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Hi Eric,
I agree, Portia, hit the nail on the head.......

You've also hit the nail on the head, I am scared, when it comes to H I lose my nerve and I just don't understand this in me. I'm, generally, quite a strong person, but, you put him "in front" of me and I don't want to rock the boat for fear of????? he'll make it worse? he'll divorce me for real? he'll never wake up and come back? I don't understand my feeling when he messages me and, quite frankly, it frustrates me because I know it and I can't seem to overcome it. Throws me into a tailspin and I'm unable to work out a proper response for myself.

No, the money possibly saved is not worth the grief.....


M 16 T 20
M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15
Bomb drop April 4;
Moved out April 13
D started-full force
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Dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and
you’re gonna hear me ROAR
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WR

Over time the fear will go away. You will come to understand that nothing you do or not do can change how your X will or will not respond/deal with you.

I found that what worked for me was no response at all. none. nada.

Have you ever told you the lion story? If I did, stop reading now..

Okay here goes....what does a lion do when it is hurt?

It separates itself from the pack. It lies down away from the pack and licks it's wounds. It does not mingle, play or even interact with the pack. It really cares for it's wounds.

When the lion is STRONGER - not fully healed - just stronger. It joins the pack again. Stonger....


So maybe WR, you need to step away from interacting with H for now. Lick your wounds. When are stronger you can then find the way to deal with him.

Peace,
Eric


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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Well, the letter from my lawyer, in response to his, went out this morning and I've received the first wave of hate mail

OK getting tired of the lawyer talk what is it you actually want?
Not sure how you can claim I didn't pay the mortgage when I left cause We both know that's a lie . Also M has been back at work for a long time..... Also getting tired of running into mutual friends and hearing the things you say about me and how you plan on making sure I'm miserable and don't care if I end up homeless because I'm the one who left...
Just so we are clear this is not a game to me and I agreed to many things and you continue to drag it out because it is never enough if what we agreed on on court is not a go then we need to sell the house I'm not going to continue to do this.

He's crazy


M 16 T 20
M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15
Bomb drop April 4;
Moved out April 13
D started-full force
-----------------------
Dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and
you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 866
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I'm really upset. What did he think was going to happen? What does he want from me? Other than getting my support I don't initiate or ask anything of him.

Sitting at work and I'm fluctuating between bursting into tears or throwing stuff......


M 16 T 20
M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15
Bomb drop April 4;
Moved out April 13
D started-full force
-----------------------
Dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and
you’re gonna hear me ROAR
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I'm a little lost in where you are in the negotiations.

He has to pay child support and spousal support (is this just temporary, or is this the final amount?)

You are keeping the house? (Can you get it refinanced in your name? How much equity is there in the house? Or are you trying to just stay there until youngest graduates, then split the equity with ex?)

How much community debt is there besides the house? How are you planning to split that?

Seems to me that it's not all that complicated. What exactly does HE want? (Besides a zipless divorce where he walks away with no responsibilities at all?) What did the court say? What is left to negotiate?

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Sorry White.

Yes, he's crazy. What about today's exchange is fueling the anger and tears?

For me, (in similar situations) it's the reality of how alone I really am and how damaged he really is.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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WR,
The problem, as I see it is that your h is trying to beat you down into agreeing to whatever he wants. The problem is that he doesn't want to work w/the lawyers to get things done. Guess what? He knows exactly what he is doing to you and he doesn't care just as long as he gets you to throw your hands up and say I'll give you whatever you want to just go away and leave me along.

If he calls or texts you again, don't respond, just print the texts out and give them to your lawyer. It's time to go NC as much as possible unless it's about the boys.

The more you try to rationalize w/him, the more access he has to you and what you are thinking...please stop trying to negotiate w/him...it won't work at this time and let the lawyers do their jobs.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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KML went to court and it was explained to him that I would take a lesser amount of support until the credit cards (his debt but I'm responsible for half) is paid out at which time I will be requesting the full amount ($300 more a month).

I've made it clear I will buy the house, bu the terms of the bank are that I need $0000/month in child/spousal, which is actually less than what I could ask for, but more than I guess he's wanting to give me. Once I buy the house I can pay off the gross amount of CC debt he's accumulated and pay him out his equity (-my adavance of inheritence, his premarital debt and some back support owed). This was all discussed and I'm not sure what he's even referring to when he says we are not sticking to the terms of what was settled in court.

Heather, I still love him (old him), I'm tired of all of this. He's attacked me since the day he left. I'm tired and stressed and so very tired. I don't understand what he's talking about, I can't ask him what he means, I can't defend myself....


M 16 T 20
M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15
Bomb drop April 4;
Moved out April 13
D started-full force
-----------------------
Dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and
you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 866
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OP Offline
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Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 866
Thank you job......I have not responded to any of his messages


M 16 T 20
M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15
Bomb drop April 4;
Moved out April 13
D started-full force
-----------------------
Dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and
you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 866
W
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OP Offline
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Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 866
His behaviour is getting "odder" Sunday night I was sitting on the couch (about 9:45 pm) and I heard a diesel truck outside. After having it there for a few seconds I looked outside the window and am pretty sure it was H's truck.....I think he drove by, and must have stopped, for a moment in front of the house. Freaked me right out (wondering about what he wanted why he was there) and then started having doubt about what I saw.
Next day I saw that he had texted S14 at 10:30pm asking how his night was. Odd time to messaging him and not something he normally does.

Just odd behaviour (or should I say new behaviour)?


M 16 T 20
M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15
Bomb drop April 4;
Moved out April 13
D started-full force
-----------------------
Dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and
you’re gonna hear me ROAR
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