was posting about my weekend. I was excited to have some family time and to be included in his Saturday night plans & was journalling and for anyone to read. It is hard not to have expectations. I am back on track, trying not to see it for anything than what it was. Dinner. Unless he makes it more than dinner, dinner is what it was.
Today, I contacted the mediation office to enquire about the minutes of the base to our new agreement. I should be receiving them by tomorrow. I need to stay focused on THAT. Getting that completed and signed. Collecting my outstanding salary, etc. Having funds in my account so that I can review my future.
I am not going to accept "all" crumbs.... I will be selective. Approx 1/2 hr ago, he asked if I was going to go into work. I don't think I will. Today, I need to get my work stuff done from home. I have plenty to do here. I would only be going to "see" him.... and that hurts me. I would be accepting his "coffee" crumb today....so, won't go unless a client appt is scheduled.
I am truly trying to get back to Focusing on Me... and what I want and what I like to do. Its just challenging when we work/see each other so much. Im sure it seems like I post alot about him... Hard to figure out who I AM...
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I was excited to have some family time and to be included in his Saturday
I’m glad you saw what I was trying to communicate. Look up ^^^ see anything in this sentence?
Originally Posted By: MM
Today, I contacted the mediation office to enquire about the minutes of the base to our new agreement. I should be receiving them by tomorrow. I need to stay focused on THAT. Getting that completed and signed. Collecting my outstanding salary, etc. Having funds in my account so that I can review my future.
GREAT!
Originally Posted By: MM
I am not going to accept "all" crumbs.... I will be selective.
I took the liberty of rewriting this sentence for you….
I WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY CRUMBS FROM ANYONE – I KNOW WHO I AM AND I KNOW WHAT I WANT. I KNOW WHAT I AM WORTH AND I WILL NOT SETTLE FOR LESS.
Originally Posted By: MM
I am truly trying to get back to Focusing on Me...
So I read an interesting article in a psych magazine the other day….
Apparently it takes between 2 – 8 months to changes ones behavior.
MM, I believe to change how you want to live your life so that YOU focus on YOUR goals, means that EVERY DAY that you have to focus on that goal. I would wake up every morning and figure out what YOU want to do that day for YOURSELF. I understand that you and XBF work together so you will have some interactions. When you are not working together you should have a plan for what you are going to do that day. The plan IMO, should NOT include him.
Originally Posted By: mm
Hard to figure out who I AM...
Honestly, I do not believe that one day you wake up and figure it all out. Nope. It is a process, a journey if you will. Maybe one thing you can do is this….
Write down the qualities of who you want to be and then describe how you view those qualities.
For example:
I want to be a better friend to my lady friends.
That means that I am more open and honest with them, I make an effort to spend X time with them. I listen and do not judge them. I am there when they need me.
Make sense?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Yes... I purposely typed "included, his Saturday"... I was included into his date night with my daughter. I knew that it was HIS term (not a date)... but, I accepted knowingly. To see what I was like, to see what I can handle. Glad my DD was there for damage control. I was a little too happy she said. 7/10. So, need to take it back a few notches. Let him create the convo's, let him approach & come to me more.
He called a little while ago, asking if he should pick up coffee and if I was going to work. I declined, as I am into a project and deep into it. He can't expect me to drop my priorities. Mixed messages (get work done/ social with him). I did not give any attitude when declining, just matter of fact.
Eric, THANK YOU for new mind set...' I WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY CRUMBS FROM ANYONE – I KNOW WHO I AM AND I KNOW WHAT I WANT. I KNOW WHAT I AM WORTH AND I WILL NOT SETTLE FOR LESS.'.... Im not sure that all his coffees are crumbs all the time. I do know that he is trying... his way. (keeping his options open).
I agree that it will take TIME for me to establish my new system. I need to remind myself OFTEN to refocus and put the fcous back onto me... really tough to do, but am determined.
Thanks for your advice & tips.... Please continue to check in on me and keep holding me accountable. THX!!!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
its not that it "seems" that way. It IS that way. i'd say 95% of your posts are about him.
from our perspective, there really is no MM - theres only this MM who acts and reacts based on his movements, without him, she wouldnt have anything to post. Theres nothing here about MM as an individual - maybe a random dinner with her daughter, but thats about it.
so on the thinnest surface, your actions (not accepting crumbs) attempt to say one thing. But in reality, you're still all about him. its still always about him.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
