I know you are prepared either way T2, and so do the rest of your friends. I can't imagine this last chance separation frustrating any of us, but even if it did, who cares? It's your life/marriage/choice.
I also know you have put plenty of thought into this. And effort. I honestly don't see you having regrets that you didn't try everything... which is what I also want to be able to say.
I like your plan to write it all up in a packet. The "Last Chance for a Great Marriage With Me" packet.
I'm hoping the time away helps your W realize what she is about to lose. Bust On, my friend!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Part of me understands the reason why you would have a timeline; however, I am not sure if your intent it to "make it very clear to her" what the boundaries are, that you want to set a hard date. My point, is that maybe this boundary can be a bit more open - yet tied to when YOU have had enough. What is she was a week away from coming home? Just something to consider.
In terms of joint accounts....why not just remove her access. If she needs access to funds then maybe she should open her own account. At the end of the day, that is what she will need to do if you separate.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Just saw your update. I know things have been brewing for awhile at the T household...
At the end of the day, we have to answer to ourselves and our own conscience. I fully believe it is up to each one of us to determine when we've had enough or if we've done everything we could do.
I'm glad you will get a break from the limbo madness. It can be draining.
I think DBers R Us has a 2 for 1 sale on patience shovels - how many shall we pick up? LOL!
You can do this T.
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
I understand your point eric, but T's W has already had several 'soft' timelines, and has shown an inability to decide. Without a specified timeline this could go on forever. I like his latest plan.
T, I didn't see anything about counseling in the packet. I know you talked about it being one of your requirements before. Is it still?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY- I do have a couple friends that are frustrated with me, they understand, but just think she has been given plenty of time and such. The counseling and what I need to see for R is definitely there, just a work in progress, it will be included. And yes, I mused a long time ago that due to W's historical behavior regarding decisions (avoiding, waiting until absolutely has to be decided at the last minute) that I would very likely have to create the "last minute".
Eric, I totally see your point...I am looking at the fact that she would have 30 days to respond, and then after that (unless she doesn't respond), there is a waiting period before it is finalized...so she has up to ~2 months to change her mind after I file. And, at the end of the day, it's just a piece of paper, right? As far as the joint account, it is less risky to keep that, because her pay does contribute to the household bills and expenses, than to depend on her giving me money for the bills.
TVS- Yes, the break will be nice, and is actually interesting to me to see how I will feel being a real single Dad for a while, and without her influence in the house, etc. So it will be interesting for everyone.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I did consult with my L again on Friday, making sure my info was up to date on costs, process, etc. I downloaded all the forms in case we can do it DIY.
And she said she knows it can't go on like this forever for any of us.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I suspect you have a preference in this, right T? I doubt you have any guilt about it...
As for your friends... they don't have to live your life, so it's nice that they care, but it's their feelings and not what they have to live with. Just showing they care is all.
I will be honest with you here: if I had it to do over, I would do it the same way. My ex did similar and left. Lied too, but that's neither here nor there. I would still do it to make sure I did all that I could do. And that paid off during the dark(ish) times when they came up. I can honestly look in the mirror and like the person looking back at me. I can honestly say that I felt a little guilty at first, when she left. I was happy she was gone. More to the point, I missed her, but not the monster.
Raft of emotions come along, so be ready for that. I think you are, but just in case it surprises you, don't let it.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
