I went for walk/run on the riverfront after work. It was great to get some fresh air and work off some stress. H was working on his truck when I arrived home. He was upbeat and spoke as soon as I got out of the car. I was polite. After my shower, H came in and gave me some more cash for the bills. He acted as if all was fine but I'm sure he noticed I was not in the funny haha mood. He asked again if I was angry and I repeated what I said last night{I am not angry, I am concerned about you lying to me about the recent incident}. He continued to say that the pills were not his, he called his workers, asked why I don't believe him, yada yada yada. This time I explained to him why I do not believe and trust him. He said he was tired of me accusing him when has not done anything wrong and just tell him if I did not want to be with him. (Shifting the conversation) Another one of his tactics so I called him on it. I told him that I was tired of having to question him about these things. That he's an adult and should do with his life what ever it is that he wants openly and freely but he could not use me as a doormat, standby or safety net in the process. I suggested that we separate and walked away. This was a big/bold move for me as I have taken so much verbal abuse and head bunts from H in the past 2 years. He appeared to be shocked by what I said and went outside. He came back inside after 30 minutes or so and started talking as if I did not say a word. As I was getting in the bed, he offered to apply ointment to my sore shoulder (weight lifting injury). I told him I had already applied the medicine but he insisted on reapplying it and massaging the sore area. Later he asked if there was anything I needed before stepped outside to smoke. Well, I am not phased by his behavior. I am fed up with him being so nonchalant about this things that are important to me and I told him so. He doesn't want to discuss moving into another bedroom. I will be keeping my eyes open and putting a padlock on my heart for awhile.
So today was interesting. I discovered that H has been texting back and forth with OW. He did not deny texting her but he kept saying that there was nothing going on between him. Text messages end with sweet connotations such as precious, my heart, etc. but he continues to say there is nothing going on between the two.
I was furious. I mean smoking hot and said some really pissed off things including our M was over and he needed to decide if he was going to move into the spare bedroom, etc..etc.
He thinks its okay to communicate with OW and thinks I'm taking things too far. A real jerk!
Is an affair a deal breaker for you now? Time to make some really hard decisions. It is a HORRIBLE place to be :-(
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Hi Twinmom- It wasn't before and I was willing to forgive and move forward. Now, it's more than just the EA/PA. It's the lack of respect and compassion for me. He knows how hard this has been on our R yet he is regressing instead of progressing. After I found out about the A, we remained in the same house, ML, need things as a family, etc. Right now, he has his cake and ice cream too. I don't think he will ever get it if he is allowed to continue w/o consequences.
Last night H and I did not say much to each other after the argument otherthan his complete denial of resuming EA/PA w/OW. I ate dinner, showered and went to bed. H stayed up drinking then slept on the couch.
Today H says that I'm taking the text messages wrong, blah blah blah. I continue to remind him of the NC agreement he made. I told him that I am not willing to remain in the R if he continues to make contact w/OW. Period and no exceptions.
Resuming my GAL to happier me. I feel pretty good today!
Wow, sounds like time to decide some things. My therapist told me early on reconciling won't work until OP is completely out of the picture. My R is no where near that point, as he wants divorce and is sleeping in another room with no physical contact
Hi Starsky- Not of H resuming the A but he showed me the text messages between him and OW. The messages were not R in context however he agreed to no communication with OW. He's also following her creative page on FB.
Made it home and the house is very quiet. I think H is sleep upstairs. I'm going to best buy in a few to pickup the keylogger.
Will it work on an I-Pad as well?
Shouldn't I stand my ground on the NC w/OW even if they have not resumed the A? Innocent conversations can led to other types of conversations. How stern were you this concept in your R?
