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nyk Offline OP
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Yes I have. I entered anger management counseling last fall...saved my life. I have been working on not being as intense with my sons and they have noticed. I am now in therapy and have identified my need to detach, which my therapist agrees.
I put my college career on hold, and the projects-well I can afford them mentally or financially right now even if I wanted to. Hopefully they can be relaxation/hobbies someday like they were originally.
My focus now is on my sons and their grief, and of course my own head. I have many fears now and I will try to put them to bed peacefully...


BD OM EA 9/2013
ICAYBDNLY 10/2013
I Move out 1/2014
Separation draft sent 5/2014
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So essentially you've "changed" for around 5 months. That's not really long enough to have any lasting changes kick in. What have your interactions been when you see each other in person?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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AJM Offline
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Mr B speaks wisdom. smile

But I have to ask:
Quote:
and of course my own head. I have many fears now and I will try to put them to bed peacefully...
Isn't that the more important part right now? More important than your w (not your sons)? I'm sure it would be nice to have it all, but there needs to be priorities, and I think I'd make that my number 2 if I was in your shoes, just after the kids.

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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There are not many face to face interactions right now, but I have worked on not talking r and being pleasant. I am keeping it dark right now. When we had interactions before it usually ended with her crying and telling me i am selfish or manipulative and that i emotionally abused her.


BD OM EA 9/2013
ICAYBDNLY 10/2013
I Move out 1/2014
Separation draft sent 5/2014
S13 S13 S9
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nyk Offline OP
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I agree with you AJ. The kids did nothing to deserve this, and one of the twins has some anger issues also so we communicate about that alot. I think the revelation this past week about codependence and detaching are a good route to take with my therapist. My next book will be codependence no more. I have DB and DR alomg with several other relationship oriented reads...moving onto self help books.


BD OM EA 9/2013
ICAYBDNLY 10/2013
I Move out 1/2014
Separation draft sent 5/2014
S13 S13 S9
Joined: Mar 2014
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nyk Offline OP
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Just another week in lala land. W decided to trade the minivan in for an extended cab pickup and needed my to sign title. I agreed and was pleaseant, acting the same way I would if a buddy bought a new truck. Finished workweek and went to my buddies farm to help gather sap and learned about sugaring. Trying to stay busy, upbeat, and still missing my boys....


BD OM EA 9/2013
ICAYBDNLY 10/2013
I Move out 1/2014
Separation draft sent 5/2014
S13 S13 S9
Joined: Mar 2014
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nyk Offline OP
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After last weekend I realized where my biggest void was. I miss my children. Under the current arrangement I go from wednesday to wednesday without seeing them. That was unacceptable to me.
I think in the early going I felt so responsible for all of this that I moved away to protect all of us.
Now that I understand that I have faults and am working hard on them and that much of the problem is W's MLC.
I did not understand that she is a completely different person now. I am trying to change, but I think the pain of missing sons is too much and unwarranted. She must believe so too. I approached her about me moving back to the school district and she was all for it. Of course, she had to monster a little bit by pressuring me about separation again and implying I should use my half of the home equity to pay off bills and make it easier...I didnt bite.


BD OM EA 9/2013
ICAYBDNLY 10/2013
I Move out 1/2014
Separation draft sent 5/2014
S13 S13 S9
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nyk Offline OP
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Great news! I found a cheap, but nice 2br apartment. I move in May1 and will now have my kids 1/2 of the time. Early on MLC wife's accusations and observations about my parenting skills left me feeling like she was the only reason our kids are so great. I now realize that was also 50% me and so do the kids...I think I am starting to put my life back together and I feel so excited!!!


BD OM EA 9/2013
ICAYBDNLY 10/2013
I Move out 1/2014
Separation draft sent 5/2014
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Congrats on the apt and on putting your life back together!


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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Indeed. Congrats!

Perspective is a wonderful thing, isn't it? wink

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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