I will sit quiet. I wish those darn answers would come though! I won't bring up D talk.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
WAS moving to another state. how and when will he see the kids? IDK. d16 is not flying out to see him. anybody else in this same sit?
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
He most likely will either text, email or post to them via FB for a while. Who knows, he may even arrange to see them over a long extended holiday weekend...but that's not something you have any control over right now.
Now, don't expect him to contact you or the children all of the time after he moves. He's going to be in euphoria about moving and checking out the new location. Eventually that will get old and then the contact will begin.
He's made up his mind and he's going. for now, wish him well and then continue on w/your life. He needs to make this journey in order to grow up.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
he knows the area he will be moving to. we have lived there before. I see this as less and less contact with the kids. that has already started. All I said to h was I know he will do well in his job.
I sit, I pray. My friends all think I am crazy.
Anything I have done in my life, I have done with enthusiasm and gusto. I have had setbacks, but I think I still move forward... Even having a child with a disability, I would read, research. there was no stopping me...not what I wanted( having a child with medical issues), but I marched forward.
I can't seem to take this D on.
I keep hearing, reading... it will get better, I will get through to the other side.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
I am in similar sitch. H left to another country over a year ago. It's very similar to how job described it.... Very little contact after he left.. Euphoria etc. contact started again slowly about 8 or nine months later. Contact today is more frequent - more responsive rather than initiating. More involved though.
Truely focus on yourself and the kids- be authentic with yourself- find you- learn how to support your kids and teach them skills to manage their pain. Everyday find ways to feel some peace.,you will get stronger and your fear will be confronted. You will be challenged so use your tools to help you. Don't think about him. Really do not think about him.
We are here for you and you can do this
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
my authentic self is family and friend oriented. I do believe in doing good and doing my best. when I mess up...I do kick myself. I try and remember and not become complacent. I am taking a study break just now...I focus on my classes. On my list is to improve my typing skills, to do my resume. As part of my classes, I will do an externship in August. I am taking care of these things I need to do for me. I am taking care of what I need to do for kids. Presently that means organzing their summer activities...and of course, the regular day to day.
This I can do and I do it very well. I know that. I enjoy doing it. It is hard( as everyone knows) to not think about our spouse. I don't hold anger towards him. if anything I am so sad for what he is missing. He's a grown up though, I know that. I think there is underlying depression and guilt that is too much for him. He doesn't want to recognize it. easier to just walk away. He knows I am a strong woman. He knows I will take care of our children.
almost, I would like to say to him the Cheryl Crow song line... If it makes you happy, why the hell are you so sad?
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
got the still want the D email from h today. he thought I asked for it to be dismissed. in my head I know, let go....I have been doing a lot of thinking on fears. Can't write about it now. s17 needs computer for HW and I need to do hw too. my way of avoiding
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
the fear is not being good enough. I am not looking for praise. Sure, there is plenty that I am good at. I am a good mother, sister, friend, citizen.
The question I asked myself is why am I so afraid? What am I afraid of? and it is that deep down thought of not being good enough.
of course it is ok to make mistakes as long as we learn from them. And, I get that we are going to make mistakes in life.
Those thoughts pop up...I'll be in class, or taking a test, and that voice is whispering in my ear... undermining me. "you don't really know what you are doing. all this time and effort spent studying and still clueless" Why so self defeating?
I recognize that this is my fear, But how the hell to get rid of it???
sadly I've let my failed marriage compound it too.
I am not a negative or unhappy person. I am not a perfectionist. I know my good qualities and yet this fear of not being good enough. I help at my daughters school and that gives me joy. If I do some random act, that gives me joy. I do see beauty in the world and it brings me to tears. I cry at the hallmark comercials. I think I swing in both directions feeling intense sadness but also know I can feel intense joy.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
been a hectic stressful week. semester coming to an end and getting work dumped upon us. trying to just keep my head above water!
D will stay with h this sat night. s17 will be out of town at a race. I have plans with a gf, but would love to just stay home, do some studying and maybe watch a movie. know I should go out...
d is going to dismissal docket in may. H says he still wants d and thinks we can come to a mutually agreeable settlement. I did see a financial planner and have made copies of taxes. I will only do it if my L looks over settlement figures.
I am coming on the two year mark.
a lot of changes for kids and me. First summer in 20+ years I am not "at home". yes, my boys are big and independent , not D. I will have to have care for her( she is cognitively about 5)My classes go thru summer then an 8 hr a day internship. Time to join the real world I suppose.
Have had a great life. Can be thankful for that!
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
told him to send me his proposal...percentages, thoughts on house, insurance etc...
going to a school function tonight. h has backed out. said he does not want to go.
don't know what I am so afraid of. I have been doing it on my own for 2 years. h has become more and more detached. minimal time with the kids. he will be moving to another city. Wish I were stronger wish I could just do it.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
