We have been married over 2 years, have almost 2yr old twins and I am 24weeks pregnant. Twins pregnancy was planned, this one was not but he seemed very happy about it at first. Found out he wasn't happy in marriage first week of February. Started counseling, found out third week of February he was having affair (that supposedly started first week of Feb) he moved in with her March 13th. He now wants visits with the kids to be at her house instead of him coming here. I am speaking with a coach but due to cost have to be careful how often. I am trying to detach but it's hard. He says he wants divorce asap and she is in his life for the long term. When I tried to set boundaries of not taking kids to her house he gets angry and says he will file asap (this is the only time he shows me anger, mostly it's just coldness. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
ABSOLUTELY NOT you don't let those kids go there! This is WAY too early to expose them to another woman . . . any good FT (family therapist) worth their salt will tell you at LEAST 6 months to a year before even a formally SEPARATED/DIVORCED couple bring another man or woman around the kids.
Is your husband in any other ways unstable? This sounds like an awfully reckless thing to do so soon after marriage and having kids? Any other addiction issues with him (other than the affair, which are HIGHLY addictive).
Just seems like there might be more to the story here, Twinmom. I'm so sorry you're going thru this.
He says he wants divorce asap and she is in his life for the long term. When I tried to set boundaries of not taking kids to her house he gets angry and says he will file asap . . .
Tell him "Do what you feel you need to do; I do not want a divorce yet." And then make an appt. to go see a GOOD family law attorney (or two) asap, to better understand what your (and his!) rights and responsibilities are here. Doesn't mean you have to FILE or anything, but information is power.
He had a gambling problem about 8 years ago but hasn't gambled at all in the past 4 years. This is the only reckless thing with the kids....... I don't think he is thinking straight. He said at first we could be legally married for at least a year to provide insurance for me and my two kids from my first marriage who we cover. He threatened that if I won't allow twins at her house then he will file asap and cut its off from insurance.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
My db coach advised that I find articles both pro /con for him keeping the kids at her place overnight. I eventually agreed to a trial period.... she met his family tonight. That is hard, he says he wants to marry her within a year and he went out and purchased cribs/car seats for her house and her car. I wonder if it is really over.
Even he came to pick up the twins tonight I was "ready" to go out. More makeup than I have ever really worn (I don't wear any on a daily basis) and wearing a cute dress with jewelry. Totally not my typical style. He asked about my evening and "if I was going somewhere fun" I was mysterious about it and he told me to have a great time. I said I would, gave the twins a hug and kiss and said bye.
I don't want to give up but I think it makes his guilt go away if he thinks I am happy. I am completely faking it and want my marriage back more than anything
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr! My best friend who has been silent through all of this sent my husband a text lashing into him for flaunting the ow and their love and hurting me and the kids. He called me and said he doesn't think he has been hurtful and I said I didn't want to discuss anything. That all I am going to say is I don't want a divorce and that's it, have a wonderful day. He goes on and on about how I must be living in a dream world to think he isn't going to divorce me and does he need to file today to prove to me he is serious? I just kept saying thank you for giving me the gift of time to make myself the best person/mother I can be. And finally he hung up on me. Then sent Mr a text saying I was making him crazy.
ADVICE PLEASE!!!!!
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr! My best friend who has been silent through all of this sent my husband a text lashing into him for flaunting the ow and their love and hurting me and the kids. He called me and said he doesn't think he has been hurtful and I said I didn't want to discuss anything.
My favorite way to respond this kind of thing is to say "Yes, this is very difficult on all of us" (acknowledging the seriousness of the situation, but without giving in to pitying HIM or playing woe-is-me, either), and specifically about the friend "Yes, well that must be hard for you to hear, but unfortunately we don't control our friends and family, and we don't get to decide how they choose to react to what's going on."
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
