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Originally Posted By: labug
Originally Posted By: SemperFi00
$$$ is almost always an interesting / touchy topic isn’t it? I remember going to our pre-M weekend and one of the couples saying that the 2 most important (and most argued about) topics in a M are often $$$ and sex.

Yes, money is interesting and it can be a trigger for me. That's a disclaimer. We do sometimes give money more power than love in our Rs.

When you heard that wise fact at your pre-marital weekend, what did you do with it? Probably nothing, because we all think were bullet-proof when we're young.

We talked about it quite a bit during the weekend. And maybe even early on on M but then lgot busy with other things (kids, careers, etc…) and since we were blessed enough to have the $$$ we wanted/needed it seemed not to come up.

Originally Posted By: labug
Originally Posted By: SemperFi00
In general we have been blessed in the fact that $$$ have never been a major issue for us.

Then why is it an issue now?

Quote:
Have generally always been able to have the lifestyle we want while saving substantially for retirement. What I have come to learn over the years is that W leans more to the “spending/enjoy life” side of the equation and I am more of the “save/delayed gratification” side.

Does your W agree with your assessment? Do you see this as either/or? Have the 2 of you discussed these differences?

Quote:
Until awhile after B-date, this wasn’t a problem – at least not an acknowledged one.

Think more about this. Are you being completely honest? If it wasn't a problem then it wouldn't be a problem now.

We pack those resentments into a bag and then something opens the bag just a little and they all come exploding out. Resentment can be silent but deadly.

Have thought about ^^^^. I think my point about it being an “acknowledged” problem is the key. It was there but a problem I “managed” because of what I saw as the perceived benefits of being in the R. Now that those benefits are no longer present it becomes tougher to keep the bag closed.
The bag hasn’t exploded in a negative way yet – I guess I am just tired of carrying it around w/me. And right now, not quite sure of how to get rid of the building resentment. The way I did it before was to weigh the benefits and risks – and when the R was operating normally there seemed to be more benefit than risk.

Originally Posted By: labug
[quote=SemperFi00]

I brought this over from ces' thread.
Quote:
I think that if more folks did this ^^^ there would be lot less of the selfish, me first, instant gratitude, only do what makes me happy, inability or lack of desire to work hard traits present in the current culture.

What happened to this guy "I have developed to a place where I think I generally have (or at least try really hard to) the attitude that people are trying to do the best that they can with what they have available to them (knowledge, resources, etc….). In other words, very few people wake up and start they day with an intent to be miserable or do poorly in whatever they do"

I like this guy ^^^ I have become over the past years but sometimes still have to find him…….

In all seriousness it is who I am now the vast majority of the time – I think that’s why I am so aware of my feelings etc when I am not there. And you are right in pointing out that $$$ are still a trigger for me for some reason that I don’t fully understand yet – other than recognizing that part of it comes from childhood experiences……

And part of the overall sense of frustration is that things are not equitable right now - in many areas, some $$$ related and some not…


Me-48,W-51
M-22,T-24
S- 18,16,9
Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date
Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch
Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only
Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
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labug Offline OP
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There were a lot of questions I asked that didn't get answered.

Did you think about them and answer then for yourself?

What do you do when you get uncomfortable with something inside you?

Do you recognize when you feel anger? I'm not talking about rip-roaring anger but the small anger we often feel every day.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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labug Offline OP
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I know I've asked about anger before, but that's what keeps coming up.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Nov 2011
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labug Offline OP
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This happy mama wants to report that her son did indeed graduate from college and did it magna cum laude.

What a great day it was despite all of us being tested early in the day. But that's a story I'll share later. This post is about joy at seeing my son so happy in his accomplishment.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
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Yay! What a tremendous accomplishment; I'm so happy for you and your son!


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
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Happiness is a warm puppy.
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congrats bug! that is awesome! enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!!!!!!!


Me(f): 51 W: 41
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"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
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That's awesome!!! Much to celebrate!


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
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Putting finances in order for "D"
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What?! You were in Tempe and you didn't call?? smile

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That's phenomenal labug! I am sure you are very proud of him!


Me-48,W-51
M-22,T-24
S- 18,16,9
Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date
Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch
Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only
Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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labug Offline OP
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Thanks everyone, it was a great day!

Crimson, I thought about you!


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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