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Sorry you've found yourself here GMD frown You need to tell everyone your story on the newcomers thread so people can respond personally to your story.
Initially what you need to do is to not text him at all for now. Leave it a week or two to let the dust settle. Do you have friends or family that can rally round for the next two weeks? At the moment your H is angry and nothing you can do or say can change him. At this moment in time your H has left your marriage.
He may return at a later stage and there's nothing wrong with having that little bit of hope that he will return.
After the initial shock and upset is over, you need to start working on yourself. This is for your mental and physical health.
He does sound like he's in a MLC and yes his friends may be egging him on. I thought this at the start when my H first left me, but now I don't think he sees his original friends.
This novelty of living with another couple will wear off eventually, we would hope so anyway. Right now you've got a long road ahead of you.
Get yourself a new thread on the newcomers page and then you'll get a lot more help. Let me know on here once you've got a new thread.
Look after yourself and take care smile


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S20 - Got high functioning autism
3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her
11/2000 H moves back home
2/4/13 H moves out
H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
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Or start a thread here on the MLC board.

Use the button at the top left of the forum that says NEW TOPIC.


Me-70, D37,S36
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180...yes, if he wanted to know he would've asked. I know how tough this part is. There are SO many times I want to call and share something that I saw or that the girls have shared with me. I don't.

If he asks, I answer other than that , no volunteered info.


Formerly Workinprogress
H :55
M :over 29 yrs.
Together : 33
D : college
D : adult
BD and left : May 2013
Separated
Experimenting/Replay

Jan 2014...Let go of rope!


God grant me the serenity...
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thank you for this post. made me feel wonderful

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Very helpful, thank you! I'll be re-reading these a lot in the next few days smile


Me: 26, BF: 33, R: 9yrs
Bomb dropped April 17th 2014
Currently No Contact
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hi everyone -- it has been a bit of time since I have been here on site -- my family is 8 months into this mess. My wife and I are doing ok, I think, but I was hoping to get some help. I am having a very difficult time watching my wife suffer so badly in one area: the manic 24/7 energy she is experiencing. She just can't seem to settle down at all. I do not critique, and try to make her laugh about it when I can, but I would love to know if there is something I can do to help. She told me yesterday that if she was not always moving that she would worry about going completely crazy...this is the only thing that has scared me so far in this process ... (except loosing my wife, of course)

We really spoke about what is going on with her for the first time yesterday, and I told her again that I would not give up on her, on us, or on our family. I think she finally heard me this time. I also told her that I knew there was an OM (likely EA, but I am not sure). I told her that I did not believe in adultery or divorce, but that I understood and would stand by her. She told me that she thought that was completely unfair to me; I explained that it was not up to her to define what I was willing to sacrifice for our family. Good solid day yesterday, and a good weekend ...

can any of you help me understand this manic energy thing?? it is very, very hard to watch someone you care about go through that ... thanks!

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Hello,

I am new to this page but most definitely not new to mlc and infidelity (several years and counting). In short my husband is in the midst of a major mlc triggered by various stressors and some fairly awful childhood issues. I am not going to write out my entire story here tonight as I am just too tired but some time I will. Mine isn't the worst or most horrific case out there but it's well past the half way mark, if you get my drift. The reason I'm here tonight is that I have a question and I would welcome some insight from those of you further travelled along this road whether you are betrayed and left behind or a wayward husband in the midst of his own crisis. I promise I won't judge - I have seen too much anger, hurt and devastation to be pious or prejudiced. Just an honest answer please.
I have read and understood a fair amount about the stages of a mlc. However does the bomb drop always come at the beginning of replay or can this stage already be well and truly entered into? Does replay begin when the affair is still emotional or only after it becomes physical? Can the affair continue into the depression and withdrawal stages or does the affair partner have to be out of the picture completely? Please can someone explain how you can tell if the acceptance stage has started and they are going back into the tunnel to close the doors on the various stages? Do they go back as far as replay and how many times do they go back to each stage? Everyone and every situation is different, this I understand, but your experiences would be appreciated!
Thank you.
Meldb

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Originally Posted By: meldb
However does the bomb drop always come at the beginning of replay or can this stage already be well and truly entered into?
Does replay begin when the affair is still emotional or only after it becomes physical?
Can the affair continue into the depression and withdrawal stages or does the affair partner have to be out of the picture completely?
Please can someone explain how you can tell if the acceptance stage has started and they are going back into the tunnel to close the doors on the various stages?
Do they go back as far as replay and how many times do they go back to each stage?

First you would be better off starting your own thread.

BD normally comes about 1/2 way to a 2/3 of the way through REPLAY.
That being said don't get the idea that the TIME will go fast after BD.
We could be talking about many, many years.

Normally it is taught here that as long as their is an affair partner they are still in REPLAY.

As far as Acceptance goes, I really only know what I have read and observed on the boards.
You may not know when they are in acceptance, and yes they go back through all the stages.
Best to forget all the stages and not worry about them.
Stages are best viewed looking in retrospect after the crisis is completely over.
Other than that it is very likely that you will be wrong about anything you are viewing.
When Jim Conway wrote the stages I believe he was talking very much in generalities and depending on each crisis you may see other scripts or cycles within each crisis.

Describing the crisis as a slinky works best for me.
You go round and round and end up in almost the same place.

Hope that helps


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Thanks Cadet.

My bomb drop was in January 2013, so 18 months ago and counting. Or rather given up counting and focusing on self and children.

As a matter of interest when in replay does the affair start and is it normal or when do they try to reconnect with their children and come home then panic and run off again. I guess this could be cycling and it is sure confusing me, and the children (daughter 18 and son 12 but son is mentally handicapped and autistic and has developmental age of a 4 year old).

Hope things are working out for you. How long have you been doing this for?

Thanks.
mel

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Wow, this is a tall tall list. A lot to apply and change. So much has already changed, but now I'm looking for positive changes, mostly for me. I started the first of summer to start changing my life and building my self esteem. But as I read this list of yours, I saw so many things I need to do to stop the craziness. I find it very hard to do some of them, but I will do them anyway. I have made a decision.
I am so grateful to have this place to come to, because I have had no one to really talk to. I have so much bottled up, I always wanted to talk, to express my feels, so I picked my husband, my life mate, the man who I should feel safe to say anything to, huh, well, I was wrong about that. It's good to know this and it is ok. I ready to get off the roller coaster!

Last edited by Cristy; 10/20/14 04:08 PM. Reason: please protect your identity, do not use your complete name

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