husband wants to bring kids around ow

[Georgiabelle]

Twin mom,

No letter. I'm sorry you find yourself here. I can only imagine how stressful it is being pregnant dealing with this very stressful situation.

I may sound harsh. You want to write a letter to you h who is living with another woman while you are pregnant with his child to apologize for your mood swings? No. No. No. We all make mistakes. All Rs have issues and it's great that you recognize some things you need to work on for YOU. That's great!

Your h has made a very adult decision with consequences. It's nice that he helps you as I'm sure that makes things slightly easier for you. However , back off and focus on yourself and the kids. Don't try to analyze everything he does. He could be doing things due to guilt and I'm sure he does care about you and the kids.

However, back off. Have zero expectations. You will get exactly where you need to get if you stay focused.

[Starsky309]

NO LETTER.

You've gotten EXCEPTIONAL advice here in the past 24 hours. I hope you'll follow it.

Starsky

[twinmom]

Thank you everyone, yes I am following it already. I never responded to his text yesterday about spend $32 from joint account and this morning he text again asking how I was feeling and the twins. I waited 3 hours then relayed the info about fevers/coughs/runny noses. He responded back asking more sickness related questions but I don't plan on responding till tonight if at all.

I will not be writing that letter just consistently doing the 180 and detaching/distancing because train is right who wants a door mat?

[twinmom]

Just keeping myself on track here........
I got a text asking if I had any plans today. NOT going to respond to that!

[Train]

Geeeeez Louise. He's relentless with the texting!

I'm thankful you decided against the letter.

Hope everyone starts feeling better in a hurry!

[twinmom]

Oh his texting is non stop.... I didn't respond to the "have any plans?" Text so I got another one (mind you he is driving back from a mini vaca with her) saying he will be back in town in an hour can he spend some time with the twins.

I waited about 45 min and replied with a simple "we have plans" to which I got "ok! Well if there is any time before bed I can see them let me know" I never replied

I then get a text saying he was sorry he didn't put the stroller back in the van and I had to go the weekend without it (I never said a word to him about it) and he asked if I needed him to bring it by. I didn't reply....... an hour later I get another text asking if I need the stroller.... waiting a while and then plan on a simple "no" reply.....

I keep telling myself NOT to read into his motives on so much contact..... distance and detatch!!!!

[twinmom]

Joe, I asked you very nicely to please stop asking me for the twins last minute like this. We had an agreement last week on when you would pick them up. This situation is hard for everyone but these are the choices you made.


So last week I tried to set some boundaries with regards to random texts asking for time with the twins
Yesterday he asked for time with them in the afternoon/evening, I ignored and waited to reply that we were busy.
Today I get a text saying he is leaving work early (grrrrrrrrrr he NEVER did this during our marriage) and he would like to pick up the twins from the babysitter till I get home or dinner.
Ugh! He loves his kids but what "natural" consequences of divorce does he have if he sees them whenever he feels like it? Gets his "family" time then alone time with her?
This is the message I sent back

[twinmom]

Grrrr he refuses to follow the agreed upon schedule! He wants the kids when he feels like it and won't stop!

How do I respond without being the evil one

[Starsky309]

How do I respond without being the evil one

Start by making the decision that, from this day forward, "Mamabear" will do what's best for her cubs, his feelings about you being "evil" or anything else be damned.

In my own sitch, once I decided to stop doing things from a perspective of "If I do this, how will she (my wife) respond? How will her reaction make ME feel? Will she be angry??" . . . and instead ask myself, "What is the RIGHT thing to do here in this situation? What is the thing that God Himself would have me do, if He were standing right in front of me?"

THAT was liberating (not to mention appropriate).

Starsky

[Train]

Yeah. Starsky backed me up on this issue in my own sitch the other day, twinmom.

I had to start placing some boundaries on H's times with the kids when he started trying to spend more and more time here and/or with them than we had originally agreed on.

Establishing a firm schedule does not make you evil. It makes you smart. And it will help YOU - and your PMA - to have that set, predictable schedule. It negates the need for half the texts he's sending, and I do believe it will help you detach if you're not hearing from him as often as he's been in touch.

It's the smart thing to do. Plain and simple.