Hello everyone, This is my first post and not certain I'm doing this right but..... As background, My wife and I have been married 20 years. We have 2 girls ages 14 and 18. For most of our marriage my wife was a stay at home mom. She comes from a very bad family background where her dad left her mom, brother and her for OW when my wife was 10 and her brother 7. He left them while they were on vacation 1000 miles from home after his OW said she wanted him to come back. He left her mom, a boat, a camper and the kids and flew back home. When they got home he had moved to another state! He never paid ANY child support, drug the divorce out for ten years so he didn't have to give her ANY money at all. He put his business in his OW's name and all her mom got was the house.My wife had little contact with him growing up and always felt "uncomfortable" around him. Their relationship didn't get better as she got older (he got remarried and didn't bother to even tell her he did let alone invite her to the wedding!)and while she really wanted to have a good relationship with him, he made zero effort.
About 7 years ago her grandfather (dad's) died after long illness after moving to live with her dad. He lives 900 miles away and he called and asked my wife (stay at home mom) to come and help him with memorial service for him. She was to stay a month with me coming up the last week and we driving back together in a car her GF had left her (she took kids). When I got up there she was a different person! She had left the kids either alone or with her brothers horrible ex-wife and troubled kids every day so she could spend time with her dad and his new wife. She was mean, insulting and acting selfish. The third day I was there her dad came to me and said that he was having a dinner party for my wife but there just wasn't room for me or our youngest daughter, 7 (oldest wasn't there that day)and to "stay away" and not "bother" the party! My wife went along with this. The next day I told her I was going to fly home with the kids. She could stay as long as she liked but it was certain she didn't want me or them there! She begged me to stay and said we could leave the next day and I relented but we stayed another 3 days and she didn't change her attitude! This when I found out her father had told her he wanted to "make-up" for all the bad he had done over the years but that he thought she was wasting her life as a stay at home mom and she needed to LEAVE ME so he and she could do things together like go to Europe for a month! When she got home she said she felt depressed and ended up going to the dr and getting dignosed with depression. She spent the next 3 years on drugs for depression and our lives never have been the same.
Towards the end of her depression she started to take a new drug because she had no sex drive on the others. All this did was make her want to have sex but never really enjoy it. She said it made her feel like she had an itch that couldn't be scratched and she started avoiding sex altogether. She decided to go back to work (has a great degree in Med field and makes good money)hoping this would help her feel better. I was all for it and helped as much as I could. She was so depressed that I really took over around the house anyway as she was always "too tired" to do anything like clean. Well, when she went back to work she really threw herself into it and I tried to be supportive. One day I found her crying in our bed. I asked her what was wrong and she said she didn't feel she was "part of the group" of other women at work and felt left out. I told her to just be yourself, be interested in them and they will come around. DUMB! She started to spend ALL her time with her new friends at work. Refused to do things with me nor the kids but always was going out with her friends doing the same things she refused to do with us! She refused to go on vacation with us saying she wanted to save those for seeing her dad and we should take seperate vacations anyway, that's what her dad and his family do! Our sex life stopped and she was always mad at me and at work or with her friends from work. I tried all kinds of things to get her involved with me and the kids but nothing worked. She started to get mean and cridical. 2 years ago on our anniversery she told me that she wasn't "attracted" to me anymore but that blew over (still almost no sex).
Last year after trying to talk to her about our sex life she told me that the reason she wasn't was because she was afraid of getting pregnant again and said if I got a vasectomy she would be more comfortable. So that's what I did (yeah, dumb). A week before I got the "all clear" from the dr.she sat me dowm and said she was unhappy, I was unhappy and she just didn't love me the "right" way and wanted a divorce! Now, before the dr would do the vas. we had to fill out a form asking if either of us had ANY thoughts of seperation or divorce and if the answer was yes, he wouldn't do it. She said it was the LAST thing on her mind and wanted to grow old together! When I asked about that she said she had "changed her mind" and "couldn't help that she had". Now, 3 months before this the co. I worked for closed out of the blue and I was without a job for the first time in 12 years. I had a chance to get involved with a start-up where it would take a year or two to start making good money but was a great oppertunity. We had talked about it and she said I should do as she makes enough to pay the bills in the mean time, now she wanted a divorce! Her reason at first were about something that happened 20 years before and made no sense. After the first month that went away and new reasons came out. When they went away it nows turns on her just wanting to be in charge of her own life, wanting to have her own identity, not part of a couple and since Dec. needing to "find her joy" which she can't do with me around! She said she would stay until I started to make better money and for the kids. That was 10 months ago. Things have not gotten better and I realize now that she is fully in MLC I think triggered by her grandfather dying and her dad wanting her back in his life IF she does what he wants. Over the 10 months things have gotten better but than she talks to her dad and they go bad again. The worse was a month ago when he started to bug her to visit him in Fla.(alone). She came back from that trip not wearing her ring and opened a secret bank account that she doesn't even know I know about. When she texted her dad she did this he told her that that was "empowering" and said to change the codes on the computer as well to keep me out (which she did last Sunday). Every other of her friends and realitives tell her NOT to leave, her mom especially but she doesn't listen and gets angry at them. She has lost so much weight she is TOO thin (weighs less than when we were married 20 years ago), has bought all new clothes, new hair, wants attention from other men. She bragged about flirting with men on her trip to Fla. (she called it "working on her people skills")sleeps on the couch and refuses to even touch me. She spews at times but is mostly nice in a fake way. She goes out with her friends and even got so drunk at a bacthertte party 2 weeks ago she couldn't drive home and had to stay the night.(She NEVER was a big drinker).
Since this started she went from wanting a D to now wanting a "trial seperation" but won't back off from leaving me. The kids are angry at her as she spends little or no time with them and they know how she is treating me. I try to let them know I still love her and she loves them and never bad mouth her. Each time things get better, her dad gets involved and they get even worse as she listens to him (and ONLY him). She refuses to go to MC saying it's a waste of money. I really think she knows deep down it's not me or her marriage that is the problem but wants so badly to feel better she wants a big change. About 6 months ago she was going crazy with worry about her health and ended up going back on the pills that messed up her sex life. She was upset about this and when she asked the dr about the effects on her sex drive she says he told her "only women in bad marriages have those problems" (now she says the dr agrees we have a "bad marriage"). She went on hormone replacement and started to take testosterone and when I asked why since we don't have sex, she said she wanted to again just not with me! Since she stopped using it. I messed up at the start, begging, crying, etc. but since have started to detach.I had lost contact with my friends and now am trying to get my life back. I had to do most of everything when she became depressed and never really stopped. She doesn't cook, only does laundry on weekends, I do the rest.She started that I had "treated her like a child" for years and I guess she's right but someone had to take over when she couldn't get out of bed!
I feel like it's now or never. I still don't make enough as I have not put all my effort into my new job and may have to just quit and get something else. Our savings are now gone as she still spends like we have 2 incomes and now she's hiding money because her dad said too. I just Finished "Divorce Remedy" and trying to do a 180 and GAL.She went on a week long trip to DC with our youngest (I told her she should go)and will be back tonight. I haven't told her I know about the bank account yet. Do I confront her? I'm trying to give her space and don't bring up R issues at all but this is big as we need that money! Anyone have any thoughts?
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The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy book by MWD, Divorce Busting is also an excellent book.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
The stages of MLC as rewritten by HB from Jim Conway are a template which can only be laid over an MLCer's experience retrospectively. It's impossible to see the pattern until it has finished being laid or the crisis is complete.(nickel Cyrena). So do not be too concerned where your MLC'er is in this process. (Although my general guess is that they are in REPLAY)
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what she says and 50% of what she does.
I would not ask him anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about her. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first. Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your W has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
Sorry to find you here under those circumstances, but you will find tremendous support of like-mined community of folks who've experienced what you're going through now.
Read Cadet's homework assignments for starters.
For inspiration, ideas, and tips, you would want to check Forever Young and TSquared2's threads as they are living with a live-in female MLCer.
You're going be in this process for a looong time. Won't turn around in few weeks or few months. It will be months and months or years before your W comes out of the MLC fog.
First things first, you gotta protect your own finances. I'd start by separating your bank accounts so your W can't spend marital money wildly all over the place.
Keep posting here in your own thread and visit other threads here in the MLC forum to post in order to get traffic back to your thread.
Thanks Cadet and Wonka! I have just started on my homework and boy, can I see my wife and my life in so many places. Again, thank you and I'll be back as soon as I'm done my "homework"!
Hello again everyone, Yesterday was my wife and youngest daughter's first full day back from school trip to D.C. Wife has been tired and keeping to herself. I, for my part have been trying hard to just leave her alone. She stays as far from our bedroom as possible (sleeping on the couch and spending almost all her time there) and I have just left the room for the most part and let her be. She used to read romance novels all the time and after D-day mostly stopped. Now, she has started up again and as spent her time reading or texting her friends and dad. I have been friendly but let her interact first (mostly). Last night she and I and our youngest watched movies together and she was nice but aloof. Today she didn't once ask me about going to church. You see, since this all started, I have started to go back to church (alone). She has encourged me to do this but told me that she doesn't need to go to church to "be with God". This has been something we have had to deal with since we got married. She was raised with NO church. In fact we couldn't get married in my church because of this. For awhile we went together with the kids but that stopped when she started to withdraw when her grandfather died.
I did find out that one of the reasons she wanted me to go was that she used this time without me home to call and talk to her dad. This way she didn't need to worry that I would over-hear anything she and he talked about as he has been telling her to leave for years! I joined some meet-up groups a couple weeks ago and while she was gone last week I posted that I went out on Facebook and I know she saw it. She hasn't once asked about it. The day before she left she seemed upset that I went out without her telling me that she "knows" I was lying about some part of where I went or what I was doing. I had thought about going out today but the weather isn't good and the only thing going on was outdoors so I'm just trying to stay away from her and let her do what she wants.
She has for the most part been friendly. I made dinner and she thanked me and ate with me. Then I just let her be and went back to the bedroom leaving her to read on the couch (which she now calls her 'bed", which my youngest HATES!). I am trying to stay upbeat and happy but I do sometimes get angry that she is still wanting to destroy her family just because she wants a change in her life. I haven't said that I know about her secret bank account. Not sure how she would react but probably wouldn't care what I said anyway. She was so worried when all this started that I would start hiding money (her divorced friend told her that the "injured" person always does this) but I never did and now SHE is doing just that because her dad told her too!
After reading about why some people go through MLC, I know it's about her childhood and her dad abandoning her. Now, she see's him wanting her in his life and i'm in her way as he won't accept her unless she leaves me. So, instead of trying to talk to him and tell him how he hurt her. She see's a chance to HAVE the realionship she never did with him NOW. A 2nd chance to have the man who hurt her love her instead. She can't see that if he truly did care about her he would accept her for who she is, a wife and a mother but won't. He tells her he wants to make-up for all he did that was bad but to do that it has to be just her, no husband, no kids. Why can't she see him for what he is? Why does she even want him back in her life if he will only do so on HIS terms? If I told her that I only would accept her if she did certain things or was a certain person she would laugh!
I also see that as she started her MLC I started to chase her. The less I chase, the more she tries to get me too. This has been going on for years! During times when she was being real she has said things that tell me that she doesn't want to keep this going. We were watching a movie once and some guy was upset about his girlfriend not wanting him anymore. She said "All he has to do is stop caring about her and ignore her! That's how you get a girl interested in you, just not care!". Also, a big part of our problem is that when she started having sex problems while on depression meds our sex life went to hell. We always had had a great sex life with her havong an "O" everytime (she said this). When she was on the drugs, that stopped and now she even has trouble masterbating and can't seem to get her enjoyment back. This scares the hell out of her and is why she started using testosterone in hopes of getting it back. She stopped using it as I stupidly got upset about it since she refused to have sex or even touch me and when I asked her why she needed it she said so she could someday have sex with other people (now I know it was the MLC talking and should have not reacted!). She can't even bring herself to touch me and in the past said that was because whenever she touched me, I touched her back and she didn't want that! (Not sexually, just things like returning a hug and such). This part has me the most worried as unless she stops feeling that touching me is bad, we have no chance of ever getting through this with our marriage intact.
She tells me that she doesn't want to see other people but stopped wearing her ring. She tells me she worries that if we get divorced she'll turn into an "old cat lady" and never have love in her life again but loses weight and seeks attention from men. There have been times where from what she says she may have had an affair in the past but nothing solid. At one time after she went back to work there were some indications that she may have but I trusted her and dismissed them, now I'm not so sure. She may have and now feels guilty or that if I knew I would reject her. If things don't change soon, it's just a matter of time before it happens. It may be one of the reasons she wants out of our marriage so she can if she wants. I mean why use testosterone when she didn't even want a relationship and say she enjoys sex and wants to have it again after saying she doesn't want one. Again, MLC and saying things that make no sense.
I'm trying to keep from chasing her at all. I'm trying to GAL and do things on my own without her. She said from the start that one of the things that she didn't like was that I didn't go out and do things on my own and have enough of a life seperate from her and our kids! I wish I could find a way to stop her father from getting between us as each time she started to come out he gets involved and she runs back in the tunnel. I think without his pushing her, she may have been able to deal but here's the person who caused her so much pain and he's telling her "Just do this and I'll love you and make up for all the hurt I caused", I can see why she wants this. All she ever wanted from him was love and acceptence and here he is telling her he will give it to her if she does what he did! She's already hurting and confused and add that and no wonder she can't get through this!
Any thoughts from others are welcome as this detatching is hard and it feels so wrong but I can see that it makes sense!
M-52 W-47 M-20 yrs. T-25 2D's, 14 and 18 B-day 6/13 (ILYBNILWY), wants a divorce and not even try Still home but planning to go, sleeps on couch, no sex, no touching
Good to see that you're back here and posting. Keep on posting. Don't need to wait until you finish your "homework."
She stays as far from our bedroom as possible (sleeping on the couch and spending almost all her time there) and I have just left the room for the most part and let her be.
Staying out of the bedroom is her choice. You cannot control W's actions.
Last night she and I and our youngest watched movies together and she was nice but aloof.
That's good. No pressuring W with hanging around her and every word she says.
For awhile we went together with the kids but that stopped when she started to withdraw when her grandfather died.
The MLCer will withdraw from people and activities they used to enjoy. It is part and parcel of feeling pressure from the outside world. It is THEIR journey. I did find out that one of the reasons she wanted me to go was that she used this time without me home to call and talk to her dad. This way she didn't need to worry that I would over-hear anything she and he talked about as he has been telling her to leave for years!
You are mindreading here. Unless W specifically said this to you, you really just don't know the real reason.
I joined some meet-up groups a couple weeks ago and while she was gone last week I posted that I went out on Facebook and I know she saw it. She hasn't once asked about it.
You want to be sure that you're joining these activities because you LIKE them, not to get W's attention. Focus on YOU. Try not to worry if W notices or not.
The day before she left she seemed upset that I went out without her telling me that she "knows" I was lying about some part of where I went or what I was doing.
Good! You have your own life to lead and cannot worry too much what W thinks or will say. Being upset is her own choice and she needs to own these emotions.
She has for the most part been friendly. I made dinner and she thanked me and ate with me. Then I just let her be and went back to the bedroom leaving her to read on the couch (which she now calls her 'bed", which my youngest HATES!).
Matt, are you saying that you don't hang out in the living room or in other parts of the house, right? If that's the case, then you've got to take back your own house! Don't go hide away in the bedroom. If she has a problem with you being around her, let her move away.
I am trying to stay upbeat and happy but I do sometimes get angry that she is still wanting to destroy her family just because she wants a change in her life.
Careful there. You cannot blame W for all of this sorry mess. It takes two to have gotten to this point. Own up your part and take a long look at what you've contributed to this as well.
I haven't said that I know about her secret bank account. Not sure how she would react but probably wouldn't care what I said anyway. She was so worried when all this started that I would start hiding money (her divorced friend told her that the "injured" person always does this) but I never did and now SHE is doing just that because her dad told her too!
I would want to keep an eye on the marital assets and money. Sometimes MLCers will just blow through money like there's no tomorrow. If you haven't already done so, I'd suggest that you set up your own account and keep the joint account to a minimum to ensure that it does not negatively affect you financially. After reading about why some people go through MLC, I know it's about her childhood and her dad abandoning her. Now, she see's him wanting her in his life and i'm in her way as he won't accept her unless she leaves me. So, instead of trying to talk to him and tell him how he hurt her. She see's a chance to HAVE the realionship she never did with him NOW.
This is W's chit to figure out all by herself. This is something she feels compelled to do herself and let her be. You cannot get in the way of that father-child reconciliation irrespective if it's healthy or not. It is not for you to decide. Eventually, W will hopefully figure this out in due course.
He tells her he wants to make-up for all he did that was bad but to do that it has to be just her, no husband, no kids. Why can't she see him for what he is? Why does she even want him back in her life if he will only do so on HIS terms?
I see this as presenting some valuable life lessons for all parties involved: you, W and FIL. You need to figure out how you want to conduct yourself in this part of life's circle. Each one of you has a role to play in this new wrinkle. The way I am seeing this is that FIL is most likely sees you as a "competitor" for his daughter's affections. This is what occurs when one parent has been away for so long that they've missed out on some important milestones in their child's life. It is pretty clear that FIL is not a very secure or self-assured person. Your W will need to go through this life lesson to reconcile some of the various versions of a Daddy in her life.
We were watching a movie once and some guy was upset about his girlfriend not wanting him anymore. She said "All he has to do is stop caring about her and ignore her! That's how you get a girl interested in you, just not care!".
Are you really listening to one of the more lucid thoughts from W? Sometimes the MLCer will very rarely say a pretty lucid thing to the LBS. This is when it is critically IMPORTANT to pay attention. These are the gems to tuck away in the back of your mind.
Also, a big part of our problem is that when she started having sex problems while on depression meds our sex life went to hell. We always had had a great sex life with her havong an "O" everytime (she said this). When she was on the drugs, that stopped and now she even has trouble masterbating and can't seem to get her enjoyment back. This scares the hell out of her and is why she started using testosterone in hopes of getting it back.
Drugs may or may not play in this part. For me, while I was in my MLC, my sex drive took a big dive. I think it was due to the MLC depression. We struggle with a whole yarn ball of emotions that confuse us thus a jumble of numbo jumbo tumble out of our mouths. Which is why it is important not to take things personally when the MLCer says hurtful things sometimes. She can't even bring herself to touch me and in the past said that was because whenever she touched me, I touched her back and she didn't want that! (Not sexually, just things like returning a hug and such). This part has me the most worried as unless she stops feeling that touching me is bad, we have no chance of ever getting through this with our marriage intact.
Many MLcers get numb with their spouses. Our circuits are all whacked out so we run away from our spouses emotionally so this is what you'll see from W. It is NOT you. All of this is W's chit to figure out by her lonesome self. If you will, you'll see that a lot of MLCers flinch away when their spouse attempts to touch them. It is not YOU. I know...easier said than done. You'll have to treat them as a "housemate" to help with the detachment.
She tells me she worries that if we get divorced she'll turn into an "old cat lady" and never have love in her life again but loses weight and seeks attention from men.
It is a classic MLC-talk. We all worry about losing our youthful looks and missing out on life. Feeling we've not accomplished much. So we run like mad trying to make up for whatever's lost in our lives. W feels the need to feel attractive so she checks to see if she's able to stir up interest from other men.
If things don't change soon, it's just a matter of time before it happens. It may be one of the reasons she wants out of our marriage so she can if she wants.
You just don't know....an awful lot of mindreading here.
I mean why use testosterone when she didn't even want a relationship and say she enjoys sex and wants to have it again after saying she doesn't want one.
You're speculating. Have you come right out and asked W this? It doesn't matter what W really thinks anyway for it is illogical and irrational. A lot of MLCer's thought process is on the blinker so many things that come out of their mouths are very illogical. It's the norm for the MLCer. Goodness knows what I've said to Ms. Wonka during my MLC!!
I wish I could find a way to stop her father from getting between us as each time she started to come out he gets involved and she runs back in the tunnel. I think without his pushing her, she may have been able to deal but here's the person who caused her so much pain and he's telling her "Just do this and I'll love you and make up for all the hurt I caused", I can see why she wants this.
You cannot possibly even entertain the possibility of interfering with their relationship. Oh my...you'll get some serious blowback from them. Don't go there, Matt. W is gonna have to figure this chit on her own. You may not like this at all. I can clearly see that W is probably feeling very conflicted and confused. Who wouldn't if their parent suddenly came back in their lives and hectoring them to give up their life to join them. I do feel for your W and the mess she's gotten into with her father. It is their chit to figure out. Just leave them be.
Also by interfering with this process, you will delay the MLC process even further and prolong it even longer. You wouldn't want to do this, right? Just let this progress naturally without your interference.
All she ever wanted from him was love and acceptence and here he is telling her he will give it to her if she does what he did! She's already hurting and confused and add that and no wonder she can't get through this!
That is assuming that you THINK you KNOW how your W feels and thinks. Be careful there, buddy. You're wading into dangerous territory here. Maybe, just maybe, W can get through this...that is her choice. It is a path that she feels compelled to walk on with or without you.
Thank you Wonka! Yes, some of this is "mind reading" and I'm trying not to do that. When I asked about the Testosterone she told me she's using it because "I like sex and I want to have sex again. Just not with you". So that was her answer.
I do know better than to try and come between her and her dad. I just wish he had just stayed the hell out of our lives!
Yes, very lucid moment when she told me how to "win" back a woman! I have a feeling that as I detach, I may see a different side of her but trying to only do things for me. Not to get her attention. It's sometimes hard to seperate the two but I'm trying. One good thing is I'm getting along better with my daughters than ever before and trying to do more with them.
I am sorry that you find yourself here. I will echo Wonka comments that you will find a lot of people in similar sitchs as yourself. Read as much as possible and know that HER MLC is NOT YOUR FAULT. You did not cause it and YOU cannot fix it.
You will receive a lot of advice here, some of it will be useful, some not. YOU will need to learn how to sift through the advice and apply things that work for you in YOUR specific sitch.
First things first…..breath….take a few deep breaths….
As Wonka pointed out, MLC is not something that just “goes away overnight”. YOUR W is not on HER own journey and you on YOUR own. No one here can guarantee when and IF she will ever get past her MLC.
There is no magic pill.
Right now, you will need to focus on YOU and the kids.
Please READ ALL of the resources that Cadet provided on your thread.
Originally Posted By: Matt165
]Did you see any changes in your W before her trip to help her dad with her grandfather’s arrangements?
Did you see any changes before her trip?
Originally Posted By: Matt165
I still don't make enough as I have not put all my effort into my new job and may have to just quit and get something else.
Originally Posted By: Matt
now she's hiding money because her dad said too.
I would make copies of what is going on. Legally, she should not be doing this. Also, keep track of the finances (credit cards, etc.). MLCers can blow through cash faster than they can make it. So PROTECT yourself.
Quote:
I joined some meet-up groups a couple weeks ago and while she was gone last week I posted that I went out on Facebook and I know she saw it.
Joining a meet-up group is a great idea. Right now, you need to focus on keeping your spirits up and this is a good way to do it. In terms of Facebook…..personally, I would watch what I post. If you do decide to post something…do it because YOU want to….not in the hope that she will “see it” and wonder or respond.
Quote:
I am trying to stay upbeat and happy but I do sometimes get angry that she is still wanting to destroy her family just because she wants a change in her life.
I would NOT expect your W to add to your happiness right now, so staying upbeat and happy is YOUR responsibility. As for her wanting to destroy her family, chances are that she does see it that way. You are right…she wants to change…and she will do it on her terms and timeline. You are going to get angry Matt. It is normal. Find outlets to let the anger out in a constructive way (much easier said than done).
Quote:
She was so worried when all this started that I would start hiding money (her divorced friend told her that the "injured" person always does this) but I never did and now SHE is doing just that because her dad told her too!
I can’t say it enough….protect your finances and right now…as a married couple…your finances are JOINT.
Originally Posted By: Matt
After reading about why some people go through MLC, I know it's about her childhood and her dad abandoning her. Now, she see's him wanting her in his life and i'm in her way as he won't accept her unless she leaves me. So, instead of trying to talk to him and tell him how he hurt her. She see's a chance to HAVE the realionship she never did with him NOW. A 2nd chance to have the man who hurt her love her instead. She can't see that if he truly did care about her he would accept her for who she is, a wife and a mother but won't. He tells her he wants to make-up for all he did that was bad but to do that it has to be just her, no husband, no kids. Why can't she see him for what he is? Why does she even want him back in her life if he will only do so on HIS terms?
Spending time trying to make sense of HER actions is pointless – although I have a funny feeling you are going to continue to waste time and energy trying to figure out “why”? IMO, the WHY doesn’t matter – not anymore.
So Matt….let me ask you a question….
Where does Matt want to be in 2 years? What things to you want in YOUR life? What dreams do you have? Oh…and I know restoring your M is one of them so you do not have to list that one.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I did everything by myself to figure out "why" and well even if I did figure it out for myself (which may not be the true reason "why") in the end it still doesn't matter. Do what they are telling you. DB Work on yourself and move on, because that's what to focus on. If she ever figures things out for herself and she wants you to be in her life, you may want her in yours or you may be wanting to continue on a different path. Take one day at a time and Let Go Let God.
