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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 768
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mdu Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 768
Hi, I am new here. Here is my story.

On March 6th I busted my H having an affair. We have been married 8 and ½ years and have 2 small children at home (4 and 6). My husband also has two older children (19 and 25) who are not at home anymore.

I had suspicions and looked at cell phone records. I found tons of txts/calls to an unfamiliar #, called it and sure enough it was a woman. I hung up and confronted him. He confessed. I was devastated and wanted to work things out. He was uncertain what he wanted to do. I begged and pleaded that we try to work things out and said I knew I had done things wrong and was willing to take an honest look and work on things. Within about a day he came around and agreed that he would recommit to me.

He called her to break things off but insisted on doing it alone, which I knew was bad but I just wanted it over. They met through work but she is in another office in another state, she lives 2 hours away. They do not work in the same department. Unless he visits that office and runs into her he really does not have to see her again. It was a 4 month affair, both sexual and emotional. He fell deeply in love with her.

The next week or so was heinous as I began trying to piece together what happened and grilling him for details of the affair. But he seemed to be doing all the right things, seemed to be forthcoming and truly remorseful. We began seeing a marriage counselor. I was horribly hurt and angry but hopeful. Then things started to turn. He had to travel for work and as soon as he was gone I started to panic and could feel him pulling away. Sure enough by the time he got home he had completely turned on me. He was very distant and began clearly PINING for her right in front of me! He was even playing love songs clearly for her RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! Of course I wondered (and still do) if he had some contact with her while he was away but I’ve never been able to verify. He maintains he has had no contact since he initially broke it off.

I quickly began losing my patience. Within less than a week of this I decided I could not take it anymore and wrote him a letter stating that I needed his commitment 100% if we were going to work on this and I clearly did not have it so he must leave. He left.

A few days later we had another marriage counselor appointment. I was not sure if H would show up but he did. Marriage counselor suggested we put more structure and rules around the separation. He said we should not speak except for logistics regarding the kids. We should each take this time to independently decide what we each want then come back together in about a week and ½ at our next counseling appointment and each state our decision. There was also to be NO contact with the affair partner during this time. We both agreed to this plan and followed the rules.

So we come back together 1 and ½ weeks later and H immediately states he again wants to recommit to working on things with me. I still want the same and am thrilled. He moves back in. The next few days are mostly blissful, he is again remorseful, we talk and make love, do fun things with the kids and while it will clearly be tough things seem optimistic. But within a few days he starts turning on me again. He begins listing all the things that have bothered him about me apparently for years and years and that I must now change or else he will leave. To be fair, he also states that he has things to change as well but the lions share of issues clearly seem to be mine.

I am deeply suspicious that he is somehow in touch with her and very unsure if I should go snooping. I have looked at phone records recently but he knows I am able to do that so it seems unlikely he'd get in touch that way. He has been basically nice to me lately but distant, acting more like a friend. I'm not sure I am emotionally strong enough to snoop and bust him again. This is so gut wrenching


M: 42
H: 43
M: 8 years
S7 and D4
H has D19 and S25 from previous M
Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA
1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail
2nd separation: 5/1/14
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
Likes: 78
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
Likes: 78
Thread on infidelity forum

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...483#Post2445483

Welcome to the board

Get out and GAL.

DETACH.


Believe none of what he says and half of what he does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your H is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power


Me-70, D37,S36

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

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