Sorry to hear about your mom, I hope all goes well. You all are in my prayers and positive thoughts.
Keep hanging in there Mel!
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Ah, so my thread is still here! Honestly, I was kind of hoping they would delete all my old threads, since they are nothing I ever want to revisit.
So many new names and stories here - makes me feel sad, but I do have hope for all the newbies . . . I have been in that horrible, dark place and I have done way more than survived.
Brief summary . . . D is final! We had to go to trial (XH walked out of the mediation - just up and left with no explanation or goodbye). Please, if anyone is reading this and going through the D process – avoid trial if you can. It was horrible. My XH lied on the stand. He and his L spun everything they possibly could in ways they knew were complete nonsense, in order to “win” certain issues. At the end of the day, I cried all the way home and for another three hours after . . . not because I was divorced but because my XH was so disgusting and I was just so disappointed in him, and mad at myself for telling myself he was someone else for so long. In the end, the judge ignored almost all of his BS, but the damage was done regardless.
Even though the D is final, XH continues to try his best to make my life miserable in any way he can and blame me for everything other than the Ebola virus. Several people have asked me if I was the one who left - bc they can't figure out why he is so angry if he is the one who wanted this. Beats the heck out of me!! Interesting, the irony - I am happier than ever and have moved on (not dating or anything, but moving forward with life and trying to put this all behind me), and he is stuck in anger and resentment. Throwing in rude comments and accusations in almost every communication, trying to manipulate and control me, throwing up roadblocks to everything he knows I want/need. He has gotten to the point that he will screw himself over just to screw me over. I am finally able (sometimes with a little help) to communicate with my XH with zero emotion. I just take out my Sharpie and cross out everything other than fact, respond to what’s left, and call it done. It hasn’t changed anything in the way he acts, but it has given me more peace to just leave that bait dangling.
I have actually gotten to a place (I can hardly believe I can say this) where I am grateful for BD. Through this whole process, I have not only gotten myself back, but I have gotten an even better version of myself. A happier version. And a more compassionate version.
I think about how many times you guys here told me the same stuff over and over, (thank you!!!!!) and I did NOT get it. NOW I GET IT!
I get lots of things, and I have some things I still need to work on. But most importantly -
How ugly and awful it is to be a victim. (NEVER doing that again.) On a related note, owning my own stuff is empowering. The fact that happiness is a choice you make every hour of every day. The fact that the real key to happiness is practicing gratitude. Actually being present in each thing I do keeps me feeling peaceful. I am happiest when I work out. Hard. I am sooooo glad that my XH did NOT come back. Tiramisu (which my XH HATED) is actually pretty darn tasty!
Still working on dropping those expectations of my XH. I feel like I have no expectations, and I tell myself I have none, but I still find myself surprised at each new low he hits . . . I just can’t understand how a person can think or act the way he does (i.e., like a complete jacka$$), especially when it often has a negative impact on our children.
In other great news, I have decided that, while I am not ready to date yet, I will not, in fact, turn out to be a crazy cat lady. I do want to have a man in my life some day.
I have to sell my house, which makes me sad for the kids. ☹ But we will find a new place and make that our home. I am also starting to talk to people about going back to work (part-time only, I want to be there for my kids!), and I changed my name back to my maiden name. For whatever reason, that really made me feel good.
Well, that was not a brief summary at all, was it? I guess if I was going to be brief, I would say, I am divorced, and I am happy. ☺
Also, thank you for the well wishes for my Mom. Her surgery took nine hours – she had quite extensive cancer all over her abdomen, but they managed to get out everything that was visible. She had a few weeks to recover, then started chemo. She has done 12 of 18 weeks and has done amazingly well. I am hoping that she will recover from the effects of chemo quickly (once it’s over), and have a good amount of time in remission to enjoy life.
Hope everyone is doing great, I need to go dig up some threads and see what’s new!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
You sound awesome and I'm thrilled for you! Your xh? Sadly, I'm not surprised.
Sounds like so many exciting things are happening in your life. Love every minute of them:-)
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 08/30/1411:39 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
MMMMM!!!!! I missed hearing from you. I am glad to hear you are well. I feel like we were in the same "class" (time frame) or something. We are almost done our D. Hope to be done by end of year at the latest. W continues to do and say things that don't make sense and never should have. I am seeing someone and its been a very good experience for me and now for my kids. Especially s13. He needed someone like GF in his life. My kids see a version of me they never really met. They like him and so do I.
W and i did actually apologize to each other. I found out from a mutual friend that she complained for months that she couldnt believe i actually moved on. My new R is nothing like the old one. I now see what i should have been doing a long time ago. I see how many things were wrong in my M. I FEEL HEALTHIER. I feel happier just as me regardless of GF and thats what makes new R work well.
I feel lucky to have met you and the others here. I hope we can continue to share our stories. I beleive there is still much more to come.
((M)))
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Georgia, I love that you dropped the rope Cirque style! I need to go check out your thread and see what's new with you.
Paul, I know what you mean - we did file around the same time! Sorry yours is taking so long - what's the hold up? I am glad that your W did apologize to you - I am pretty sure you had already apologized to her, but it can't hurt to do so again. She has always sounded like kind of a lost soul to me. I hope she can find her peace for the kids' sakes. Are they getting along with her better now? That's great that you have a new GF and that you are able to use what you have learned in a new relationship. I hope this turns out to be something great for you.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
For quite some time, I was a distant reader of these boards. BD for me happened shortly after you, but I did not "officially" join in here until recently. I did keep up with reading your post, and it is good to see how well you are doing. I am recently divorced, too (almost 2 weeks). Really, our time-line is quite similar, even though our "stories" are a little different(I'm over in MLC land).
Anyway, it is funny how someone can follow your sitch along, and you don't even know it. Well, that was me, following you, and you kept me moving in the right direction. Thanks for that. Again, glad to hear you are moving on in such a positive way. Good for you!
Thanks for the post, Mighty! I was very lucky when I posted regularly here that many members posted great advice on my threads. I just knew it had to be helping someone else, too! I will have to come by MLC and see how you are doing.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
First of all, I am glad you are divorced. I am sorry that your H continues to be the d!ckwad that he is to borrow from one of Bet's gems.
Sometimes it is better to be divorced that stay married to someone who drags you down mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Such dark and negative energy.
I promise you that if you do a vision board of your next H with his physical attributes, qualities, and characteristics, he'll appear in your life when you the least expect it.
