Let It Go

[Georgiabelle]

BK,

I'm sorry this was a difficult exchange for you. Why do they look at you like you are crazy? Well, you are focusing on living your life and raising the children you had with your h. Neither your xh or his shiny new gf can relate to the focusing on the children aspect.

My h's gf said she rescued him. I couldn't stifle a chuckle. Right now she has *rescued* a 41 year old man who acts 14 and whose own d refuses to spend the night at his apartment because her Dad is so weird. I'm not exactly sure what she rescued:-)

Just remember, your h is still angry about.....,whatever. He's angry that you have moved on. He's angry that you are raising the kids. He's angry that it's Sunday. Still, I understand that it hurts. You had a family with this man.

You are doing great! Enjoy those beautiful girls.

[BklynMom]

Thanks so much ladies. Your words are so powerful. I am gonna reread them all week.

I have a really hard time not being liked even if I'm not liked by a jerk.

It is something that makes me very uncomfortable and rather then focus on myself I focus on getting the other person to like me.

(Just writing it makes me see what a bad strategy this is)

I also do this at work and while it has led to a fair amount of success I think it prevents me from moving up to my potential because I don't want to step on someone's toes and have them dislike me.

I want to beat my ex and his girlfriend and a debate and have them admit that I right and they are wrong.

Just want to post that my cousin who left her h and kids 2 yrs ago. (She had joint custody but they live with her husband). Admitted to my mother this weekend that she doesn't think she did the right thing by leaving. It only took her 2 1/2 years.

[beatrice]

Hi, just hang on to the thought 'What kind of woman sleeps with a married man'

You know, when I was young and hot and single I wouldn't have ever needed to think of married men. There were so many single and attractive guys out there (not so much these days at 55+ but that is another story )

So in every way these women are losers. Helping to bring up another person's kids? While the mother is still in the picture? I don't think so.

Everything I have heard about these sitches tells me that it isn't the lovely little paradise they both hope for. And guess what - they can blame you!

As to the needing to be liked. This needs work. it is good to be a nice person, but remember the Katie Byron - Your business, other's people's business and God's business. Just keep your own side of the street clean and all else will fall into place.

It might be helpful to reflect on what in your upbringing caused you to need to be liked? Our self worth takes a huge knock when our spouse walks out, but we have to come back from this blow, although I admit it took me forever.

[juliegayle]

Yup yup yup to what everyone said. I am so sorry you had a hard time. But look at these 2 people with clear eyes. Does it really matter what they think?

Heather mentioned that alcoholics project. I am still learning about the disease. I had been thinking that most of the anger and projection we coming from h as WAS or MLC ER. This is an important piece to remember.

And look at it this way. Something good came out of the interaction. You are able to continue to learn about yourself and your triggers and move forwRd. So maybe be grateful to them for being a$$es. ( ha. I am trying to train myself to think this way so not there yet.)

[BklynMom]

Thank you guys so much.

I keep rereading everyone's posts throughout my day.

One thing this has taught me is I can not bury my feelings. I need to feel the
And figure out what is under them which is what you guys are helping me do.

[BklynMom]

The movie Boyhood - so good!! Check it out

[Mighty]

I have read your sitch earlier in my journey. Since the unveiling of the most recent even in my journey, I find that things I read before have a new meaning. Going back and looking at your thread, I have found more similarities that have jumped out at me. These seem minor, but really, in our shoes, really impact our lives.

You stated, "...my father was not at all available while I grew up. We barely had a relationship. He got sober when I was 16 & today I have the greatest dad ever I would not be as positive today as I am without his guidance."

and

"I also dont drink any more which I think has really been an amazing overall mood enhancer. When I rarely have 1 drink in the evening I feel it when I wake up and wonder how I was regularing drinking 2-3 glasses a night."

Anyway, I just found that interesting. You are amazing and an inspiration for me. How we keep it together sometimes is a miracle in itself! And the audasity of these ow.... oh please!

[BklynMom]

Thanks mighty. It's nice to hear that you can relate to my posts. It really gives me a boast.

Gm I thought so much about your words "who cares if they think you are a b"

I don't know why I give a sh!t but I really feel this need to convince him I am not a b!tch. It's insane.

I have given in to him on so many things in the hope of convincing him that I am not a b!tch

I gave up alimony. I agreed to the sale of a rental property below what we owed on the mortgage - all because I didn't want to fight with him and be subtly call a b!tch for not agreeing with him

So now we have one more joint brokerage acct that he has asked me to split. I emailed back to him and said "sorry for my hesitation in getting this done but maybe could we keep the account entact and since it need both our signatures could we use it for the kids college?"

A week later he wrote back "I am not comfortable with that"

I am considering writing him back "why does that make you uncomfortable"

I really don't want to split this acct cause right now we have 30,000 for college. If we split it he will spend his half on vacations.

My xh is so so bad with money right now it's insane. Of course he blames his lack of funds on me but he pays the percentage as everyone else.

What do you guys think of that repsonse

[wishing, hoping]

I say be a B*tch. It's your account too.

Unless court says you have to liquidate it and split it keep it for your kids. But he will fight you tooth and nail to get his hands on That money.

But ultimately you can't control what he does with his half. Have you talked to a lawyer? He can't get that money unless you sign off right?

Just be aware things will get ugly when there is money involved. J owes me $3000 and I have gotten $100. I am not convinced I will ever see that money.

WH

[Georgiabelle]

Hi BK,

You are a wonderful mother who has really evolved over the last couple of years. I think you can look at this in a couple of ways. While I understand your h may spend it on vacations, that's really his poor judgment that you can't control. On the other hand, you could say "I'm not comfortable splitting the account."

Don't know what the divorce decree said so not sure where that factors in. However, just know you are not being an evil wench. Just looking out for you and your girls!