Stuff From My World

[tadpole1025]

Thanks for the kind words Eric and Heather. I am doing better to an extent I guess.

I do believe that I am much better as far as XW is concerned. I'm to the point of not even caring anymore. She continues to wonder why I won't talk to her....as I said: I just don't care. I'm beginning to think that she just might be a full-blown idiot.

My biggest problems now are just life-related.....just dealing with the aftermath of her destruction and trying to rebuild. So tough. I've been toying with the idea of getting back on the radio, but just don't know if I have it in me anymore. Not sure I can be "Mr hip-happening party boy dj" anymore.....

Time will tell.

Tad

[ericmsant2]

Dude

I've been toying with the idea of getting back on the radio

I think this is a great idea. I say go for it man! Hell, if you could negotiate a nice contract for me, I'd join ya. We could be the next howard and robin. What..would that make me robin?

On a serious note, it takes a while to recover from the destruction that is usually caused by a divorce.

Step by step brother...step by step.

You may not see it right now, but I can...you are moving forward.

BTW, saw a pic of your pets on the alt. They are cute.

[tadpole1025]

Haha. Yes Eric. You would have to be Robin.

It will be tough getting back in though. So many cutbacks in radio these days. I will consider it though. Who knows???

As for my pets.....I actually had them tattooed on my arm yesterday. I've got a pic of it on my FB page. It isn't anything really fancy, but I wanted it done so I'll always have them....

Tad

[tadpole1025]

Hey everyone. In my attempt to get some sort of normalcy back into my life, I've decided to write all of my friends pre MLC a letter. As many of you know, I pretty much withdrew from everything and everybody.

Anyways, I have wrote them a quick little letter, but have not sent it yet. I'm wondering if I even should. I thought I would post it here to see what everyone thinks:

To all of my friends:

If you received this, it is because I consider you a friend. I wanted to write a short note and apologize for not keeping in touch with all of you. I've thought about writing this for a while now and wasn't sure if I should. If you don't feel like reading this, I'll understand.

Some of you know more about what I've been through the last few years than others, but let me just say that it is more crap than one single person should have to deal with in such a short amount of time. I did it though. The life I had is gone. Would I like to get back on the air someday? If you would have asked me a year ago, the answer would have been no. Today, I think that I might want to give it a try in some capacity, but for now, I'm driving a taxi cab and living in a two bedroom apartment in Glendale with my sons.

I also owe Scotty O and Natalie big thanks. In the beginning, they were there for me at 2 or 3 in the morning when I needed a sounding board. True friends. It may have been nothing to them, but it meant everything to me. Thanks to Linda and Russ too.

I won't give any details about my little adventure, but if you would like to know, just ask. I don't mind talking about it. I'm changed and for the better I think/hope. I'm a better father for sure.

I didn't keep in touch because I withdrew from life. It was nothing against you. There were days that I never even left my bedroom. I didn't do it intentionally though. It just happened. I couldn't help it. The stuff that I went through really messed me up. I went into severe depression, was put on meds and had two doctors tell me that my blood pressure was so high that I shouldn't have even been walking. As I said, I was a mess.

Today, I'm better. I'm not 100% yet, but I'm slowly getting there. I'm slowly getting back to life I guess. Anyways, I wanted to apologize for dropping out of sight and not keeping in touch. I'm sorry if I bored you with this letter, but I wanted it said. Take care. I hope to hear from you soon.

Darrin/Jeff/Westy
(I've got way too many names.)

Thoughts? Should I send it?

Tad

[MrBond]

My thought is for you to not send it. It will actually drive people away rather than get them closer to you. It comes across as you wanting their pity. It would make them feel uncomfortable.

Instead, how about calling a few of your closest friends first and ask if they want to go out one night. Don't talk about the stuff that went on. You can tell them that you had to go through some challenges and leave it at that. If they want to go deeper, you can let out more information a little at a time. But don't give them such a sad story that they won't want to be around you.

Start with one friend at a time. I think you need to transition yourself back into relationships with people slowly.

[job]

Tad,
I agree w/Mr. Bond. I wouldn't send the letter, but I would call one of your friends up and start from there. Don't go into all of what has transpired, keep the conversation light and simple. It's one step at a time.

[ericmsant2]

I agree with Bond.

Sending it comes across as needy.

It is another example of words vs actions.

If you want to rekindle friendships...start by just reaching out with a call or a much shorter note like "hey how are you".

[tadpole1025]

Yeah, I agree with all of you. That is why I posted it here. I wasn't sure about it. I will start with just a few at a time with just a very short email.

I had some really bad anxiety last night and I'm not sure why. I was in bed with the tv on watching Apollo 13. Well, it was in the background while I was dozing off. It just hit me. I felt like I wanted to jump out of my skin.

I've decided that I want a new job. Radio? Maybe. We'll see.....

XW is furious right now. Back in February, she invited all four off our boys to her place for Easter. S19 and S21 told her that they will be spending it with me. S23 and S28 are undecided because of work, but more than likely, they will be with me. XW is upset because she said S19 gave her the impression that he would be with her when she asked in February. Honestly, he told her that he didn't know yet. She is upset because they really don't want anything to do with her new husband/house/life. I still feel bad for her, but not as much as I used to. I guess she is starting to see some of the consequences. S21 and S23 have still not met OM or been to her place. She is getting p!ssed/impatient I guess.

When I asked S21 why he wasn't going, his response was:

"My answer was no from the beginning. It's always been no and she knows that. She knows why."

Wow.

I didn't press any further and dropped it. I think S21 and S19 were hurt the most through this.

She was also texting S21 the other night and complaining what a "sh!tty and horrible" day she had. I guess life really isn't all flowers and butterflies....

Tad

[AJM]

Hey Tad. Good to see you posting!

I agree with the others - call the friends and hang out with them. A letter is good for your thoughts, but a little impersonal in a way. Take the step and call 'em. They'll be happy to hear from you.

I'm glad to hear you are considering a new job, and radio at that. Whatever you do, enjoy it and put your all into it. I'm sure you will.

As for the ex. She and the boys will have to work things out on their own. You know that though, and you've been supportive of them - all of them. I think that says a lot about you, and I'm happy to see it.

What you've been missing in the bigger picture is that things aren't the way other people depict them. Their "mask" so to speak. When you meet somebody on the street, keep in mind that they may appear happy or "together" when inside they may not be those things at all. We all have struggles and there's no telling what somebody else is struggling with.

Like we do with everyone, we wish them the best. We get involved when appropriate. But we always wish our fellow travelers the best because that could just as easily be us on any given day.

How's the Monday meetings going? Any luck with getting some healthcare benefits? Through the state or otherwise? Anxiety attacks sound like something that might benefit from some professional assistance, right?

Cheers!

AJ

[MrBond]

And why are you still posting about your XW? Your post should have been more news about your positives and less about her negatives.