Thanks for making me a fighter...

[golf mom]

I realize it's about control. In my xh's case it is also about money. He's a compulsive gambler. I stopped trying to understand him a long time ago. I just want to be left alone. Once the settlement is done there is no longer a reason for him to contact me. He hasn't seen the boys in over a year. He's a stranger to them. My oldest is almost eighteen and the younger one is not far behind. He clings to the last bit of control by insisting on delivering my support check each month instead of mailing it. That will end too. His wages will be garnished as part of the settlement. I realize that legal issues might come up in the future, but we will not have regular contact. I look forward to that day.

[wishing, hoping]

I know the kid's need their dad, crazy or not. They love him. They just don't understand them. But he is not capable of making them his first priority and that makes me angry. Especially when I am willing to give up almost anything to have them all the time. And of course H knows this is my weak point.

I am going back to the counselor tomorrow. He helps me stay grounded. I really need this. I am starting to get on board this crazy train. I had a friend text me tonight (she's known H for years and years) and she helped snapped ms back to reality.

Thanks everyone.

WH