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Wow. Everyone is so strong. I hope that I get there someday. It hurts that we can talk small talk until we are blue, but I cannot get near him. He cannot even look at me, I am sure from the guilt. Once he said I want a divorce in his mind he was able to move ea to pa. It hurts like a knife thru the heart to watch him court her like he did me.

Meanwhile, my family is stepping in to help for when he divorces me. I am like ummmmmm thanks... But I don't want this !!; I don't want a divorce.

I hate the selfishness of mlcers. When do I get to he selfish? I would never do that as I am a giver not taker. I swear h mlc is going to drive me to a nervous breakdown.

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You will get there tld, and praying_in_georgia. We all will.

H can't look at me either. GUILT. And ditto what you said above, tld. Exactly. And I know exactly what it's like to be HER right now. He was so good to me back then. <Sigh>

We won't have a nervous breakdown if we keep rebuilding our own lives. It's hard work sometimes, but I feel like I have run right past him now (while all he did for 10 months is wallow in self-pity). And literally -- I've run right past him. I've been running again while he proceeded to gain about 10 pounds. Ha.


Me 53, XH 57
M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids
BD June '13
H moved out July '13
Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14
H filed for D Nov. '14
D March '15
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My H is the opposite. He is fine with the occasional hug, kiss, or even intimacy. He is, however, worried about leading me on or giving me false hope when he participates in those activities. Even doing dinner with me for my birthday made him worried I would get false hope for our future. Whatever, it's my birthday and we all eat dinner!

Today I made a passing remark about 'one day you're going to wish we were still together'. It was all part of a lighthearted joking conversation we were having about going out or something. Anyway, he looked down at me (he is 6'4" and I am 5'2"...he literally looks down) and said "Yea, you're pretty cute so I probably will." Seriously? Just shove it in your pie hole. Whatever.

So, I didn't mention he FB thing to him at all. I didn't even let on that I knew it had happened. I KNOW he is trying to get a rise out of me and that won't be the case.

As I was getting ready for work we were talking about his graduation ceremony. He only has 4 tickets (it's in Dec so many months away). He said he was thinking I could come, his parents, and his sister. I said I looked forward to it and then I could also meet some of his girlfriends. He laughed at that saying they weren't all his girlfriends...yet. He said I needed a boyfriend. Then he said we should go out together and be each others wing-man. He has this need to move us into the friends zone. Hanging out and going out like we did in 1999. He keeps mentioning that I need to date and I need to sleep with someone else so I can move past this marriage. He seriously needs to shove it.


Me: 33 / H: 36
M: 10y / T: 14y
3 kids
BD: 2/22/14
Live in separation 3/8/14
H consult lawyer, says filing asap 4/24/14
H moved out 4/25/14
2nd time around. 1st separation 4y ago lasted a month
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Praying

I am so sorry that your H is being what I have determined a jerk. Removing the relationship on FB - how childish is that? All these jokes about you dating and such. He sounds like he could be related to my H. Funny how similar the stories are in these blogs. Your H is probably like mine where he gets a high from my pain, and it makes him feel more in control.

My H in the beginning would be intimate with me. Then afterwards he would say I should not have done that you will get the wrong idea - ugh why don't you just stab me right there. Then it turned to this weird thing where he would fake sleepwalk to be intimate. I let him do it for awhile, but once I discovered he was having Pa with OW, I cut it off. He still does try and I just take him back to his room. The great thing is that I can say whatever I want when I take him back to his room, because he is sleeping (I have to admit I have said some really not so nice things, and enjoyed it.) He will not have physical contact with me while he is awake since we had a huge physical altercation that he blames on me and says he is scared of me, of what I might do. UMMMMMMMMM...I did not start the fight, and I am the only one with bruises. I cannot believe a man would admit he is scared of a girl - espically since I have lost so much weight I weigh less than one of his legs.

Now his relationship with OW is hot and heavy. But he says they are still just friends. The thing is that he has something going on at work and could be fired if they relationship is found out. I feel like telling, but know he would come back to get me.

I am sorry praying that your H is putting you thru this. I hope that you are dealing with it better than I. For some reason last few days have been awful for me. I assume by your name that I can add you to my prayers. Have a great one and good luck!

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So, let me ask you this. Is a live in or true separation better when it comes to saving the marriage?

H was talking about if he moved he would really only have his brother's house to go to since he doesn't have a job. I asked him what HE preferred to do. He said he would rather stay in my house. (He calls it my house since I pay the bills. I have told him it is our house but he likes this word game) He said that living in the house is awkward at times and he feels like it is preventing me from moving on as quickly as I would without him there. But, he said it is easier for him to be with the kids and to help me with the kids. He can pick them up from gym or run errands for us easier. As a bonus for him, it is also closer to his school and I have kick butt internet. His brother's house is an hour away from him school and since they live in the middle of the woods their internet is crap.

Anyway, I am feeling quite strong today. I am ready to go home and make the best of my life. I am ready to show him how amazing I am and if he chooses to leave he is the one losing out. Then I started googling separation and most articles talk about true separation as opposed to live in.

My dream is to have this whole situation end in a strong, amazing marriage that will finally stand the test of time. Of course how long this will take is not my choice but I want to make the right decisions for me, the kids, and H.


Me: 33 / H: 36
M: 10y / T: 14y
3 kids
BD: 2/22/14
Live in separation 3/8/14
H consult lawyer, says filing asap 4/24/14
H moved out 4/25/14
2nd time around. 1st separation 4y ago lasted a month
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Praying,

I think it is nice if they can stay in the home-provided you don't let his antics bother you. Detach. However, sometimes people in MLC have to go out on their own. If your h wants to move , don't try to convicr him otherwise. However, let him come to that decision. Just leave him be and he either will or won't.

In regards to FB, I named dropped and unfriended my H. He was livid. I don't care. This from a man who moved out and has OW. Perspective is everything.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Thanks Georgia. That's what I was thinking. If he wants to go then he can go. If he wants to stay then he can stay. I am stronger today.

I am done with this sad, depressed, crying, baby crap. If he wants to leave then let him. I am going to be a healthy, strong, confident person from now on. I know there will be trying times in the future. Times when I want to shrivel back up into a ball and become the unattractive mess I have been and I will have to dig deep to deal with those times as they come.

Wednesday I am going to tell him to enjoy his afternoon out. I will take D8 to practice so he can stay out longer. Have fun with your friends, we don't need you home early.

If he changes his mind and wants to stay I will be the best wife a man could ask for because I know where I messed up. If he goes then the next man in my life is going to benefit from these past 10 years.

If there is't another man for a while I will date and enjoy myself and learn to live single. I haven't been single for more than a few months since I was 16.

It's time to take back the power.


Me: 33 / H: 36
M: 10y / T: 14y
3 kids
BD: 2/22/14
Live in separation 3/8/14
H consult lawyer, says filing asap 4/24/14
H moved out 4/25/14
2nd time around. 1st separation 4y ago lasted a month
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 386
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Something I realized this morning:

I was trying to get up to go somewhere. The kids were piled on top of me and no matter what I did they weren't moving fast enough for me (this actually happens quite often, no one wants to be the first to move). I really don't like being pinned down when I want to get up. It makes me angrier the longer it takes to convince them to move and I even get a slice of panic of I am pinned in such a way that I can't breathe (like when we are tickling or something on the floor).

I think H is probably feeling the same way. He wants to get up and go do what he has in his mind. If I am sitting there, unmoving, unyielding, not giving him his space to get up and move or even his space to breathe then he gets angrier at me. He gets more annoyed at me. And when he eventually can move he is moving as fast as he can away from me to get anywhere at that point.


Me: 33 / H: 36
M: 10y / T: 14y
3 kids
BD: 2/22/14
Live in separation 3/8/14
H consult lawyer, says filing asap 4/24/14
H moved out 4/25/14
2nd time around. 1st separation 4y ago lasted a month
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 2,595
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I really like that analogy praying!


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
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Originally Posted By: praying_in_GA
Thanks Georgia. That's what I was thinking. If he wants to go then he can go. If he wants to stay then he can stay. I am stronger today.

I am done with this sad, depressed, crying, baby crap. If he wants to leave then let him. I am going to be a healthy, strong, confident person from now on. I know there will be trying times in the future. Times when I want to shrivel back up into a ball and become the unattractive mess I have been and I will have to dig deep to deal with those times as they come.

Wednesday I am going to tell him to enjoy his afternoon out. I will take D8 to practice so he can stay out longer. Have fun with your friends, we don't need you home early.

If he changes his mind and wants to stay I will be the best wife a man could ask for because I know where I messed up. If he goes then the next man in my life is going to benefit from these past 10 years.

If there is't another man for a while I will date and enjoy myself and learn to live single. I haven't been single for more than a few months since I was 16.

It's time to take back the power.


You sound great in this post. I can relate, I said these exact things to myself! You will have strong days and then you'll have those down days but they don't seem to last as long as time goes by. Mine left and I am stronger since he's not there anymore. I too have not been single since I was that age. I moved out at 17 from my parents house and in with H #1 and then H#2 (the one in MLC) moved in right away after my first D. Time to find yourself and your own identity. It takes time but it's good for us to be on our own awhile. I think you're right - the next relationship will benefit from what we've learned about this and ourselves. smile hang in there!


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
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