Thanks Another...as far as OW, not something I need to add to my hell right now - I'm as certain as I can be and thats enough for now. But thanks for the kind words.
Upwards, I'm trying. Managed to be pleasant during dinner. Once we got "home" (isn't "home" supposed to be warm and comfy?! Not currently) we sat in the living room watching tv. He made tea for he and I. I sat quietly working on my laptop and he on his ipad.
I would make the occasional comment about what was on tv (not forced comments but trying to show that I wasn't sulking). I'm sure it was different for him as I wasn;t pressuring him or upset. Just okay (not really totally faking - but from what he could see) Comments like "Oh I just saw that book on sale at costco."
Wishing the 2 DB abd DR books would hurry up and get here. Flying by the seat of my pants.
And suggestions on which to read first? DB or DR?
M:41 H:38 D:6 D:3 M:11 yrs T:15 yrs Bomb: Feb 8/14 Seperated: Feb 12/14
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Plato
Feeling very discouraged. Even reading all the boards - someone posts something about things starting to turn around and then it all goes out the window and everyone's situation is crappy.
I'm still waiting for my DR and DB to arrive to read but it seems very much like H can do as he likes and I am warm and kind and almost pretending to be someone else in the hopes he'll come around. Seems very hopeless.
Like I said, very down today. Reality is setting in that this my reality and not how I pictured it in any way. Feeling very alone. Maybe my opinton will change once I read the books.
I feel like a fool and a doormat.
M:41 H:38 D:6 D:3 M:11 yrs T:15 yrs Bomb: Feb 8/14 Seperated: Feb 12/14
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Plato
You should not be pretending to be someone else. You should be focusing on the only thing you can control, which is you. We all have bad days, but you can do this.
You shouldnt be pretending to be someone else, if your struggling being around him then can you go to another room or something?
You need to focus on YOU and what is best for YOU - DB is about saving yourself, if that saves your marriage than thats a bonus but right now the only thing you are in control of is you. You need to stop worrying how your actions will effect your H and start thinking about how they will help you, put the focus on yourself.
The book will help you understand why DB is for YOU & how it can help you. Take one step at a time.
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
"I'm still waiting for my DR and DB to arrive to read but it seems very much like H can do as he likes and I am warm and kind and almost pretending to be someone else in the hopes he'll come around. Seems very hopeless."
If you're pretending to be a happy and confident and strong upbeat person, then continue to do so until you become it. Fake it til you become it as I think 25 likes to point out. Sorry if it is another poster who recommeneds those Ted talks.
Just lose the expectations. Expectations are a killer. I'm fighting the expectations off as I write this.
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
I'd had enough and we talked and then yelled and I told him he can't be here. He can't sleep here 1/2 the week. If he wants to be divorced, that he can go away full time and see how he likes being a part time dad. He was mad but held back. Not me.
He confirmed he has nothing left to give and that he doesn;t want to try. Cue the crying and angry words.
I can't believe how he changed. I would have been willing to bet on my life 3 months ago that we would never be in this situation. He's like a stranger. I feel like I;ve never known him.
Still no books yet. By the time they get here, I will have imploded. (Maybe I already have).
I never knew I could feel this low.
M:41 H:38 D:6 D:3 M:11 yrs T:15 yrs Bomb: Feb 8/14 Seperated: Feb 12/14
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Plato
I went through something similar. And then, one night, I sat and cried and cried and cried and cried and let it all out... and since then I haven't really cried much. Somehow, I just started to get past all the feelings you've described. I decided to stop scowling at him and tried to truly push the anger out of my heart.
I'm sorry you are going through this. It will get better. Hang in there. Find some things that YOU like/want to do. (maybe new TV shows that he wouldn't want to watch!?), hobbies you've forgotten about? reconnect with old friends or make some new ones? Become the kind of person only a fool would walk away from...
