Reaching out for support and advice 4

[bluesgal]

Please don't worry about hijacking! I love comparing notes. It helps me put things in perspective.

3-my H did the same thing all summer-completely checked out on all the things he did around the house and activities with the kids. I taught our S how to catch a football last summer and spent a week at the county fair in the camper with the kids as they were showing all their projects while he was always saying he had to be here or there. Well, I know what he was up to now. It makes me ill. I can identify how you handle the household as it's exactly what I do. I never ask or call my H for anything. But, if he's here I thank him for the things he does.

GB-You're right-I should be thankful that he is showing interest in the kids once again and he offers to help. Certainly, things could be worse (they were not so long ago)

Ok, I'm going to write too much about nothing right now to get it off my chest

Tonight H was in a great mood once again. (Still bothers me deep down) He helped S with homework and cleaned the garage floor that was full of sand/mud from the winter. We played a family game together and had a lot of fun. He even said so. He showed me an app on his phone for music recognition and asked if I'd ever heard of it. Um, yea you showed it to me a few months ago and then demonstrated it for me. I just said "Yes, I've heard of it" and then he downloaded it on my phone and demonstrated it for me and I should have earned an Oscar for my acting like I was wowed by what he already showed me before.

We have a large dog that occasionally gets stiff and limps. H pulled up a supplement online that he thinks we should get...he already showed me that a few months ago, too. This memory loss stuff is for real.

One thing made me very sad tonight. We have a TV series that we watched all summer even through the toughest times together and the final season just came out on netflix. No matter if H had to leave and stay in a hotel for a week to get space (stay with girlfriend) or we had an argument, we always watched every episode together and now I asked him if he wants to watch those some time or if I should without him and he said "Go ahead, I don't have much time".

I know it sounds weird, but that just seemed like the final nail in the coffin for me.

[unbidden]

He was in a good mood, you had a good time as a family, and your takeaway is that the R is doomed because he didn't want to watch your show together? Really.

[hope456]

Blues - The TV show thing actually doesn't sound that weird to me. My H asked me to start watching a show with him after BD. It was a series that I never would have watched prior to BD, even if he wanted me to. It just didn't seem like my kind of thing. As it turns out, I actually really like it. Since H moved out, he has told me several times that I should just watch it. I didn't even ask him to watch it. It makes me sad, too!

Still, I don't think it means that all hope is gone. I try to stay positive about it.

[bluesgal]

I am mad at myself for being so unreasonable lately. The detachment was awesome when he wasn't around. I guess it just seems like every last thread of something we had is breaking. It's not the tv show, it's the loss of one more thing we had together.

Since that last post, I've been on these boards and feel that security blanket again. I feel a little better now. I make great strides in moving forward and then something small will throw me off. And then I have to pout and temper tantrum to myself before I let it go and move forward again. This process is exhausting.

Thanks to all you folks out there for the encouragement and occasional, "Really" I totally had it coming

[unbidden]

You're doing great, blues. Really

[bluesgal]

Thanks

[Georgiabelle]

You at doing awesome BG

[Wonka]

Hey Blues,

This is tough stuff! Keep it up. Yup, the MLCer's mind is like swiss cheese.

Remember: housemates, housemates, housemates

[bluesgal]

When people use the term "MLC fog" it's no exaggeration.

S6 birthday party was yesterday. Family was here and H came. He acted odd and would alternate from being part of the conversations to staring blankly into space. His memory is getting worse. It seems like he has a distorted sense of time.

After the party was over, several people made comments to me about H. My parents who read and are familiar with DB, said is seemed like he was in a "fog".

I talked to D15 in her room last night and asked her how she felt about the day. Everything was good except for her dad. He forgot to do a couple of things he promised her within minutes of committing to them and she said he seemed like he was out of it. I actually think it gave her peace to see him look sick instead of look all happy because now she can see he is not well instead of thinking he's rejecting her.

He is sick every time I see him. Back ache, neck ache, stomach ache, headache, sinus issues, cough etc. He is always complaining of being sick.

H cried yesterday and today several times. Some things he said: He hates himself. He's lost everything. He wants to stay married to me but doesn't know how to get there. When he looks at me, he is flooded by feelings of hurt. He says he's a bad father.

He is a mess and can't be reached. He is floundering.

[unbidden]

Is he getting help? Is he on any medications?