I guess you think this song is about you?

[LoisB]

Will, you ARE strong. Maybe you don't see it right now, but that doesn't mean it you aren't strong.

I'm facing the fear right now. I never thought I could. Last night, I thought I might die from it. But, I didn't. It was crazy. I don't know the whys or the hows of the fear, but I'm still feeling it. I just am and it's not killing me.

You are right, you HAVE been doing this already for two years.

If I can do this, you can too. :-)

Much Love,

Heather

[Portia]

WBW,

You are as strong as you need to be. You are already that strong and you have already been able to put one foot in front of the other for two years.

And you know what? It gets easier with time. Hold onto that when one step a day is all you can take.

Sending you good energy and peace!

[nero]

hey hi-

just wanted to say hang on- you sound like you're doing okay. it's hard, it's a long long "recuperation" broken heart, broken life, etc. life is really full of fears and things we can't control.

i feel them sometimes too, they immobilize me sometimes , but then there are times when i honestly realize i don't give a sh!t and will deal with whatever happens when it happens- and can turn off brain/worry.

i think alot of my mom's life and that when my dad died, and she was 42 with five kids and no means of support really, and not even highschool diploma (got it later) and honestly- as scary a life's prospect as you could ask. (and she took care of him at home thru dying and it was not at all easy or nice) - so there's a shattered exhausted woman with five kids & not much else...

i take heart. she was a simple woman- she did an amazing job- paid her own way her rest of whole life. never had to ask anyone for anything- gave each kid a little start with some college - kept roof over our heads - even ended up with an "estate" to leave. how- one wonders - sheer determination not to drop the ball i guess -

i'm awash with admiration for what this woman accomplished - the magnitude of it - in this world we live in. an unsung hero- there are millions i'm sure.

all her crabbiness aside and my own non-perfection - it all falls away when someone dies - and the best side of them is seeable again- clear of day to day crappola that hyurts you and bogs you down. you'll prevail - we all will i think-

by virtue of fact we're here trying rather than laying down and dying- we'll all be amazed in the end - what we've accomplished in our lives - with our lives (i'm pretty darn sure)


xxoo

[willbwell]

man, its a tough day. trying to push the bad thoughts away. well, I am recognizing them, having my cry. feeling it. I am telling myself to stop. stop the negative, self defeating talk.
This will not defeat me. There are of course way worse things.

the sun is shining today. that is a good thing.

Heather, Portia, Nero...Thank you. Thank you....

such dang hard work. The other day I thought...who is going to take care of me?? I do tell myself to Trust that it will all work out.
I think about my mom too... my dad died when I was 6. She raised all 7 of us on her own. I never once remember seeing her crying or unable to get up off the sofa... She had tremendous faith.

limbo time is over. I have waited. Time to let h go.
I have feared and dreaded it. Perhaps I have stalled it.
Now I need to facetrack . I need and want to move on.

[willbwell]

I talked to a coach yesterday. we talked about the Last resort letter.

I am saying nothing to h presently.

instead of saying to h that I love and respect him enough to let him go. That I understand that he wants the d, I want to say... go to h#ll. his choice to walk away from a great family. Hope he finds that elusive happiness.

I got to go for now. I want to check in on some of you guys- see what's going on in your sits.

[TL72*]

willbwell,
I say that to myself all the time "go to hell" or "fv*& him" and yeah "hope you found that happiness". Better to keep that to yourself or journal it to get it out along with other things to get out the anger so it doesn't eat you alive. exercise, pray, journal, play loud music and dance yourself into exhaustion Actually saying it to h will not make you feel better and it won't help your sitch but my guess is you already know that and you're just venting - which is a good thing, also a good release. vent away! If you're looking for a good book to help you move on, "Rebuilding when your relationship ends" has helped me tremendously, by Dr. Bruce Fisher. They use it in divorce support groups and I can testify that over the 6 weeks that i've read it - I feel like i've made amazing progress within myself. Trying to turn this MLC into a "creative learning experience" lol. anything to put a positive spin on this horrible turmoil. Take care things are gonna get brighter

[LoisB]

Will,

such dang hard work. The other day I thought...who is going to take care of me?? I do tell myself to Trust that it will all work out.

Me too.

I've glued to the couch a lot this winter. A lot. I'm beginning to hate our couch!! Lol.

Last night, I watched Emma for the upmteenth time. I was thinking about how I was convinced, as a young girl, that this was how the world of romance worked. We all found our Mr. Darcy or Mr. Knightly and things were just meant to be.

Maybe ours was meant to be, but not in the way we hoped.

Anyway, I was mourning my own Mr. Knightly when I happened upon a bio of Grace Kelly. It was all fluff and wonderful and yadda, yadda...and, I felt myself sinking a bit further.

So, I mentioned on my thread how I couldn't sleep last night. I searched up something about Grace Kelly. Turns out, maybe you've heard, Nicole Kidman has been filming a movie about what some say is the "reality" of Grace's life. And, it wasn't all peaches and cream.

The movie reveals a very different Prince Rainier...someone who was very controlling, unfaithful and abusive to Grace.

She may have been forced to remain in the marriage because she would lose her children otherwise.

I think God put this particular news about the Grace Kelly movie in front of my face for a reason. He seems to KNOW what HE is doing, that Lord of ours.

I watch Emma, I lose myself in peaches and fluff, I watch peaches and fluff about Grace Kelly...AND, THEN, I learn there may be another truth. A very sad truth about her life that she was forced to keep secret. It's only coming out 30 years later. She may have been forced to remain in the marriage because she would lose her children otherwise.

Make a list Wills.

What will you gain if/when H is NOT your husband? Seriously, think about it.

I'm sure there are advantages. What are they??

You are a wonderful, giving, loving, loyal, sweet woman who knows the day-in-day-out hardships and sweet payoffs of mothering a child with special needs.

What he is doing is sad, but is it also a gift? For me, my daughter would NEVER had made the progress she has with Smokey living here. He was too judgmental and tempermental. His absence has made it safe for her to feel safe.

Is your H able to see you as you really are? And, more to the point, is he able to value you as you really are?? I see the above and I haven't even met you in person.

[willbwell]

TL72, yours went so fast. I've been in this limbo thing two full years. I know it is not healthy for me this secretly hanging on to any little seemingly kindness from h that gets me all hoping.
His story is the exact same as the others in MLC, I feel pretty certain of that.

I am tired of crying. d is coming on. now sometimes think lets get this done.

Heather, it is said around here...why did this happen for me instead to to me?

H is no longer my husband. what have I gained?

Definitely, I am more spiritual. I am giving it over to God. I have always been a positive person. I have always tried to look for good.

I know I am trying to be less judgemental...

I am sure some good gift is going to come my way by taking my classes and getting a job( even though getting a job is scary to me at the same time- Why?? Ive not worked outside the home in 20 plus years. I imagine though, one day I will say... I love my job!!

The Grace Kelly story...we just never know what people have going on in their lives...

Thanks for checking in.

I will continue to say nothing to h.

learning of his dating was just another kick in the teeth. It hurts. yep. I want to get thru....

[bustingout]

Will -

Are you thinking about writing the letter or have you decided not to?

I feel similarities with your sitch - a non monstering H throwing some crumbs yet completely in another world we are no longer included in. I don't know. More and more I understand the need to just get on with our lives ... Abandon all fear. Every time I am confronted with something regarding H I feel more and more disheartened about the sitch.

So keep moving forward WBW- for you. I'm sure the answers will come for when/if you need to do anything regarding H right now.

Xxx

[willbwell]

I listen to NPR every morning as I am getting coffee made. This morning an interview from Story Corp.
A MLC dad who left and then returned to his family and his son. The dad wanted to apologize to the son.

The son said when his dad left, he felt he had to be the man of the house.

The son said when his dad returned, he felt like he was in paradise.

Maybe some MLC person out there will hear it and it will give them pause....
my h doesn't listen to NPR.