You have to think positive! When you think positive, positive things come your way.
Of course, they did things together and where joined at the hip, but the dew is slowly dripping off the rose and soon, the poor rose will wither and die.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you, Job. I am trying to concentrate on the positives, rather than the negatives. I am really disappointed about Easter because it is a very special holiday for me and if H has the kids for three weekends in a row, Easter will be old hat by the time I get the kids back and give them their Easter baskets. I will try to make it fun for them, but I can't help but be disappointed. I miss them already.
I will do my best to think positive. But it's hard to be positive when dealing with someone like H. LOL!
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
WH, Does your visitation agreement state that you switch off for the different holidays, i.e., this year, he has them Easter, next year you have them for Easter?
Why not celebrate Easter with them early, rather than later? Sometimes we have to do things to accommodate crazy schedules and we have to change dates, etc., to celebrate those special times w/the children.
Just some food for thought.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, I get them next Easter and I have had them the past two years for Easter. I would celebrate Easter early, but that weekend we are having S's birthday party so it will be a crazy weekend. PLUS soccer season starts and makes things even crazier.
I will make it work. I know I will. I just am sad about this whole thing. I am sure if I had the kids 12 days in a row H would raise a ruckus. I emailed my attorney to get his take on it. I thought things like that were not supposed to happen.
I need to get busy on planning S's party. Time is a wastin'.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
yeah, OW is going to watch the kids? Your ex can handle them for 12 days?
Um. Right.
Can I suggest however that you build in a delay before you answer your ex the next time he asks for help with the kids? The reason for that is to take that pressure off of you and to keep you from being so available from his perspective.
That will help you to disentangle from his ups and downs more and more, and will help him to understand his responsibilities (at least a little more).
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Idk AJ. I think he would take them just to keep them away from me out of spite. Maybe not. But I am thinking he will. Can he handle them? Can OW handle them? No and no. But that won't stop him.
I am just back to being despondent. But that's on me. I need to learn to roll with these punches. I hate this back and forth business. I didn't sign up for this. The kid's did not ask for this. Ugh.
There are days when the load is so heavy.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
WH, you and I have been at this about the same amount of time. Although our situations are completely different they both continue to deteriorate at a rapid pace. I understand the days of despondency when you ask yourself why you keep getting punished because of your h's actions. Friday was that day for me. I thought I had a final settlement only to get blindsided by a new condition of the agreement. Even though I ultimately agreed, with a new condition of my own, it all may fall apart. I'm sick of this. I hate that xh keeps finding ways to drag this out and control me. Your h seems to do the same. They both value money over and above anyone or anything which makes them impossible to negotiate with. We both need to end this as quickly as possible or we will never have peace. I'm really sorry for what you're going through.
keeps finding ways to drag this out and control me. Your h seems to do the same. They both value money over and above anyone or anything which makes them impossible to negotiate with. We both need to end this as quickly as possible or we will never have peace
No, WH, your kids did not sign up for this. Kids do not have a choice. I am truly sorry they have to go through this. I'm sorry you do as well, but for you there will be a happier ending.
In the grand scheme of things, the MLCr doesn't value money over other things, per se. That's the action. What they value is control. Above all else. It's how they stave off the depression. Or one way at any rate. In much the same way, it's been my experience that the LBS does the same. The more control that gets taken, the more "it hurts" and seems "crazy".
There is only one thing you control. All else is not in your control. You can influence with rational people, but until you realize that you cannot control your ex or his actions, it will cause you difficulty. Until you realize, once again, that your ex is clinging to that life raft of control for all they are worth, you won't have that peace you are craving.
But once you do see it and accept it, it starts to fall into place.
They will covet and protect and scratch and bite and do whatever they can to gain that control. The question becomes if you will react to it? Or if you'll set your own pace and your own rhythm.
WH, GM - it sux to have to go through this and learn these things. It sux for you, for the kids and for everything and everyone that your ex's come into contact with. At some point, until they learn their lesson (or if in some cases), they are like a vortex that will suck you and everything near them in.
You are dealing with someone that has a deep, irrational fear. Someone who is not rational. Your expectations should follow accordingly. Expect them to try and control. Expect them to be irrational. Expect nothing else from them. You won't be disappointed if you do.
There is only one thing you control. Change that, and it becomes much much better for you and for your kids.
In the end, because there are kids, it does not "end". Rather, you end it by controlling you and how you act, think, feel, etc.
I live in the same world. I have kids with my ex. My ex still, as recently as today, tries to directly and indirectly control and lash out at me. The only thing that has really changed is me.
WH, the more you back away, the more he'll try to hold onto you. GM, it's the same for you. For all of us. That's not rational. You can't negotiate with an irrational person. But you can change you.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
