Now….can we hear one more roar from Lois “I ain’t afraid no more”?
That means changing. That means letting go of habits/coping skills I've relied on since I was a kid. That means, instead of hiding in the bathroom, I tell people who I am and I invite more people into my life.
What if I let them down? What if I get depressed again and I let them down? What if I can't handle the schedule? What if I can't handle MORE?? What if this is the best I can do? What if I need time away from people and I can't keep up with the demands people make? The demands more work/money/responsibility entails?
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Why would you need external approval and validation? You stand confident of YOURSELF. That's what truly matters.
For me, I am comfortable with who I am and couldn't be bothered by what what other people think of me. They don't know my life story nor have walked in my shoes. I do what I THINK and FEEL is best for ME. It is how I live my life. This isn't to say that I am not sensitive or lacking some compassion for what others think. Just that I don't allow negative thoughts or comments bother me. I just plow ahead and ignore naysayers.
Another thing that has worked for me is being around people with positive attitude, positive outlook and filled with integrity. I pick my friends based on these qualities and just remove myself from people/situations that have negative aura about them. It is WITHIN your power to do so, Heather. Own it!
Guess what? It is also perfectly okay to say "no" if you feel that it will lead you to being over-committed. I've turned down two invitations to sit on the Board of several companies because I knew they'd cut into my valuable time in terms of work/home balance.
You get to choose how to schedule your work commitments. It is all within your power to do so.
In the past, when I put myself "Out There," I took a lot of abuse from Smokey and his family...and mine. I have been surrounded with some very judgmental people. People were always hovering and watching my every move and making a judgment call on whether I did this or that. I grew up very hypervigilant, trying hard to make all the "Right" moves. Mistakes were not allowed. Mistakes, human weakness, imperfection drew harsh criticism.
When I was younger, I put myself out there and took some big risks. In some eyes, these risks were considered foolish, immature, irresponsible...and, maybe they were?? I've carried the burden of these choices for a long time and I've been afraid to try again. I allowed these harsh critics and past choices to define me and weigh me down.
I think I'm having, yet again, some growing pains. I'm taking some chances and I'm scared and my situation is a bit precarious and I have, as always, a lot on my plate. I'm trying to reach out to others and share some of the load. It's scary and it brings up old messages that are wayyyy out of date.
And, I'm realizing that some old comforting coping skills just aren't working anymore. Squishing my eyes closed and hoping it will all go away, just doesn't work the way it did when I was five!!
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
What if a unicorn landed on your lawn and sh*t gold bars?
"What if", What if, what if,
I would start by replacing that with...
Who gives a chit..who give a chit..
Quote:
I took a lot of abuse from Smokey and his family...and mine.
Your past DOES NOT DEFINE YOUR FUTURE. Fu*k the past. It already happened.
Quote:
When I was younger, I put myself out there and took some big risks. In some eyes, these risks were considered foolish, immature, irresponsible...and, maybe they were?? I've carried the burden of these choices for a long time and I've been afraid to try again. I allowed these harsh critics and past choices to define me and weigh me down.
DB101...."change how you look at things". Were they foolish OR did they really serve a purpose. I suspect that everything you did, every chance you took - was for a reason!
Think about it...had you not taken the chance..would you be the women you are today? I am not talking about some of your fears. The fact that you are facing your fears is amazing!
You are starting to shed..what I would call the mask.
Rip that f*cker off LoisB...rip it off. Learn to really love yourself, just the way you are. RIGHT now. Not tomorrow, not when you face ALL your fears - NO. Learn to love, value and appreciate WHO YOU ARE today.
Lois, you and many others on these boards are such amazing people.
I'm am going to find a post that I wrote a while ago about masks. Maybe it will help you.
FWIW, I am proud of YOU Lois!
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Send that unicorn my way...I could use some gold bars myself!
Once Lois gives the word..I'll send them your way. They may stop over at GM23 place for a bit.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Here's something to keep in mind: once you start facing your fears and walking right through them, it feels so good that you'll want to keep doing it! That's how we grow. It's painful sometimes, but that's how it happens. Working on that myself nowadays. I simply stopped growing for quite a few years and I was miserable. H's MLC BD last June forced me to face myself, and only myself. What had I been doing? 'Hiding in the bathroom.' Get out of there and mix it up - and live again! I wasted alot of years not really living.
Here's something else interesting: I am a technical writer. Have been for 26 years now. There are still lots of 'traditional' tech writing jobs out there, but the trend is toward developing e-learning courses now, which is what I've transitioned to in the last few years. It's more fun that the basic 'manual writing' type of stuff, but I still call myself a tech writer. Oh, and I've been a member of the STC for 25 years now. The networking events are really good ways to get out and meet people who do what you do (or want to do). And you will meet like-minded people. Hope it was a good event! Report back when you can!
Me 53, XH 57 M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids BD June '13 H moved out July '13 Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14 H filed for D Nov. '14 D March '15
