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Hello everyone

Having a productive weekend so far. I know it's just started, but it's a busy one for me.

But you know even though I have so much to do and lots of friends and tasks and GAL'ing I still miss my kids so much. I keep plugging through and focusing on me and enjoying "me" time which I never have gotten before. But I would give up all the me time in order to have my kids all the time. I try not to get bogged down in it but it is there.

Just trying to get my thoughts out. Working through them. I'll post more later. It's been a busy day.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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Lately I have started praying for H. Not for our marriage but for him to b be a better dad. I don't think it's working.

I came to D's dance to watch her and get any information needed for her performance next weekend. H said barely a half dozen words to me. So be it. D gave me lots of affection, hugs and kisses. I texted S to see if he felt better. He said he did. I asked him if he was going to church in the morning and be said no, H was making them go to OW's house. He said he didn't want to go. I told him that I was sorry, but I could do nothing about it and he needed to talk to his dad about it. He was angry and said dad was taking them asap.

I shouldn't be mad or upset and it has nothing to do with me as long as long as he has them back by tomorrow night when I pick them up.

I guess I am just venting. Even if I have the kids more H will still have them every other weekend. So I need to suck it up. I hate seeing the kid's upset.

On a better note, I found curtains for my room for only $4. I had a heck of a time hanging them on the rod I bought. But I did it. It totally changes the room. I also bought a rod for D's closet and hung up some of her nicer things. Organized her drawers too so now she can choose outfits all by herself. The closet looks so great now.

This place looks awesome. And I think the finances are coming together just swimmingly. I hope I'm not speaking too soon, but I think things are looking up.

Thanks for listening.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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WH,
I'm glad to see that you are finding some great deals and decorating your place, i.e., to make it a home for you and the kids.

Continue to pray for your h. It takes a long time for God to work on them. He does hear your prayers, but will do what he needs to do when the time is right.

As for your children, I'm sorry your h is not taking them to church, but to the ow's place. The more your son disagrees w/him, the more he'll be bound and determined to do what he wants, when he wants w/the kids.

Hang in there! In time, I pray it will get better for all of you.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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WH,

Sometimes prayers are not always answered immediately. Let karma work its way through H at its own pace.

It is good to see that your S and D both know that you're their rock and can count on you. I wouldn't be surprised if down the road S and your XH will clash big time when S hits the late teen years. S is holding a ton of resentment against H and OW. It's bound to blow up at some point down the road.

You found $4 dollar curtains??! Wow, you must be a savvy bargain hunter! smile Yes, nice personal touches really add to the overall coziness of a room.

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Thanks Wonka and Job. S has been texting me all night. He is beyond frustrated and says H is angry with him because he won't do what H wants him to do. I don't want to text S about this subject on S's phone. I'm afraid H will use it against him.

I feel sorry for the kids. I wish I knew what to do. But I will continue to pray. For my kid's and for H. Even though there are times I wish H would fall into a black hole.

So anyway, yes I found curtains for $2.00 a panel. I found two panels that matched each other and perfectly matched my bedding. I love them. They are faux silk and long and they add a touch of elegance. I want to go back and see if I can find some for my patio doors. There were some on there when I moved in but the color was all wrong.

Less than 24 hours and the kid's are back. Ugh.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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WH I agree with the other posters - sometimes it appears as if our prayers are not answered. A wise friend of mine once said that sometimes when we pray things actually get worse - it is God pressing on the person!

As to your son - it is hard for him. I am so grateful that my kids were grown before my xh hit MLC. You are doing so well. And your apartment sounds lovely.

I suspect that your xh will eventually lose interest in having the children - and that will be hard too, as what kids really want is a normal parent who loves them and respects them.

i do think that our crazy MLCers do actually love their children, but they aren't very good at loving!! They are in flight from themselves, and haven't much energy or sympathetic imagination for others.

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Thanks Beatrice.

S started texting me first thing this morning. Apparently the smaller kid's were fighting again and H and OW told S to handle it. Apparently H and OW were lounging in bed and didn't want to be bothered with it. S told me he was angry. I told him he needed to talk to his dad and tell him he wasn't a parent and he isn't going to be a parent.

You know, I am all for "encouraging" the kid's to have a relationship with their father but I will be dammed if I will say it's ok for Evan to parent the younger kids so that H and his bimbo can lay in bed all morning.

I best get back to praying.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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WH I agree with you 100% This is NOT OK and I would document it.

Not sure how old your son is, and what the laws are where you live, but I think it is OK for your son to refuse to look after these people who are no relationship to him.

Could he go for a walk for example?

Also at what point will he be old enough to refuse to go to spend time with his father? Although a relationship with the parent is important, so are the emotional needs of our children

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Thanks Beatrice.

S will be 13 in a few weeks. The GAL told me S cannot "pick" who he can live with but as he gets older the more the courts will take his feelings into consideration. And S is a mature, smart, well behaved young man. S told me he wants to go back to counseling. So I am going to work on that. I told S to try and talk to his dad. He said he would.

I already emailed my attorney. I don't know if I can do anything about this legally. The placement agreement is already signed and a done deal. But something needs to be done about S's feelings.

What the hell is wrong with this guy!!! Seriously. He can do whatever he wants to me, but these are his children. These kids deserve a father not a grown child. I am beyond frustrated right now.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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What's wrong with him? Really, WH? You ask that at this point? smile

From the sounds of it, depression or drug abuse. My bet is on the former because when I've seen it in the past, that's what it looked like.

He's not going to change anytime soon. This kind of behavior will continue for a long time after your son leaves for college most likely. I agree you need to have a conversation with the legal entities about what you can do for your son. Not because they'll be particularly helpful, but because your son needs to see you do that and not give up on it (him).

Over time, he'll start spending more time with you and less with his dad. And the more your son can assert control, the more he will. Be there for him, but please continue to be careful how much you put on his shoulders and how much you tell him. It can feed his anger, and that's not going to help your son in the long run.

AJ
AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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