4th Down And Getting A Little Anxious

[Georgiabelle]

Link to my last [url=threadhttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2438188#Post2438188][url=threadhttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2438188#Post2438188][url=threadhttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2438188#Post2438188]threadhttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2438188#Post2438188[/url][/url][/url]

Thanks for the feedback. Feel a bit conflicted and need to figure out my next step. Still feeling good

[Georgiabelle]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2438188#Post2438188

Let's try this again!

[ericmsant2]

Georgiabelle

As other have mentioned, you need to protect yourself first and foremost!

H is continuing to behave very impulsively and I am concerned he may be fired in the near future. He worked sporadically during our m (was fired from every single job ) and I want to protect me and the kids financially.

I would do some research to find out how this MIGHT impact you. In my state, a person’s “earning potential” is used to determine any sort of support payments. This was done to prevents someone from intentionally losing a job or taking a job making significantly less. I believe that once you have the facts you will feel better.

He said he may want an attorney versus working things out ourselves.

Since he has mentioned lawyers, if I were you, I would go get a free consultation. Knowing YOUR options is NOT a bad thing.

I have no problem going that route , however, since h suffers from clinical depression, anxiety, and anger issues, I'm afraid a custody battle will look like a Maury episode.

Ultimately, you have no control over, which way HE decides to go. If he is depressed and has anger issues – I would not be afraid at all. Are you afraid of HIM? Do you feel that he may harm you or the kids?

There are many, many stories that would come out about him and his own parents will testify against him as they are concerned about the safety of the kids.

Why are HIS parents concerned about the safety of the kids? Are you? IMO, if there is ANY reason to be concerned about the kids welfare, that is something that I would not take lightly. Securing resources on your end (Lawyers, Family Services) to protect THE kids should be your first step.


Georgiabelle – divorce busting site or NOT…the safety of YOU and the KIDS should be your highest priority. I would contact and attny asap. Arm yourself with the facts and then react from a place of knowledge.

Peace,
Eric

[Georgiabelle]

Job & Eric always make me think and I appreciate. I spoke to one of the top family attorneys in the state today (I'm a go big or go home girl). I had spoken with about others and quite frankly, I was a bit perplexed by a couple. 2 told me I was very attractive and smart and should be married again in no time. Geez, that's really not what I want. However the L I spoke to today is a good fit and I will have a face to face meeting with her next week. I feel pretty good and am much more relaxed.

Eric, you asked something that I struggled with frequently in my m. My h is a tortured soul and now he has totally said good bye to reality. My h is the most sensitive person I've ever known. I spent a great deal of my m trying to fix and rescue him. He has zero coping skills. I am finally realizing I can't fix anyone but myself.

One day, when my older 2 kids were 3 and 2, h was clearly depressed and his behavior was erratic. He slammed a door in my face and was extremely agitated. He is 6'4 and I'm 5'4. I said I was leaving with the kids. He put his hands around my neck for a few seconds and I said I was calling the police. I did not. Why? Because I was embarrassed that this smart, successful women had gotten herself in a mess. I told him I was leaving if he didn't get help. I of course (why did I do everything?) made a doctor's appointment the next daytime him and he started on ADs and anti anxiety medication. He never did that again to me. However, he also never apologized ( he did it because I was leaving with the kids) and that's always his MO. Never his fault.

Do I worry about the safety of my kids with him for an extended period of time ? I'm ashamed to admit this but I am. In mid Jan my oldest son tried to give him a hug and he shoved him away. In late Jan, we spent the weekend at his parents. He was behaving so erratic that his mother called to make sure me and the kids were okay when got home. She was worried about us getting home safely and said she wanted to smack him.

It always confused me a bit as he was very devoted to me, rescued birds, helped turtles across the street, etc. However, at the core he had issues and those have only been amplified in MLC. Family is extremely important to me- it's always what I wanted. I looked at h's family and saw these loving, smart, hard working and supportive people and assumed h must be like that. Instead, he is broken, had been for a long time and acts nothing like them. My older 2 kids see it.

I don't know..,, just journaling my thoughts. Although we were great friends and very close, I don't know if I ever respected my h. I think I got exhausted trying to fix something I innately knew I couldn't. I just kept trying . Could definitely have contributed to our intimacy issues.

All that being said, it may sound crazy however a part of me feels happy and at peace. Not sure anyone wanted to read all of that but it felt good to write it out. Could be the day of the week.

[bluesgal]

Great journal GB-I bet it feels great to get it out. Stay safe and protect those kiddo's.

[TL72*]

Great post Georgia - glad you found a good L. It does help to know you have certain things you can control (yourself and your choices). I can relate to that whole "never his fault" comment and the never apologizing thing too. I get that whole "part of me feels happy and at peace" thing too, there are times I truly do feel that since he moved out. Part of me still feels in limbo though even though we're divorced now. I think that comes from that little bit of hope that one day he'll wake up from MLC. I do think there's more strong days than down lately. I'll take any improvement I can

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks everyone. I talked to my L again this am and she made me laugh. My kids both went back to therapy yesterday and seemed to really click with the therapist. I'm excited for them. I want them to have the best tools possible to deal with life's curveballs.

I'm meeting h tonight. I am bringing no solutions. He wants to discuss revising visitation with the kids. (He's not even meeting the one he created)

I'm a little nervous because well....the site of h disgusts me. I'm not supposed to admit that am I? Should I just be pleasant, smile, nod, and say that is something to consider? Any thoughts?

[peacetoday]

Hi G

Glad you have a good attorney.. I had one too and it is very important

I was uncomfortable leaving my kids with OW and H too
They seemed like on some type of prescriptions
sometimes with slurred speech

I fought hard to keep my kids safe
I confronted them on his possible drug use?
I/ They never met OW

I look back and maybe Gods was saving them from extra pain
My xh Left everything
He chose No contact
I am OK with that

Good luck

[Georgiabelle]

Well, I met with h last night. For a person in the path to happiness (his words), he certainly doesn't look happy. We discussed visitation and D. I admit I did not excel at DBing at this meeting. I got a few truth darts in and I know it was a waste of time. H said he was seeing a therapist for all of the horrible things I've done and said to him. When discussion of an account came up, I reminded him that he said he would be dead by 50. He of course said he never said that and meant he would only be dead by 50 if he stayed with me. I then said to thank me later for helping him live to 100. He is a miserable human being.

That being said, I hope we are in agreement. It seemed that way but he could change his mind. I hope to have some type of R with h in the future (I miss the old version of him) and I was much more pleasant this am. He had no ideas or suggestions on visitation and it reminded me that I was always taking care of everything.

I saw my therapist today and she made an interesting point. There was a large study done by a renowned group of psychologists that studied happiness. Apparently everyone has a baseline of happiness between 1(low) and 10 (high). No matter what happens, you may swing around on the chart but ultimately comeback to your baseline. She asked my baseline and I said 7-8. She said she noticed that the first time she met me. She asked what I thought h's was and I said 2. She showed me where she had written that as her estimate in the beginning of meeting him as well.

She discussed how this same group of experts thought 20-30 %of happiness is genetic, with 50-60% being choice and only 10% being situational or external factors. For some reason that really resonated with me. I am grateful for so much. I want to be happy. Yes, this is not what I wanted for myself or my kids. However, I will choose to heal and be happy with my life no matter what. I think with some time and space, h and I can start to rebuild a friendship. However, that's not my focus. I told her that I own that I wasn't the greatest wife and neglected my marriage. I was a great friend to h. Now, it's time to move past that stuff and work on forgiving myself. Not there by a long shot.

Still feeling pretty good. Getting ready for the Easter Bunny.

[scooby]

Hey G-

You sound great today! Glad that you had that tough discussion, hope that he did not monster. Love the happy scale that your therapist made - it makes sense.

It sounds like you are well on your way to GAL. CONGRATULATIONS!! I am still struggling with GAL and detaching. This week H is talking nice and I am on my guard as I don't trust it. Sad that in 6 months I have lost all trust. UGH