Been here. Done that. Completely devastated and broken after BD 5/2012. IC sessions and followed DB principles to the letter and was successful after eight grueling months of hell. H ended A w/OW But, 8 months of feeling like I was an option and not a priority made me question H's sincerity and I begin to do more than GAL. I began to withdraw further away from H. Our M was no longer a priority for me either. I found me again. No worries of OW, lies or betrayal. I do not Trust him anymore. Here are some red flags...He continues to lie about simple things. Stays on the Zello chat line late at night. Sometimes at late as 3-4am. Says he's only listening and chatting but this behavior bothers me. He knows it but still obsesses. Lacks urgency to contribute financially to the household.I'm having major trust issues and about to drop the paton and walk away.
H rec'd a letter from Western Union yesterday. Jokingly, I asked, who sent us some money. He said it was only junk mail. I thought nothing of it and continued about my business. Later on, I checked our email account and there it was. A confirmation email stating the money transfer to Mexico in "H's" name was complete with amount and recipient name. Which is a female whom I do not know to be any relation to H. Well, I did not confront H with this but I did ask him again about the letter he received from Western Union (trying to give him an opportunity to come clean) and once again he lied. So I told him that I thought he was lying to me. He continues to say he is not lying and has not tried to resolve this issue with me.
Should I bring it up again? Let it go? I'm frustrated that I cannot trust him to be completely honest with me.
Hi MrBond- Yes, this just occurred on yesterday. I called my IC because I was so upset from this. She said since I have not mentioned the confirmation email, not to. She thinks he needs to open up and tell the truth on his on. Suggested that I do something different to capture his attention that basically lets him know that I'm upset and this issue will not resolve itself on its own. I've done the GAL. He did not like that and changed his behavior. I'm not sure how I can persuade him to be honest with me. Not sure what to do. He could lie and say it was for a relative and I would not be wiser but to flat out lie about it is beyond me.
No. We went while H was having the A. Afterward, H said he wanted to go alone to deal with his internal issues and find out why he was acting the way he was. I did not pressure the issue. He says our was telling him things he already knew and it was a waste of time. He both agree that we are not happy with the current relationship. H wants me to be the same person I was before but I've changed. I'm wiser and stronger and I don't want to ever be the broken person I was.
H is really acting out. For months he has not stepped up to be the man I need him to be. I helped pay for 2 vehicles that he controls. One he said he was buying for me, suggested I sell the SUV I had already paid for. Promised the new vehicle was mine but he is driving it. The second vehicle he wanted me to purchase in my name, I did. He used for his work but during the A, he made no attempts to make the payments. I paid it off. Then the truck needed repair 2 separate times and I paid over 5000.00 for the repairs. The truck is in need of repair again, primarily because H does not keep up maintenance. He leaves it as is and takes over the second vehicle. I had to borrow my parents vehicle to get back and forth to work when he rarely works. I finally saved up money to purchase a vehicle for me and he has been pissed since.
That's why you shouldn't have dismissed MC. It's important to have someone who will give you a roadmap to guide your M to healing. Without it, the WAS fills their thoughts with more nonsense and never really understands why they did what they did. Then the same issues come up because in the end nothing changed.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Quite a bit has happened in the past week. H has had a few temper tantrums but I did not allow him to pull me into his dark clouds.
H decided he was not going to talk to me one night and spent hours on the radio and outside in his vehicle until about 2am. I did not ask any questions and we did not talk. The next day, H still was not talking to me so I hung out with my friends. When I came home, he started yelling and wanting to know where I'd been. I did not answer any of his questions. I told him that he needed to talk to me with respect or not at all. That I was not going to tell him anything while he was acting stupid. He said that he was sorry for hurting me with his previous behavior but felt like he was no longer good for me and that he was going to save up to move out in a few weeks. I did not react but simply told him that was fine and went to bed.
The next day, H was sulking. I ignored him and went about my normal routine. Later, he apologized again and started to talk about how he wanted everything to work out with us. I told him that I was through with sitting around waiting for him to be in a good mood. That I was going to enjoy my life with or w/o him and not sit around the house bitter. He apologized for acting out. I did not mention it again.
Yesterday, H called from work and asked me to go to the movies with him. I was with my sister at the time. I told him we were having dinner at a local restaurant. My sister is currently going through a separation and getting out sometimes helps us both. H asked me to bring him some food home. I made it home just in time for H to eat but we were running late for the movie. H had an attitude upon my arrival and once again the silent treatment. It seemed like he wanted me to end my dinner with my sister early but we were right in the middle of dinner plus I had to order and wait for his takeout. Anyway, I decided to leave and attend an event at our local community center. I made it home around 12a and went to bed. H slept on the couch. This time, he did not act out. I did not mention his behavior.
Today, I did a few chores around the house. I planned to go to the market but didn't want to get out in the cold weather. I did not initiate a conversation with H. He broke his silence by giving me money for some of the bills. Later he asked if I wanted to go to dinner and a movie. I really did not want to go anywhere but compromised by going to the movies which I enjoyed. Neither of us mentioned the day before.
I am still not sure how things are going to turn out for us. Sometimes I enjoy being with him and sometimes I do not want to be around him at all. Although I have not had many triggers lately, my feelings are still fickle and my tolerance is low. I try to make sure that I don't react and say things out of anger and frustration. I say what's on mind once and leave it a that. No nagging or trying to get H to see things my way. I listen to him when he does open up and I don't try to force him to talk when doesn't want to. I'm trying to give this relationship time to heal. In the meantime, I expect H to follow through on his household commitments.
