Let It Go

[sayitaintso]

Hey Bk

I had/still have trouble with self criticism and beating myself up to much.

What if one of your friends or one of us on here made a similar mistake, what would you say to us? Would you beat us up about it?

What if one of your daughters made a mistake like that?

Don't you deserve the same love and compassion that you would give others?

[Rick1963]

Challenge how you think about stuff. I.e you are not a failure because of one mistake. It is irrational to think that. You probably do good work all of the time. But you dont go around patting yourself in the back as a result. Have you ever thought why not? Why we focus so hard on mistakes?

[BklynMom]

I know you guys are right. But man was I feeling it the other day.

It retrospect I learned a lot from it because I actually realized how hard I have been on myself my whole life and how destructive it has been.

Rick - I really have no idea why I would focus so much energy on my f-ups. No idea.

SIAS - if my daughters messed up I would forgive them and still believe they are the most wonderful creatures in the universe. Maybe one day I could do that for myself.

Hopefully the next time it wont be as bad.

[Portia]

BM,

I absolutely get being hard on yourself.

No one beats me up more than me. Seems I am not alone in that.

The thing is that we all make mistakes and others will understand that. We are harder on ourselves than others will ever be on us.

In this past year and a half my work ethic has slid, not intentionally but from workaholic to a normal work day. I make it worse for myself as I beat myself up over the slide. And then the other day, out of the blue, one of my higher ups complimented me on my reports - said he loved to read them and always got a chuckle and read them first before anyone else's reports. His compliments not only made my week but reminded me how much of my perceived failure is in my own head.

And BM, so you made a mistake - I am betting that you acknowledged it, fixed it and in the end handled it like a pro. And that shows your value - not letting the mistake define your work.

Now, if only I could take my own advice.....

[labug]

Labug, your question really puzzled me and I am very curious to know what you are getting at, because I have no clue.

Today at work I had a pretty big f-up. It messed up. I cant let it. I dont understand why I f-ed it up. It was such a simple thing but I had a lot going on at the moment and I dropped the ball.

I am beating myself up and realize how much I beat myself up about stuff.

I know I am not perfect but this mess up was 101 and am pissed at myself and embarrassed. I feel like a loser.

How do I let it go? I really dont know.

Alanon people say "say the serenity prayer" ... not working

Only thing that kind of helps is reminding myself that Tom Brady and Payton Manning both have lost big big games but they come back and play the next time. And they turn it on. This analogy helps.

Love you all for reading and listening. I wont have made it with out you

"What is your mind trying to tell you that may not be true?"

It seemed that you were creating a story about XH/OW's R based on his buying a car. Those kinds of thoughts can often snowball in our brains and leave us twisting and with expectations.

About your being so critical with yourself, we are sisters in that shite, too. I could obsess for hours on one little mistake. It also made me super critical of others.

Being more compassionate with me and silencing that (untrue)judge voice has made me more compassionate with others.

It's a practice, but I challenge it every time it starts up.
It works. ((( )))

[BklynMom]

Thanks Portia and Lbug

Yes labug you are right I am making up a total story about his relationship that I shouldnt even care or be thinking about. Thats why I write about it here. Sometimes I am too embarrassed when I create these stories in my head to even admit to them on these boards. I get embarassed that close to 3 years later I care.

It makes me feel lame that I care about him and it makes me feel lame that I care that he rejected me.

Portia - I can totally relate to how you have become less of a work aholic - me too. And its been for the most part a huge blessing. I am able to let go of work when I leave work. What a miracle.

I had my 2nd session this weekend with a hypnotist. I started going 2 weeks ago to really focus on stopping pulling my hair out. This week she wanted me to relive the moment I realized that I f-up this week. She wanted me to imagine that moment again so we could change the pattern. It was awful to relive the pain I imposed on myself.

She really was pushing me to be kinder to myself for messing up but I could only focus on going back in time and fixing my error.

This need for perfection is something I really really need to work on.

Life is good. I am so lucky

[praying_in_GA]

Oh my gosh, beating yourself up... In that I can relate! I relive and rehash and replay my bad moments over and over again until I'm ready to curl into a ball for life. I am sorry you made a mistake but pull yourself up and move on.

And labug, making up stories out of small items is all me as well. Thank you for the reminder to stop letting my mind run away from reality.

[Georgiabelle]

Brooklyn Mom,

Just catching up. Everyone makes mistakes. Reliving them doesn't change them. I've made some whoppers in my life as we all have and I cringe to think about them. Let it go and think about how awesome you are. I think the hypnotist is a great idea. I hope that helps with the hair pulling.

In regards to caring, I know we talk about detachment and just how important it is . I think when we have procreated with someone there is always a little extra something in our minds. I mean.....you love this person (or what he was) and have children with him. So, sometimes our minds wander a bit.

Give yourself a hug today:-)

[BklynMom]

My xH told me tonight that he is moving in with his girlfriend. What a shocker. When he told me I just said okay, do you have my check for this month.

I am over him.

I have felt really good the past week or two and while it did sting hearing that he is moving in with his accomplice in the breakup of our marriage, I do feel glad that I am not living with him. It does sting to know that my girls will look to her as a surogot mother on weekends especially because she has no morals but I am not surprised.

Thank God I have these boards and I know what to expect before even he does.

[Georgiabelle]

I'm sorry. Yes, that must sting. However , you seem to be doing really well and staying focused on you and the kids.

Hang in there:)