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Take a breath. Stop wondering and worrying about her--what she is doing or thinking or feeling. And worry about yourself. Detach and GAL. Don't strategize so much. Just try to become the man that only a fool would walk away from.


Me 38 H 40
D 3
T 8 M 6
BD 10/2013

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Originally Posted By: claire7
Take a breath. Stop wondering and worrying about her--what she is doing or thinking or feeling. And worry about yourself. Detach and GAL. Don't strategize so much. Just try to become the man that only a fool would walk away from.


Thanks Claire. I read your thread and see you are going through your own situation. I appreciate you taking the time to post on mine.

I have been figuring if I just be me the man she fell in love with.

It's just that my concern stems from the fact that OM is returning tonight to his country. She plans on going there the end of May but did by cancellation insurance.

It's just hard,she acts as if he's her husband and her and I are just friends.

What I don't get is she says she has not loved me for a long time, but admits that the sex between us was amazing. When I asked how could that be, she said well when I had sex with you it was exciting it's like I was cheating..WTF, she was cheating on AP with husband?.

Anyway..the way she thinks is so illogical that it makes me feel like I am walking on egg shells.

So I am assuming that just being the best me, but taking a friendly neighbor approach is my best option at this time.


W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21
33 years M 28
DD 3 Feb 11, 2014
S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14
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Ok so I know the flight was 11 pm. So she should have left the airport at 8. I know I am not supposed to give a hoot, but is am actually worried that the wife is not home.

Now the basement is quiet so she may have come home and gone right to her room so I don't see how upset she is.

It kills me that she's more upset over this predator of hers leaving after 70 days then she is that her marriage of 28 years is dying or her sons hate her...


W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21
33 years M 28
DD 3 Feb 11, 2014
S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14
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Originally Posted By: Oxford1
Now the basement is quiet so she may have come home and gone right to her room so I don't see how upset she is.


This ^^^^^^ is mindreading. I know it is hard, but you really need to focus on you and what you can do instead of focusing so much on your W.

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Oxford1 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: hope456
Originally Posted By: Oxford1
Now the basement is quiet so she may have come home and gone right to her room so I don't see how upset she is.


This ^^^^^^ is mindreading. I know it is hard, but you really need to focus on you and what you can do instead of focusing so much on your W.


I agree but now here is something else making me nutso

So at10:30 the phone started ringing, my son did not want to answer it but I would not either.

It was his mother. She said she will be home by 11:30. So he starts yelling at me , don't ask me any questions don't talk about it blah blah..

I was not going to say a thing.

All I can think of is that Her OM and her were crying in each other's arms, he is such a phony and cries and whines all the time, plane was not leaving until midnight she stayed at the airport to the last minute.

He then came down and said oh by the way she did not seem upset.

So all I could think is she already cried her freaging eyes at.

I don't know why I allowed this..

It would have been so much better if I knew nothing and she was just going to her own place.

The problem is I am having anxiety pangs as if I am waiting for my dedicated loving wife to come home, meanwhile my IC says I am afraid of her and it's really nerves of fear not love.


W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21
33 years M 28
DD 3 Feb 11, 2014
S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14
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You seem bat chit addicted to your W and after all she's done to you. All of your posts are about her. STOP IT NOW and get some self-respect back. Why do you care what she's doing? Care about yourself and getting your mind right, stay out of her sandbox.

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Originally Posted By: unbidden
You seem bat chit addicted to your W and after all she's done to you. All of your posts are about her. STOP IT NOW and get some self-respect back. Why do you care what she's doing? Care about yourself and getting your mind right, stay out of her sandbox.


Your right, I think that's what hurt our marriage my addiction to her.

Thing is she's now addicted to a needy phony childish phony POSOM!

Ok I will focus on forgetting about her.

It's just weird now that she's coming back home...


W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21
33 years M 28
DD 3 Feb 11, 2014
S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14
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You all know what's so psycho sick..

I picture myself going down to the kitchen where she's looking at her mail and spinning her around and planting a big deep passionate kiss...

But then I think that's what that disgusting womanizer did before he left and he has the grossest mouth you can imagine...


W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21
33 years M 28
DD 3 Feb 11, 2014
S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
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Focusing on forgetting about her is NOT the same as getting caring about yourself and getting your mind right.


M:34 XW:34
Together: 10y
Living: 9y
Married: 7y
Son:6 Son:4
Separated: 12/28/13
Piecing: 5/2/14
Separated 2nd: 10/16/14
W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14
papers served: 1/27/15
D final: 3/6/15
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I'm going to be REALLY blunt here Oxford & I mean it with the best intentions, unless you change your attitude & outlook towards this situation you will NOT bring your wife any closer to you.

You spent way too much time focusing on the pain your wife is experiencing because of OM going away - I know you use this place to vent as we all do at times however the amount of focus on your W & OM is so unhealthy for you, your going to drive yourself crazy! You seriously need to work on detaching & not giving the thoughts your having too much room in your head as it's not going to help your situation.

You want to be attractive, calm, happy, confident, strong... Are you giving that impression? You NEED to let go of your marriage, I know it sounds counterproductive as your here to save it but the only way to have any chance of saving it is by letting it go and bringing the focus back round to you.

I hope you understand where I'm coming from, I mean no disrespect, it's so clear from the outside. Focus on YOU!!!


Divorce Final: Oct 2014

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