Don't be embarrassed. I think it is great that you released your feelings. Your situtation is so new! I'm soooo sorry you felt uncomfortable. I agree that people have a tendency to dismiss MLC and think gold chains and motorcycles. I did not mention that term. However, I did mention that my h was hanging around with 20somethings, discussing how old he was, etc. I let them draw their own conclusions.
I think it is important to remember that you are in a group where everyone is in pain. It may feel awkward at times. However, I think it may end up being cathartic for you. I'm glad to hear you wil be starting IC. It will definitely help your healing.
You are doing great:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Everything you are going through is normal grief comes and goes so we can seem ok for a bit then like a wave it flows through us again It is better for you to allow yourself to feel it, share it and release it until it comes again Therapy is extremely helpful It will help you heal deeper and faster than on your own I think everyone is different but the first few months are the hardest , I began to feel better and better after a while maybe 18 months most of the hard stuff is done and we move closer to acceptance We learn to detach and move forward making our lives work with or without the Mlcer Many won't understand MLC some of my friends thought I was crazy to hold on , but they still supported me Many woman understand too, and I met many who went thru similar situations so hang in there finish the group and keep posting and moving forward time goes fast and the sooner we get into therapy and work our stuff out, the sooner we become more empowered and begin to heal and one day, all the pain is gone and we are totally transformed MY H MLC became the biggest Catalyst for my inner growth and through it , all my R have become better Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Been following along with you and am still impressed with your strength!!!
When my H left the first time and filed for D, I had to go to a parenting class as required by our state when going through a D. There were several people there that became emotional as they introduced themselves or asked questions. It had been long enough for me that I was ok!
This time around, I decided to start seeing an IC and she asked me what brought me to see her and I was a blubbering, snotty mess! You might be too but it is one on one and they have seen everything! I saw her today and actually laughed a lot when she wanting me to picture my H in my head, trying to hand over a steaming pile of poo to me! I told her I will have a hard time not laughing the next time I see him! I will update my thread one of these days and explain that!!!
Having said all that, seeing an IC has been the best decision I have made in a long time!!!
Have a great weekend!
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
thanks so much for your encouraging posts, they really do help. I have been reading my book on rebuilding and am discovering some things about myself. I went out last night with girlfriends and that was a lot of fun and all part of GAL. H is coming over tomorrow to drop off the biweekly check for health insurance. I told him he could mail it but he said he'd come by Sunday. I'm thinking he just doesn't have any stamps/envelopes lol. I will be pleasant and no expectations. Last time he barely spoke to me which I sort of thought would happen. I'm sure this won't be any different but I'll be open to listening. D is final next Friday. I am starting to enjoy being alone more. Not feeling so lonely and just doing things for me. Today i'm a bit lazy and I think i'll bake cupcakes. Been raining all day so yardwork is out of the question. So glad I have dogs though to keep me company too :)have a good weekend everyone!! remember to do something just for you!
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
H came over today and visited with the pets, watched a movie, didn't talk much, didn't say anything about himself, asked me a couple questions, small talk, then he left. was distant but not so angry it seemed. still a stranger though. just an update, back to my new life
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Today is D day, the hearing was an hour ago so I assume he went and finalized it. I was not required to go since it was uncontested. Just one more hurdle to get over, although it is just a piece of paper and this changes nothing in my mind. I knew it was coming so I'm not feeling worse or anything. exH will come over at lunch time - meeting him at the house because he offered to take the cat to the vet to have her put down. He saw her last Sunday after I mentioned she was failing and called out of the blue Monday to offer. I thought that was kind but wondered in the back of my head if there was some ulterior motive. I accepted the offer anyway because taking another pet to be put down especially on d day is not on my list of fun things to do. I dealt with the last 2 pets on my own so I will gladly let him take her. Not to mention that I was left with all the expenses that go along with pets and at least this is one thing he will pay for. Hopefully that goes well. Of course it won't surprise me if he tells them just send the bill to my house lol. I'll deal with that when the time comes. Going out with the girls tonight and my dad is coming Saturday to visit. I went to divorce group again Wednesday which is really really helping me. I can see more clearly now my role in this - not the MLC mind you, I know that's HIM but I can see things were not perfect and my role in the divorce. It's funny to read one chapter in this book on rebuilding after divorce, it describes MLC but labels it as being in the "rebel" stage. It is so much more complicated than that. I was able to make it through the whole meeting without crying or feeling bad. It was sort of uplifting.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Tough day Im sorry about your cat..I know how hard it is and the D, but as you aid it doesn't change anything but at leads the stress of the upcoming D is over
You sound strong and Im glad the group is helping you
Hang in there good things will come
peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I'm sorry about the cat and the D. I am simply amazed at how strong and awesome you have been doing.
Have a good weekend. You've got this:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Gosh TL, you are amazing. I am so sorry about your cat . . .ya, not something you want to deal with on such a day. I just hope I do as well as you when the time comes.
What is the title of the book you are reading? Are you seeing an IC - can't remember if you said you had gone to one. I knew about the divorce group - now you've inspired me to try one here in my town.
I haven't been posting on my site just because I haven't been home much and been really busy with work. Then when I do get time it's usually late in the evening,I try and catch up on everyone else and then I run out of time and my brain turns to mush.
I hope your weekend goes well. I'm proud and impressed by your strength. Enjoy your visit with your dad. You sound like you're doing great. Keep it up....((hugs))
Me 59 H47 M12 T22 No kids BD&S Apr 2,2013 - ILYBINILWY Filed 2/12/14 OW 11/13 The Universe always strikes you at your weakest point because that’s what most needs strengthening." – Joseph Campbell
Hi guys, T-boned the book is called Rebuilding when your relationship ends by Dr. Bruce Fisher and Dr. Robert Alberti. 3rd edition and it comes with a workbook. I found it to be incredibly helpful. The counselor guiding this group is the counselor I contacted for IC but she mentioned something about cutting her patients back and so I haven't seen her on an IC basis. I am learning a lot about myself just doing it in group and reading through the book. I may sign up for IC after this group and she has more free time or I'll pick another one from the list I got from my doctor. I'm feeling stronger. I read so many other sitch's and cannot believe how lucky I am in some ways that he left. It sure as heck didn't feel that way at the time but I read some that live with their spouse still and they are constantly being monstered at I just can't imagine the agony. Mine was more like ripping off a bandaid at this point, instead of the slow painful peeling up of one with hairs stuck to it It was still awful, I just can't believe it's only been three months. One day he loves me the next it's BD and moving out the next month and now divorced! Just crazy. Him being gone though has helped me to recover I think. Sort of forced into it, the other option is wallowing in my grief and despair and I didn't much care for that option. I'm journaling every day and wrote this "goodbye" letter which was basically stuff like "good bye to walking on eggshells" "good bye to snoring and waking me up 5x a night when you got out of bed" listing all the things that I really wouldn't miss and other things I am angry about and getting it out of my system. helps with the "letting go" part. I am rambling a bit now. I still think about it all the time, a bit less than before because I was obsessing and now i'm trying to make it a creative learning experience. While he's off on his journey, I too am changing and having personal growth. It's not so bad having quiet evenings at home. Yes I wish he was still there (the nice husband, not the MLCer) but he's not so nothing I can do about that. The over responsible person in me wants to "help" him and "fix" him but i'm trying to not be that person anymore and doing a good job actually. I've let him go, I haven't pursued him and gave him his freedom. I'm still grinding my teeth and smoking though (all due to stress related to this BD, I wasn't doing that at all for many years) so I have that to work on. Hope you all are doing ok. Try and stay positive, thanks you guys for listening and responding!
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
I will update my thread one of these days and explain that!!!
It was still awful, I just can't believe it's only been three months. One day he loves me the next it's BD and moving out the next month and now divorced! Just crazy. Him being gone though has helped me to recover I think. Sort of forced into it, the other option is wallowing in my grief and despair and I didn't much care for that option. I'm journaling every day and wrote this "goodbye" letter which was basically stuff like "good bye to walking on eggshells" "good bye to snoring and waking me up 5x a night when you got out of bed" listing all the things that I really wouldn't miss and other things I am angry about and getting it out of my system. helps with the "letting go" part. I am rambling a bit now. I still think about it all the time, a bit less than before because I was obsessing and now i'm trying to make it a creative learning experience. While he's off on his journey, I too am changing and having personal growth. It's not so bad having quiet evenings at home. Yes I wish he was still there (the nice husband, not the MLCer) but he's not so nothing I can do about that. The over responsible person in me wants to "help" him and "fix" him but i'm trying to not be that person anymore and doing a good job actually. I've let him go, I haven't pursued him and gave him his freedom. I'm still grinding my teeth and smoking though (all due to stress related to this BD, I wasn't doing that at all for many years) so I have that to work on. Hope you all are doing ok. Try and stay positive, thanks you guys for listening and responding!