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Have you tried anything like meditation or something to quiet your mind and soul?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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scooby Offline OP
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Yep I have been trying mediation, and have not gotten far. I was not one that could quiet my mind before all this hit. I knew that I was anxious, but I would say I am highly anxious person now. I have had a friend/therapist trying to help me with this, as she does relaxation exercises with rehab patients. I will admit I have made progress - but it is very little. I do have anxiety pills, but they knock me on my butt, so I only take at night sometimes if I have enough hours. My new anti-depressents are helping quite a bit.

So MrBond - are you saying with my goals forget trying to get back H on these, but make the goals around what would be best for me and the girls? Sorry I am so dense (and what the freak do I do about the abondonment - you eluded to the other day that is important to know.)

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What I'm saying s what DB suggests. Write down those behaviors and actions that might have driven your H away and continue to make yourself stronger mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It may not bring him back but it's the best thing you can do for YOU.

Become beautiful inside and out.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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job Offline
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Mr. Bond is correct in that you are still focusing way too much on your h and trying to find a way to control him, i.e., like the car deal.

If you and the children want to go to the movies, then go. Nothing says your h has to go every time you go somewhere. Learn to be more independent and not so afraid to try something new. You do realize that no matter what you say or do, he could very well become an angry man. Learn to live your life for you and your kids. He certainly is enjoying his w/his so called friend.

You can't leave messages for people on this particular site. I've been here for a long time and it's not been activated.

Keep the focus on you, your goals and your children. Leave him to his own undoing.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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tld - before my bomb drop (10 mos. ago), I was constantly consumed with anxiety (not debilitating, but far too much for a 'normal' existence). Of course, it has escalated because I felt 'something' was up between H and I. Still had no warning of the explosion that was coming. But, I have taken some meditation classes at my local college. The instructor gets us started, and kind of leads us through. Then, once you get the hang of it, you can do it on your own. It's starting to really make a difference now. You just have to keep doing it and you will get the benefits. It's really about concentrating on the here and now -- not the past, not the future, just NOW. It really helps curb the worry and the dwelling on the past. Keep trying. It takes some practice. I am sorry to hear about your friend...


Me 53, XH 57
M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids
BD June '13
H moved out July '13
Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14
H filed for D Nov. '14
D March '15
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scooby Offline OP
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Thanks mrbond, job, and livenow

Everything said makes sense total sense. The enactment is very hard. I am guessing with all this crap I am going to find I have a codependent personality. Ugh!;; more good news. You all sound so healthy. I dream to someday be like you all. I need to look into meditation further. I feel like thru thus whole situation I am being constantly smacked in the face. Hope it ends soon. I also secretly hope someone gets caught for all the bad behaviors at work, since it is HUGE danger to others.

So the messaging does not work. We can't do emailing either...right?

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"You all sound so healthy. I dream to someday be like you all."

Oh believe me, it wasn't always like this. Everyone on this site has gone through the EXACT same range of emotions you have. That's what makes this site so great. You are getting advice from the people who have and are actually living through this.

So believe me when I tell you that you will get to that point. You just need to have the faith in yourself. You will get stronger than you can ever imagine. It just takes one small step at a time.

In terms of the meditation thing, your mind may not be able to settle down for awhile. But keep it up and you'll find that there will be a time when it suddenly 'clicks'. And you will be at peace.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Mrbond

I missed why you thought it was important to know that h felt like I abandoned him?

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I am having a hard time sleeping as per usual. H is asking lots of questions and then when I answer he says "ok?" or "whatever". Why ask questions if you do not like my responses or all questioning them. Ugh calgon or anyone take me away!!!!;

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TLD,

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. The key with many questions is to give simple answers, be pleasant and move on. Leave the room if necessary. Again, you must stop trying to analyze or figure out why your h says. It will drive you crazy.

Have you ever lived on your own? Are you afraid if being by yourself? I didn't write * alone* because you can be * alone* (the way you feel with others). I ask because I feel this sense of desperation in your posting. I don't say that to be harsh-it's just the vibe I get. Your old m is dead. And that's not a bad thing. I know it's very painful and difficult to accept that your life has been turned upside down.

Your life can be much, much better. That's why so much of the focus needs to be on you and your girls. You cannot flip a switch and make your h "fixed". That is on him. You did not abandon him. That issue is deep within him due to his childhood. You aren't his mother. Please try to focus on yourself and kids for your sanity. Sing at the top of your lungs in the car. Dance. Laugh so hard you cry. Skip (my D9 and I did this around the track at the park). Read. Work out. And know you will be fine with or without your h. Why? Because he has to work thru his own issues and you have one life to live (at least in this format). Enjoy it:-)



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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