She left - 3

[gogofo]

Nothing too much new here, W has been in Chicago so we have the same limited contact.

Last night hit a punk rock show for my friend's band. Did a little self work and tried to visualize and deal with the worst.

Today I got the Vespa out and cruised around. Had a good day with the kids too.

W and I had the same "kids have good day?" "yes" text exchange this evening. My mom took them for a sleep over so I went out with a friend. She later sent a text that she had dinner at a Basque restaurant that I would have loved.

I did not respond.

I was having fun and I was hoping a non response would work well and hope she would possibly miss me. We are big foodies, as much as I absolutely despise the word. Food, cuisine, and culture was what we explored together. I know she must have been thinking about me during dinner to send the text so I hope my non response enforced the feeling. She was even fishing for small talk asking if it was snowing.

As much as I would have loved to text with her I held tight and let it go unanswered. I sometimes feel that it is her turn to miss and want me. She might lose one of the best people in the world who just happens to be her husband that she left. I am beyond worth it and it is her turn to realize this.

[gogofo]

Woke up this morning to find a text message from the W that said "Do you think we are fixable?". The message was sent from her at 3:30 in the morning. So I guess there may be some movement or thought about us on her part.

[2ndTimeHurt]

Did you respond?

[gogofo]

Nope, I just let it sit. I don't want to have a long texting session about our R. When I read the message it was 6 hours after she sent it. I also don't want to jump up and respond to all of her messages. The only text messages I responded to yesterday were about the kids.

I think I need to be a little less available, build some mystery about myself and my whereabouts.

[HollyAnn]

I'm glad you didn't answer yet; this is definitely not a discussion that should take lace through text.
Plus, she already knows the answer. These WAW can really jerk you around.

[gogofo]

I have been reading other threads on here and now again I am undecided about what to do for Easter.

The day is scheduled to be split, I have the kids in the morning and she will pick them up sometime in the afternoon.

I had planned on extending an invitation for the W to come over and watch the kids hunt for Easter eggs. If the accepted or not that would be her decision but it would not change what I was going to do.

Now after reading sandi2's comments on AndyK's thread I have began to think I should maybe change what I am going to do.

I think that maybe I should just go on with my plans of Easter activities but not extend an invitation to the W.

The reason being sandi2's advice of the W needing to see how things would be if we did D. I think I originally thought that if she did come and watch the kids she would be see what she would be missing. Now I think that maybe she should miss it and see what the D life would be like.

I have not pulled back or refused an invitation to do anything at all. The only exception being the non responded to text messages from last night and one evening while I dropped off the kids she wanted to talk schedule and I took off because I had plans.

Right now she probably knows that I will be here for her, I have not showed her anything different. What she hasn't been shown is what it would be like if she lost me and I got on with my life without her.

Lately I have been walking the walk about limited contact and all the other DB, GAL things I have going. It feels like my way of life now. But when things like Easter come up it feels like playing chess trying to figure out which move to make.

I don't know if my non response to her first two text messages last night prompted the "Do you think we are fixable" message or if it was just coincidence.

I am sure my opinion on Easter's plan of action will change after Thursday night. We have a scheduled dinner/kid swap evening. The last two we had she initiated R talks so I talked with her. I assume she will bring it up again, especially after the text message. I want to have thought this through and stick with a plan that seems to be the best course of action.

I get to familiar and safe around her when we are together. We have a stronger connection, it seems, now after BD than the months prior. It is hard not too take these feelings and run with them instead of letting her dictate the pace. I have not flubbed on initiating the R talk stuff since starting DB and don't plan to. I just don't know whether to extend an invite so we are like a "family" on Easter or leave her out of it so we are like a D family.

[HollyAnn]

I would leave the plans the way they are for now.

[scooby]

I agree keep the plans the way they are. Good job on your successes with dbing.

[gogofo]

W sent the "how are the kids" text message and I replied with a "they were good" kind of message. She then sends two additional messages.

"Oh good. I am ready to come home."
"Hope we can talk when I get home."

I didn't send anything back, but that is two nights in a row with her sending additional messages besides the kid stuff.

Trying not to read into it, but here I go anyways.

Another time she previously opened up was during her spring break. It seems if she isn't busy with work and classes she has been thinking about the M. The fact that she used the word hope, along with the middle of the night message, makes me think she is thinking more about working on us. In the past she would flat out say "we need to talk" and be direct with me. I think if she just wanted to be heard and not have a conversation she would have used this wording.

Maybe she has started to notice what she has been missing.

I know she had to be thinking about me at dinner for her to send the message about the restaurant. Food was always our special connection and in the past when she would eat at a good restaurant she would tell me all about it that evening and then say how it was not as fun or enjoyable without me. She even said in her text message yesterday that I would have loved it.

Now that I have that out of me, back to reality and trying not to have expectations.

[HollyAnn]

I like the way she just announces that she is "ready to come home." How would it have worked out if you had just announced, "I am ready for you to come home"...? A little snark, sorry. I guess it amuses me when I see a power-shift.

Be careful; this is an especially crucial time.
There could be some "touch and go" or other things. WAS will say they want to come back. When they are finally let back in (usually way too soon and way too easily) they bolt again. This is crazy-making.

This is the time to bite your tongue and listen; really listen to her. If she still expresses uncertainty, wants to come back with conditions that she still "needs space" or any other weirdness, that is the time to say things like, "I understand and I have some decisions to make as well." Play it cool. You know the drill.

What this sounds like to me is that your W may have had at least an EA, got all excited, started making plans for a new life...and BAM! Her EA person got scared, backed way off or just flat out broke things off. This happens a lot too. You don't need to be her plan B.

This being said, I think you've handled your sitch pretty well. Most of us who came here were not such quick studies.