Points to ponder...

[wishing, hoping]

So bad news. Car is toast. The place I took it to this morning wouldn't even attempt to fix it. They said it needs a new engine. I am not replacing the engine on an 11 year old vehicle with 238,000 miles on it. They suggested getting a new car. Great. In the meantime they charged me over $110 to look at the car, hook it up to a diagnostic and put some oil in it.

I have an email into my lawyer on how to handle this legally. I am running on 5 out of 6 cylinders for who knows how long! H said he has no problem with me getting rid of it as long as the value of the vehicle still shows up on the marital balance sheet. I don't know how this works. Man I wish this was just over and done. I am at my wits end. What's that old saying? It's always darkest before the dawn?

So any pointers on finding a new vehicle? Help is appreciated.

WH

[ericmsant2]

So any pointers on finding a new vehicle?

I am not fully up to speed on your sitch but I'll offer my 2 cents (okay...maybe 5 cents)...

List of considerations...

1) How many miles do you normally drive?

2) Based on your location, I believe that it snows a lot up there, so do you need 4 wheel drive or not?

3) What can you realistically afford?

4) I would first consider a used car but not one with a great deal of miles on it.

5) Go to kbb.com and do research on cars that you may be considering.

6) Go with the extended warranty if it make sense, especially if you buy used.

7) if you purchase a certified pre-owned, some come with an extended warranty.

8) The key to car shopping is this....you have to be willing to walk away.

9) if you are buying used, know the value of the car you are looking at.

10) See what your L says, you do not want to come across as a gold digger nor do you want to settle for something that is going to break down in a few years.

BTW, what do you drive now?

[wishing, hoping]

Hey Eric

I drive quite a lot. I am all over hill and dale carting kids around and I drive 30 miles to work and back every day. Plus my family is in Indiana. I drive a lot.

Four wheel drive isn't a necessity, but it's nice. Front wheel drive of course is mandatory.

I do not want to spend more than $10,000 for this vehicle. Preferably closer to $8,000. Seems like an impossible task.

Definitely used car and mileage is critical especially as much as I drive.

IDK about the extended warranty. I did that once and it seems like it is more a ploy for car dealers to make more money because you have to finance the warranty as well.

I am the queen of walking away. Trust me. I am a car dealer's worst nightmare. I come to the dealership with both barrels loaded. It's my way or I walk. Period.

My lawyer said if I don't trade the car in and I have paperwork from the car shop verifying the cost of repair is greater than the value of the car then we say my car is worth zero. H disagrees. He says if we have been claiming KBB value of $3500 all along, that is what it needs to stay at. We don't get to change that value. My lawyer told me if I trade the car in and I get $2500 trade in, then that is what the car is/was worth and that is the value that gets added in. Period.

I am beyond frustrated.

WH

[scooby]

Sorry to hear about the car. At least you know how to deal with salesmen. Do your research before you go in, on what the blue book falue is on those jobs. I have faith that you will do a great job, and feel great after bc you are GAL and surviving without his help.

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks, TLD. He was never much help to begin with. LOL! He did call me and tell me that he found another car just like the one I have (same year and everything) with fewer miles and only $5000. Yes, that's exactly what I want. The exact same thing I already have.

So my attorney is filing the contempt paperwork. Can't wait to feel the backlash from H. I am sure it will be epic.

WH

[Wonka]

WH,

So my attorney is filing the contempt paperwork. Can't wait to feel the backlash from H. I am sure it will be epic.


Oohhh...la la. Watching for the fireworks with my bag of cheddar-flavored popcorn.

[wishing, hoping]

So I have gotten the car fixed. For now. My boss's garage managed to repair the car so I can drive it. It's a short term solution, but it's better than buying a new car. I am hoping I can limp around a few months with this. In the meantime I will save up the money for a buffer and pay the minimum amounts on credit cards and other bills. I have started packing lunches for D because she likes to pack her lunch. And I am not buying expensive stuff for her lunches. She likes nutella sandwiches (we always keep that on hand), some red or yellow peppers, an apple, some veggie sticks, string cheese and a homemade cookie. I am taking the stand that every little bit helps and trying to keep a PMA about things.

H sent me a receipt demanded I reimburse him for soccer shoes he bought for D. I told him he never told me he bought her soccer shoes and so I bought her some as well. He was angry of course, and said I was playing games. He signed his email to me as "extremely disappointed". I didn't get defensive and I didn't get angry. In fact I LOL'd when I read it (he is so dramatic). I simply stated I was sorry if he felt I was playing games and that wasn't my intent. I just was not aware that he had purchased shoes already and I wish he had talked to me about his intentions before he made the purchase. I also stated that I was sorry he was so disappointed.

He doesn't seem to realize that his lack of communication is just as much a part of the problem as my "playing games". Of course I am starting to realize he just doesn't have the tools to recognize this. He can't see his role in any of this. His blinders are on and he is just in victim mode. So much that he thinks the ones who truly care the most about him are the ones most intent on harming him. Isn't that called paranoia? It is truly sad. Pathetic really.

I am dreading this contempt hearing. I am just tired of the fight. It just seems like a way to keep hanging onto something that I don't want to hang onto any longer. It is making me weary. This hearing seems like it will just perpetuate the fight and make things uglier and nastier. I believe it will make H stronger in his resolve, not weaken it. H thrives on drama and tension. He seeks it out and feeds off it. I can't do that any longer.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

WH,

So my attorney is filing the contempt paperwork. Can't wait to feel the backlash from H. I am sure it will be epic.


Oohhh...la la. Watching for the fireworks with my bag of cheddar-flavored popcorn.

Thanks, Wonka. I am so tired of the drama. Like I said it just seems like another skirmish in the war that doesn't end. This won't make H change his ways. It will just make him more determined to "win" whatever he thinks he is going to win.

I still think it is futile.

WH

[BklynMom]

I totally get how you feel. Totally. I was so over the fighting as well. In fact I gave up on 20,000 in marital support cause I just didnt want to fight.

We need to protect ourselves financially and every time you do that, your STBX is right there basically calling you a B!tch because you are not agreeing with his every decision. Nothing you can do to change that. Continue to stand up for yourself and your kids finances but also remember its only money and sometimes it may not be worth the aggravation.

They have no choice but to make you into a monster that they tell themselves you are.

What are the financial consequences of the contempt hearing, how much could you win & what are your legal costs? Do a spread sheet for this.

Your STBX is a jerk and so is his dumba$$ girlfriend

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks BK.

My attorney has a spreadsheet and bank statements which show H has hidden over $10,000 from me. My attorney is also calling for H to pay attorney fees and court costs. So IDK?

This will also show the judge how H cannot be trusted to do the right thing as far as financials go. If he has the opportunity to hide money from me, he will do so. He is a sneaky snake in the grass. I am hoping that this will show just cause that all support from H needs to be garnished from his wages and it will show that he does receive bonuses and he cannot be trusted to "share" that money with me. If H's wages are not garnished, I will get nothing.

I am not optimistic about any of it.

WH