Thanks for making me a fighter...

[wishing, hoping]

Yes, Wonka, H is very protective about his money. VERY. I know if I told H I wanted no money from him whatsoever, he would be happy to give me the kids and just plop a few dollars in my direction here and there. Maybe.

The court order stated that bonus was supposed to go into my attorney's trust. H did not do that. The only thing I could possibly be in contempt about in H's mind is that I am not paying enough of the food service bill or daycare bill or that I have not reimbursed him for expenses. I explained to my attorney I will not reimburse H for food service and we have traded expenses and no one owes anything except he possibly owes me.

But I don't want to go into a huge fight about this but H will not do the right thing. I don't know how I am going to get him to pay me support from these bonuses. H says the bonuses are figured into his income which child support is based on. But all bonuses are to be split 50/50. So this adds to the confusion which H has created.

UGH!

WH

[kml]

The bonus is based on his earnings LAST YEAR. He was not paying you child support last year. That bonus is considered part of his compensation for 2013, a part that you are entitled to a portion of as you were still married throughout 2013.

Going forward, his annual income is calculated based on his income and average bonuses. That's the number used for child support.

My H and I split in January, and when his annual bonus came in in March for the previous year, he had to give me half.

Now, I understand WHY he feels it is double dipping. He's thinking of the bonus as part of THIS year's income instead of LAST year's income. But in the eyes of the court (and the IRS) that bonus money was earned in 2013.

[kml]

P.S. if he had his own attorney, they could explain this to him!

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks KML. I will follow my attorney's lead on this one.

D did a spectacular job in the ballet tonight. She was a little trouper. She went to school all day and was at the theatre from 4:00 until after 10:00. She loved it. She looked perfect. Her hair didn't turn out as nice but considering I had 15 minutes to do it, it looked pretty darn good. After 6 hours the other little girls' hair fell and D's stayed in so it was all the same by the time they got on stage.

S was bored. Lol. He's apparently not a fan of ballet. He sucked it up for his sister. H was surprisingly pleasant but I stayed away from him for the most part. During intermission S walked around and I was by H. We didn't say one word to each other. You could have cut the tension with a knife. But in the second act when D came on stage she just looked so adorable and so precious I squealed. H and I beamed with pride at each other. Things were better after that. A hint of the old bond if you will.

But it's been a long day. H ended up buying a half dozen roses but told me he got them at the grocery store for 4 dollars. Whatever. It's fine. It wasn't too over the top. I think carnations and daisies would have been better but meh. It's fine.

H wanted S to be with him this afternoon while I was at the theatre with D. But S didn't want to be with H. H came by to pick up S and S told him he wanted to stay with me. H didn't like that.

He's losing control of his world.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

Okay y'all

I know I can vent here. I know you guys "get it". So I will lay it out there.

I have had a great day with the kids. S went to his GF's soccer game this morning so D and I snuggled and watched movies. After S got home we went shopping to get some things for S. His birthday is coming up so I got him a new case for the phone H bought him and some new shoes and jeans and a new shirt. I told him I would get him some luggage too. But we are still looking around for that. Then he picked out a new bike helmet so I might get him that as well. Stopped at Sonic for a coffee drink for S and me and a cherry limeade freeze for D. Then home for a yummy dinner of pasta Alfredo and edamame.

So S tells me when he got here Friday after school his jeans werent clean because H never did laundry and he was down to one pair of pants. He also told me he had no clean soccer shirts to wear to his game on Thursday. The last time S wore a practice shirt at H's was the Thursday before. So H hasn't done laundry since last Thursday?

What the heck is that all about? I hope my kid's don't have to start wearing dirty clothes on a regular basis. Should I suggest that S start washing his own clothes?

Thanks for listening.
WH

[beatrice]

wh - I gradually taught my kids to take care of themselves, and when they went away to school they were soooo grateful, and their wives/gfs are too. In fact my eldest son met a lot of girls because he could iron!

In an ideal world your h would do this stuff, but his head is somewhere else, as you know! So why not show your son how to do laundry? It will solve the problem without conflict, and give your son a life-skill. Also you know exactly how that machine works.

[job]

I agree w/Bea. It's good to teach them how to do laundry so that if something happens and the laundry doesn't get done, they can do their own and not get into an argument w/their father. Also, showing them some basic skills for cooking is helpful as well.

These small and yet useful skills will help them as they grow up and get out on their own, i.e., they don't have to come back to mom's to get their laundry done or rely on anyone else to do it for them.

As for your h not doing laundry...well, we all know he can't think about such things now. He's got money on the brain. LOL!

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks Beatrice and Job. Maybe this was just a fluke. I have shown S how to wash clothes so he knows. He's just very busy so he doesn't have a lot of time. That's what a parent is there for. But I will tell S when he gets home from school Wednesday if his dad hasn't washed his clothes to do it himself. Just his clothes. Not H's or D's. Just his.

S knows how to cook a bit. I will have him boil water to cook noodles or preheat the oven and put stuff in or brown meat. But like I said he's very busy.

We had a great weekend. D did fabulous in the ballet Friday night. Long day and a long night. But she loved it. Today we went to church and had a special brunch afterward. Then ordered S's birthday cake. It was a very nice day so the kids played outside while I cleaned out and organized my car. D made a homemade bird feeder and played with bubbles and D and S played badminton and soccer and flew a kite. We had a late lunch and then S went to youth group and D and I went to the laundromat. Dinner, showers and bed.

So it just dawned on me that according to our placement agreement H gets the kids all of spring break. From the end of the last day of school (which is his weekend) until Sunday of the end of vacation (which is supposed to be my weekend). And he gets Easter too (which is his Sunday). So he gets the kids three weekends in a row and 12 days without a day of placement for me. I am freaking out about this. But if the order reads this way I guess there is nothing I can do about it. I don't know how I am going to make it without having the kid's for 12 days. I can barely tolerate four.

I need some encouragement. H is probably getting a huge kick out of this.

WH

[job]

WH,
You never know...you just might have the kids some over the break. Twelve days is a long time and I seriously doubt that your h will be able to handle being a solo parent for that long.

Stay positive!

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks, Job.

I thought it states in our agreement that neither parent is to go more than 7 days without placement. So I am not sure how it will work. I can't imagine H will want a full 12 days straight, if only for the costs alone. I think what upsets me more is that in 19 days time I will only have the kids for 3 overnights. This stinks! Especially when the kids are having serious issues with H and OW.

This is just making me sick and I am trying to remember that it could just as easily be me who has them this amount of time. And I don't want to be selfish, but I am freaking out about it.

And H won't be a "solo parent" he will have OW as much or as little help as she is. You know what is funny? AT BD H told me we had nothing in common and never did anything. At the beginning of their relationship H and OW went everywhere. Kayaking, biking, whale watching, etc. Now they do nothing. Now she or H can't even do the laundry. This whole situation makes me physically ill.

I am really downtrodden right now.

WH