Heather, If you have already apologized to the crazy mother, then don't do it again. She knows just what buttons to push and wants you to feel guilty, let her stew.
Oh, I definitely think that there is more going on in that household than meets the eye. I wouldn't be surprised if there isn't some abuse going on. Whenever a parent puts on that special act in front of others, it can be very telling. Observe from afar and really listen to what she's saying to him. His behavior around her is telling.
Now, about your h, it's good that he wants to come back and visit w/his daughter. Heather, it's time to let him go completely. He knows that you are still hanging on and hanging on to his every missive. Cut the cord and keep the focus on you, your children and your work. If God intends for him to return and the two of you to reconcile, it won't happen until both of you have faced your fears and issues and accepted that there are some things that you can't change because they weren't your fault.
Keep the focus on you and what you need to do today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Dont apologize again to CC. You may have made a small error by not discussing first - and she needs time to cool down
the pain of being rejected by someone you love is enormous. Take it easier on yourself, this pain may take years to work through. I know how bad this pain hurts.
When I am clear and focused on myself and my kids it is so crystal clear that xH leaving us has very very little to do with me.
Keep your side of the street clean
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
When you really let Smokey go, after a while he will likely try and get into your life. That is what happened to me, and I didn't want it any more.
When you let go you really see how crazy they are - not with your head but with your heart.
As for the mother - you are the professional, and you are doing a good job. She is undermining you in part because you are succeeding where she isn't. And I agree - something not right there. Focus on the child - and stand your ground on the film.
I know the reality, he doesn't even want himself, so how can he want me? But, I still see some of the man I knew and it hurts. __________________
Truly this isn't letting go. It is understandable, but you are still very bound up with him, very emotionally involved with the situation. This is not meant to criticise or judge - we all know how hard it is.
Letting go is a process. It takes conscience effort to re pattern your thoughts. How much of what you're feeling is abandonment? Is it really that you want him back or is it difficult facing the void that was created including fear, loneliness and sadness?
I faced all of the above. It hurts, a lot, when our spouse leaves, especially when another person is involved. I spent months feeling empathy and compassion for someone who dumped his family without a thought. I helped him justify it, too, by buying into all of the lies and ridiculous reasons he had for doing it. By detaching I was able to see the truth. As my self esteem returned I spent less time thinking about him and much more time living my life my way. I eventually got to a point where I value myself and my life so much that I won't waste another second on someone who doesn't want me. He's just one person and his view of me is meaningless. How he feels may be important to him, but not to me.
We all have some degree of narcissism in our makeup. It's how we're wired. It's easy to think what someone says or does is about us. Truly it's not. It's about them. So let go of your h knowing that you did your very best with the skills you had. You are precious and lovable no matter who comes and goes from your life. This is always true. Embrace this truth and move forward creating and enjoying a wonderful life.
