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No medications. He talks about getting help, but never acts on it.

I am powerless to help him. I just need to stay out of his way.


Me:33 H:35
M: 12 years
D-15 S-6
Bomb: 6-2013
OW: 11/2013
Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair
Kids and I moved back in 12/2013
H moved out 2/2014
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 456
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Oh, bg! Your H sounds so familiar! Mine has also been sick PERPETUALLY since he left. Everything from gall stones to the flu. And he's also an emotional wreck when I see him.

Honestly, I think they are working their way through whatever it is. They clearly know the problem is inside, but can't/won't do anything about it (probably don't even know how to begin to get help).

It's painful to watch, isn't it?


Me: 39
H: 45
Second marriage for both
H left 12/2013
M:4 T:5.5
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artsy-It is terrible to see. You're right, I think I do see change and movement, it's just a further spiral down.

H keeps blaming me for everything, so I think I'm going to go dimmer on him. I generally don't call/text and take care of all kid/household issues myself.

He keeps saying I "took all the friends and family" and that nobody calls him. No one cares.

I thought people only spiraled like this with addictions. My idea of depression was people being sad or sleeping a lot. I didn't realize that depression causes people to spiral to the point of losing everything. I was very naive.

My H is not well and I want to remove myself from this for awhile. I wish I could go dark and complete n/c for awhile, but that is not reality with kids. I've never felt such a strong urge to distance myself from him before.


Me:33 H:35
M: 12 years
D-15 S-6
Bomb: 6-2013
OW: 11/2013
Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair
Kids and I moved back in 12/2013
H moved out 2/2014
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So sorry to hear this. My prayers ago you and your family.

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Blues,

He keeps saying I "took all the friends and family" and that nobody calls him. No one cares.


He doesn't realize that HE cut them off himself! Nothing you can do about this except let him walk his own journey by his lonesome self and work his chit out. Patience. Oh and more PATIENCE. wink

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Blue I really sympathise, its so hard seeing someone you care deeply about destroy everything good in their lives and be powerless to help them - that's the thing though, we are completely powerless and the only person who can turn it around it them.

My H is an addict (in recovery) so I know just how painful it is to have to stand back and watch, the only thing you have control over is yourself and I think your doing the right thing distancing yourself from him so that he doesn't take you down with him.

Often it takes a person to hit rock bottom to actually find the inner strength to do something about their problems, I hope this happens for him and he find a way out of the hole he's in.


Divorce Final: Oct 2014

Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
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As you often here, they have their journey and often it is downward.

It is painful.

But out of your control.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Wonka-Yup, HE'S done the damage and left relationships. The amount of blame that he puts on me is beyond comprehension and reason.

Upwards- Sorry to hear you are going through the same thing.

Labug! Haven't seen you around in a while! Out of my control. I have let him go.

I vented to my parents yesterday about my sitch. Only to find out that my mom saw H this morning and approached him! She meant to reach out to him out of love, but used examples of things that I told her and breached my trust. She meant well, but now H is blaming and monstering....AGAIN.

I feel like this R is beyond repair.


Me:33 H:35
M: 12 years
D-15 S-6
Bomb: 6-2013
OW: 11/2013
Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair
Kids and I moved back in 12/2013
H moved out 2/2014
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 455
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Originally Posted By: bluesgal
Upwards- Sorry to hear you are going through the same thing.

He's moved past the blaming me for everything & pointing the finger stage thankfully, its still a very difficult situation though. Don't let his anger and resentments impact on you, they're HIS problem and his anger is more than likely at himself but he'll be projecting that at you. Keep your distance if you can, he'll only hurt you if your around him.


Divorce Final: Oct 2014

Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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Originally Posted By: labug
As you often here, they have their journey and often it is downward.


This started out as "you often hear here..." and I deleted the wrong hear. frown

You're on the right track.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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